I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday whose husband is going to Uman, BH.

She was telling me how there is some ‘fear’ around making that trip – for both of them – and I totally understood what she was saying.

Even before ‘the war’ in Ukraine, and even before ‘Covid’, going to Uman has always been attended by deep feelings of uncertainty and fear.

When you are travelling to a big Tzaddik, a Tzaddik HaEmet, the journey is never simple and never ‘easy’.

Because it’s the journey that makes the vessel to recieve all the blessings.

And so, the journey itself is fraught with obstacles and difficulties – most of which are 100% in our own heads.


Anyway, she was looking through a book written about how Shuvu Banim fought to keep access open to Kever Yosef all those years ago, when Ehud Barak was trying to ‘give away’ most of biblical Israel.

(As David Ben Gurion had done before him, with his agreement with Jordan’s King Abdullah to ‘give Jordan Jerusalem’, in return for the Galil.)

And in that book, she found a letter that Rav Berland wrote to his students, describing the ‘fear’ attached to travelling to the true Tzaddikim like Yosef HaTzaddik – and how the main ikker is to fear nothing and nobody, except Hashem.

She sent me a scan of it here:





The first line says:

Fear is the biggest issur (forbidden thing)…

And it’s akin to practising avodah zara, to believe, God forbid, that there is any other ‘force’ in the world, other than the Creator.


Ein od Milvado.

When we overcome our fear of going to Uman, or Joseph’s Tomb – of more plandemics, whatever it is – we actually reveal our belief that Hashem is the Only Force in the world.

And then, the evil falls all by itself.


Last week, I had a weird episode with my PC.

Some sort of ‘yellow light’ flashed out of it while I was online.

And since then, all the LED lights in my street have been ‘out’.


The week before, my daughter had a ‘weird episode’ with an electric socket.

She plugged in a fan – and got an electric shock so bad, it gave her heart palpatations (and took out all the electricity in the house….)

Now, Ahmed & Ahmed Inc have been busy ‘fixing’ the house for our landlord, with their one trusty screwdriver, for around 30 years.

No matter what the problem, they call Ahmed & Ahmed and somehow…. something kind of gets ‘fixed’, in some way, at least, enough….. with that one trusty screwdriver.


So after my daughter got electrocuted, I called in a real electrician to take a look at the sockets.

After telling me there was some ‘very funky stuff’ going on with the motherboard (yeah, that’s kind of an understatement….) – he checked the electrocuting plug – and couldn’t find any problem.

Then, we checked the electrocuting fan – and also couldn’t find any problem.


I got the plugs changed anyway, just to be on the safe side.

But that daughter and me – we have a sensitivity to electricity and to WIFI that comes out in a bunch of weird ways (as anyone who has ever spent some time with me on their phone will probably already know.)


A few days ago, I saw THIS, on the Quinta Columna Telegram channel:



I basically ignored it at the time.

Not least, because who has koach to go through all this crud again?!

But then yesterday, I spoke to my brother in the US – and he told me that men, only men, only around his age – have been getting really sick the last couple of weeks, with something some people describe as a ‘covid variant’.

He told me:

I have no idea what it really was, but I am really thinking that whatever it is, they can and are targeting specific sections of the population with their ‘viruses’ now.

(He still thinks all this is being caused my mutated and mutating viruses. That’s no longer where I’m holding.)


At the same time…. he told me they are starting to really push ‘the masks’ over there again.

It’s like I left some tab up on screen from 2019, and it’s just replaying itself again.

Is anyone still buying the demonstrably false mask propaganda, this time around?

He told me:

Yup. But it’s really the same people who never took their masks off in the first place…


I read THIS – and it spoke to me.

We all know that real teshuva happens when you are put in exactly the same circumstances, and this time you choose different.

And again, just to underline that God really is behind everything, and all this is just a test.

I know, I know.

Who has koach for more of these tests?!?

I hear you.

But the point is not so much the test, it’s the teshuva that will hopefully get made in massive amounts this time around.

Because one drop of that sincere teshuva stuff is so very powerful…. it can destroy all the evil in the world, or at least, in our own world, in an instant.


We continue to live in interesting times.

And if you are having weird ‘electrical events’ happen by you, pay attention – and if you feel like it, share what’s going on in the comments.


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Over Shabbat, I read a bunch more of the Rav’s ‘clues’ in Shivivei Or.

I have to admit, my tabs are already groaning under the strain of still trying to figure out the whole ‘Diskin saga’ sparked off by one of the Rav’s shiurim a little while ago, so I wasn’t going to translate a lot this week.

But, (famous last words….) this stuff about Moshe Dayan conquering Jerusalem by ‘mistake’ and Herod being a ‘Hasmonean’ seemed fairly tame by Rav standards, so I decided to translate this excerpt into English, and share it with you.

Somehow, just the process of getting this stuff into English seems to get things to start moving in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, so let’s see where we get to next.



Shimon [HaTzaddik?] managed to conquer the ‘Hakra’.

Today, the ‘Hakra’ is called the Antonia Fortress, where the beit sefer (school) is – by the Lion’s Gate.

In Yemei Shmuel, [the author] brings that they managed to go up onto the beit sefer. The Arab tradition says that the moment that the Jews will enter there, into the beit sefer, so then the geula will come and the Jews will conquer Jerusalem.

So they didn’t permit Jews to go up to the beit sefer, which overlooked Har HaBayit.

Next to the Lion’s Gate there is a beit sefer. It’s the tallest building there in the area, and when you go up on the roof, so you can clearly see the whole floor of Har HaBayit.

The Jews used to want to go there, to see the floor, [but] the Arabs told them that if you manage to get to the roof, then gomarnu (it’s over). Jerusalem will be conquered.

And in truth, that’s really what happened, as soon as they managed to do that.

The first time they managed to get onto the roof of this beit sefer, Jerusalem fell.


And this was the instructions that were given [during the Six Day War] – don’t conquer Jerusalem!!

There was Moshe Dayan, and he didn’t listen to the instructions.

Afterwards, he asked forgiveness from the WAQF, that I made a mistake…and he immediately wanted to give it back.

All the time, they talk about how they need to give it back, that it belongs to the Arabs.


This is called ‘conquering’?! What?!

That it ‘belongs to the Arabs’?!….


….So, malchut Paras (the Persian rulership) was 34 years; malchut Yavan (Greek rulership) was 180 years.

The Hasmoneans were 103 [years], and Herod was also a Hasmonean.

Herod was a descendent of the Hasmonean House, so this [the 103 years the Gemara attributes to the Herodian dynasty] is also regarded as being ‘Hasmonean’ – 206 [years]….


Excerpt of a shiur given the night of the 7th of Elul, 5783, translated from Shivivei Or 324.


Some notes on the above:

YEMEI SHMUEL was written by R Shmuel Horowitz, who was formerly from a leading Chabad family in Tsfat, who then came close to Breslov teachings, and travelled to Uman where he spent a couple of years.

He brought back many of the ‘hidden’ teachings of Rabbenu Nachman – and seemed to have been persecuted incessantly, once he returned to Jerusalem.

This  snippet comes from HERE:

The tzaddik Rabbi Shmuel Horwitz (1905-1972), born in Safed, a leader of Breslav Chassidim in Eretz Yisrael, lived in the Old City of Jerusalem until 1948 and established the Breslav printing press.

After returning from Jordan captivity, he lived in Jerusalem and in Meron. In the book “Yemei Shmuel” his personal and spiritual diary was printed, where he writes of the whole matter of his coming close and bonding to Breslav.


About Moshe Dayan and Jerusalem, read THIS.


And finally, there’s a very interesting article on the RavBerland.com site about other parts of the Old City of Jerusalem that we’ve been discussing here on the site.


Here’s a very interesting snippet:

One of the difficult questions involving the fall of the area of the Old City at the hands of the Jordanians [in 1948] was why reinforcements didn’t arrive to help the fighters. 

The author of the book “Hakarav al HaRova” – “The Battle for the [Jewish] Quarter” – Aharon Altshul (Leron) (whose son Rav Erez learned in Shuvu Banim), related to students of Shuvu Banim the hard truth – the secret behind this mysterious story: 

The secret agreement signed between Ben Gurion and Abadallah, the King of Jordan, which said that “Israel” would relent on the entire Old City, including the Kosel and the rest of the unique places in it, in exchange for the area of the Kinneret and the cities near it in the north. 

Therefore, Israel left the battle for the Rova to the Hagana fighters, and other than that didn’t send assistance from its side, something which, understandably, brought about the fall of the Rova into the hands of the Jordanians, who took captive all the men, and expelled all the women and children. 

Jewish homes which were left desolate and abandoned quickly turned into the estates of Arabs, and likewise all the Jewish institutions there.  Also the lot of Yeshivas Chayei Olam was similar, and the place which was a Beis Midrash for Torah and prayer for years – ‘foxes dwelled in it’ – turned into the dwelling of gentiles, who even built in it a goat’s pen!


Gotta love the founders of the modern State!

Sounds like they had their ‘priorities’ very clearly set right from the beginning.

And we’re still paying the price today.



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For the last 10 years, it’s fair to say that Breslov has been kind of on its knees.

When I started getting into it around 18 years ago, it was firmly on the way ‘up’ in the world.

The first time my husband went to Uman for Rosh Hashanah, I got grief and ‘Uman widow’ jibes from pretty much everyone.

Three years later – no-one batted an eyelid, and so many more people were heading out to Uman for Rosh Hashana.

Everywhere you went in Israel, people were ‘becoming Breslov’.

A lot of that meteoric rise was due to Rav Shalom Arush’s efforts, and the Garden of Emuna books – and also other Breslov mashpi’im, like Erev Moshe Doron, who was hanging out with a lot of the Israeli celebs at that time.

And then… it crashed.


The machloket over the Rav, and all the disgusting persecution and lurid media slanders ripped Breslov to shreds.

(It would take 10 years to understand that the people “within Breslov”, within Meah Shearim, who have been persecuting the Rav actually descend directly from very interesting families, and are close related to apparently ‘secular’ judges and politicians and big-wigs in Israel….Who could ever have guessed what was really going on, back then?)

But the point is – the fire came out of the engine, the Tzaddik HaDor kind of went into hiding, in a whole bunch of ways – and so much of ‘cool Breslov’ evaporated.


For at least the last five years, people have been ‘Breslov’ because they mostly really engage with Rabbenu’s teachings, and for sincere spiritual reasons.

And in the Rav’s community, Shuvu Banim, that goes double and triple, because on top of the lack of real ‘support’, the ongoing financial grind, as the government has literally tried to close the community’s institutions down by making it a criminal offence to donate money to the Rav… there has also been so much shame and humiliation involved in trying to be ‘sincerely Breslov’.

So many people just lapped up the media lies.

So many people believed the couple of former Shuvu Banim crazies who basically ‘imploded’ spiritually, and then tried to blame all of their own problems and bitterness on the Rav and other people – instead of looking inwards, taking responsibility for their own actions and mistakes, and making some real teshuva.

And let’s not even talk about dawn raids by the police, gabbaim being rounded up and incarcerated for days, the non-stop controversy and difficulties involved with trying to remain attached to the Rav, in myriad ways.


Point is: being Breslov has not been ‘cool’ nor ‘fun’, the last few years.

And even more so when they shut down Uman as a ‘holiday’ destination, first during Covid, and now with the war.

The same pattern is now going on with Rabbenu and Uman:

You don’t go for the ‘amazing experience’, the fun, the dancing on the streets all night, the seudat amenim in all the kivrei tzaddikim,  the slaughtering of sheep for kaparot by the side of Pushkina St, like used to happen in the old days.

You go, with maximum expense, and maximum discomfort, and yes, with a bunch of fear, too – only because spiritually, you understand the imperative of going to Uman.


To put this another way:

Breslov generally, and Shuvu Banim specifically, have gone through a major ‘cleansing’ process, the last few years.

And what remains now (mostly….) are the people who are trying to sincerely serve Hashem, in the face of so many difficulties, and with a lot of mesirut nefesh.



The last year, you could see that so many people are just getting very tired.

Even with all the best intentions in the world, it’s not easy to keep standing on your feet for an hour singing and dancing, in a grubby outside courtyard on the edge of Meah Shearim, even when it’s hot, even when it’s cold, even when it’s blowing a gale and raining.

Yet people have been doing that every single night, for a a couple of years.

But it’s hard.

And recently, it was starting to feel like the air is coming out of the tyre, and the ‘energy’ is depleting rapidly.

Even with the best will in the world.


Which brings us up to the atzeret the Rav called yesterday, in Hevron.

It got postponed once – I think because of ‘security issues’, but not 100% sure of that – but yesterday, it was called for 9pm.

There were no buses put on that I could see – not least, because there is so little money for any of this stuff, as the State continues fleecing the Rav and the community out of hundreds of thousands of shekels every month in various ways, for the crime of…being the Rav.

But still, there were a good few thousand people who showed up yesterday.

And perhaps even more importantly – it felt like the fire has returned to the engine.


The Rav came around 10.30pm, and prayed with everyone for over an hour, standing at the podium, with a very strong voice.

He’s 85, and has a whole bunch of serious health issue.

By contrast, I spent the whole time sitting in the deckchair I’d brought with me from home – and I even feel asleep in the middle of the prayers.

Not because I was tired so much – I’ve been ‘feeling tired’ for months, for years – but because there was something so powerful going on, it took me out.


Stuff like that used to happen to me in Uman, by Rabbenu, as well.

I’d just be sitting there, then conk out – and it was always something very meaningful, spiritually, like ‘spiritual surgery’ was being done, somehow.

The Rav was praying that he gets to Uman for Rosh Hashana this year.

BH, that will happen.

(It looks like, it can only happen miraculously at this point…. but miracles can and do happen. Especially around the Rav.)


But the real point is this:

It felt to me like the Rav is starting to come out of the shadows again.

It felt to me, like the koach of Rabbenu’s teachings to operate in the world, and the koach of the True Tzaddikim to really fix things at their spiritual root, has come out of ‘hibernation’ mode, and is switching into something way more active and alive.

Bezrat Hashem.

I came back feeling quite a bit more optimistic, about 5784.


Of course, there were still issues on the return journey from Hebron.

Too many psycho teenage drivers decided to make ‘two lanes’ where there was really only one, and the result was a total logjam backed up from the turning by Halhul.

Halhul is one of the most ‘radicalised’ Arab villages in the Gush….

It’s known to be full of terrorists and guns.

And dafka there, is where Shuvu Banim’s psycho teenage drivers managed to create a huge traffic jam.


We were stuck there for around 40 minutes, as Breslov chareidim with long payot walked the road together with bald-headed Arabs from Halhul in shorts, trying to figure out how to ‘un-stick’ the bottleneck.

One Arab started yelling at my husband to move his car to the side – and then my husband refused and started yelling back at him.

Are you crazy?!?!? I hissed at him from the passenger seat.

Really, you’re going to get into a fight with an Arab 10 seconds from Halhul, in the middle of the night, in the middle of a traffic jam where there is nowhere to drive away too?!?!

He was.

(There’s a reason we are also part of the crazy Shuvu Banim crowd….)

I’m not going to the side of the road just because some Arab is telling me to do that!


At that point…. I just started ‘binding’ the whole traffic jam to the True Tzaddikim….

And the Arab walked off, while another Arab stuck in a car next to us started to make small talk with my husband.

You went for a big pray in Hevron, yes?

He asked my husband, with a big smile on his face.

And just like that…. this weird ‘friendly’ vibe descended on all the Arabs and Jews stuck in a massive traffic jam by the terrorist nest of Halhul, in the middle of the night, caused by crazy teenage psycho drivers from Shuvu Banim.


I don’t know why, but the Arabs seemed amused, and even pretty happy about what was going on.

Some of them started playing their happy music and clapping loudly, kind of cheering all the cars on around them, as the traffic jam finally got unstuck by Arabs and Jews working together, to create some order on the road.

This is how peace comes to Israel….

I thought to myself, as the ‘party vibe’ continued for another 10 minutes, and even my husband calmed down and stopped giving ‘the stare’ to other drivers.

(In his defense…. we just got a new car literally last week, for the first time in nine years….)



Who knows what was going on in Hevron last night, really.

Who knows where all this is leading.

But what I can tell you, is that something is moving again, in a way it hasn’t for a very long time.

And it seems that real, sincere, holy Breslov is starting to rise up from the ashes again.

And BH, it will pull everyone else up with it.



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Yesterday, I had some really good news, BH.

(More on that another time.)

Two hours later, I arranged to go to the Rav for the ma’ariv prayers, and almost exactly as the prayers were concluding ,the air exploded with the noise of police and Hatzalah sirens.

I was meant to be picking my kid up from Ma’alot Dafna after the prayers.

She called me, and told me:

Don’t come this way, Ima, there’s just been a pigua (terror attack) by French Hill.


So, we arranged to meet outside Rav Arush’s Chut Shel Chessed shul instead.

While we were waiting for her to walk down, the tram stop next to Chut Shel Chessed suddenly also filled up with noise, sirens, and large flocks of yeshiva bochurs trying to catch some of the ‘action’.

In this case, a terrorist who had just been shot dead by a Border Guard, apparently before he could stab someone on the tram.

A second pigua, in less than two minutes.


I have to admit, I kind of just feel numb to these things, these days.

Apparently, it’s a spiritual level to strive for, where the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ leave you feeling the same way inside, but I have to admit to wondering if that’s not also just a description of emotional shell-shock, or the ‘compassion fatigue’ I’ve written about before.


We picked up the kid, got home, and I decided to see if there was more info on the twin attacks on the A7 government propaganda site.

I haven’t been to that site for almost two months, and I haven’t missed it at all.

So I logged on, saw they had absolutely NOTHING about the attacks – even though Daniel Amram and the ‘Uncensored Israel’ Telegram channel already both had updates – and then, sadly, saw what sort of ‘news’ the super-cr*ppy A7 site WAS running.

It was more manufactured rubbish about people ‘spontaneously’ protesting an attempt by Minister Porush to get the Rav into Ukraine for Rosh Hashana.


That put me in a weirder mood than the terror attacks.

Unbelievable…. After everything that’s gone on the last few years, the Sabbatean-Frankists are still going after the Rav with ‘fake news’ and false information, exactly the same way they did 10 years ago….

I started to wonder how many people are actually going to buy it, this time around.

Because apparently, people are still reading that cr*ppy news-propaganda site, and they are apparently still taking it seriously enough to waste their precious time by leaving comments.


In the meantime, I also counted four people in Jerusalem yesterday wearing the despicable face masks.

Which told me everything I needed to know about the ‘fear porn’ machine being stoked up again, for another round of plandemic hysteria- even though I have been totally off ‘the news’ here for two months.

Again, I started to wonder how many people are actually going to buy it, this time around….

Again, I’m finding all this kind of unbelievable…. that after everything that’s gone on the last few years, the PTB are still trying to scare and control the population with ‘fake news’ and false information, exactly the same way they did 4 years ago….


Do people never learn?

Are we just doomed to keep going through this same cycle of ‘fake news’ and manipulation and control, until all the brain-dead people disappear out the picture, one way and another?

(And if yes, how long is that whole process actually going to take?)

Sometimes, I read some of the things being discussed online in what remains of the ‘Jewish blog-o-sphere’ and I find it amazing, that after so much has happened, so much has been revealed, so much of the curtain has been lifted – there are still people out there who are acting, believing and commenting exactly the way they were 4 years ago.

And 10 years ago.

And 20 years ago.

And now that I come to think of it, 2,400 years ago, and 3,333 years ago….


There is nothing new under the sun.

False prophets have always been with us, peddling their own brand of ‘fake news’ about a million different things.

But I guess I’m a little disappointed, that this oldest of old tricks is still apparently working on so many people.


Like you, I have no idea what is going to happen next.

I am kind of entering a stage at the moment where I feel like I’ve given this my best shot, and done pretty much everything I can do, to try to wake people up to the reality of our fake world.

That doesn’t mean I’m retiring, at least not just yet, but it does mean that I’m pondering about what comes afterwards.

If another pandemic does get manufactured soon, I have no plans to be ‘live blogging’ developments the way I did three years ago, when I was trying to warn people that things were not what they appeared to be.

Enough water has flown under that bridge now.

People will stand or fall on the amount of ‘truth’ they’ve internalised, and the strength of their connection with the only source of real ‘truth’ – God.


So, pick your sources of information carefully.

Understand, that 99.9% of what you read and watch has been specially created to manipulate you, control you, and to get you to go back to sleep, spiritually, because there is nothing to worry about!!!!

Don’t you know?

The biggest danger right now is coming from uncontrolled ‘conspiracy theorists‘, who are spreading disinformation that vaccines aren’t totally safe, the world isn’t totally doomed to extinction because of ‘climate change’, and cars literally melted in Maui because of an uncontrolled grass fire that only seemed to burn down the properties of the poorer people in Lahaina.


So much information, even in the ‘alt’ world, is being produced by people who are literally being paid to do it.

And then much more is then passed along second-hand, by ‘useful idiots’, who tend to swallow what they are being told hook, line and sinker (unless of course, it’s credible tzaddikim telling them to at least consider moving to Israel because we are headed into stormy waters, very soon….)


Today, I had to drive through Huwara.


I was the only car on the busy road with an Israeli plate, and the return pass, I got stuck in a bit of traffic by the roundabout there, built by the Europeans and the UN.

As I was driving, my mind inevitably started thinking about those two Israelis from Ashdod, apparently executed at a Huwara car wash two weeks ago.

I was trying to spot where that car wash was meant to be.

I have to admit, nothing seemed familiar from the couple of shots I’d seen of the car parked in it, post-executions.


So on the one hand, I was wondering, again, if that news story was even real….

And on the other, I was staring very hard at a dummy dressed in a black tracksuit stood right next to the road, that was giving off ‘terrorist’ vibes – until I realised it was just advertising the clothing store a few meters behind it.

(Arabs like to put their wares out by the side of the road…. It’s a ‘thing’ in Huwara and elsewhere, and sometimes, I have even seen really gross decapitated, half-skinned cow heads hanging up to entice customers into the local butchers….)


Point is, it’s so hard to know what’s true at the moment.

How much to engage with, and how much to ignore.

How much is credible, and how much is flat-out lies, designed to manipulate and control.


Let’s end with this, that a reader sent me this morning querying what I thought about it – is this just more lies?!

The piece was on the Jpost, entitled:

Turkish Outlet Links Chabad to Mossad, LGBT support in Northern Cyprus

Here’s a screenshot:


Dastardly lies told by ‘Iranian-funded’ extremists in Turkey?

Or touching on a truth none of us really want to look at too closely?

You decide.


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Someone asked the Rav a few days ago if he should still go to Uman, even if the Rav isn’t allowed to get there.

(God forbid….Basically, if the Rav doesn’t get there, geula will come faster but with a lot more suffering, and if he does get there, BH, it will come a little slower, but way more gently and ‘stretched out’, as we’ve been experiencing the last few  years.)

The Rav responded: Bevedai, bevedai.

(Of course, of course.)


My husband has his ticket – and yes, it’s getting more and more expensive each year, and more and more difficult travelling-wise.

But things  can get sweetened and ‘fixed’ spiritually in Uman on Rosh Hashana, by Rabbenu, in a way that just can’t happen anywhere else, or any other time.

I’m not going to get into a big discussion about the power of the kibbutz – how each person who comes adds another holy ‘stone’ to the holy ‘houses’ being built, which create the spiritual power to really sweeten harsh decrees.

If you’re interested in how all this works spiritually, get a copy of Likutey Moharan, and start reading through it.

And if you’re not interested in the spiritual explanation, there is no other explanation.


Point is, the kibbutz in Uman has tremendous power to turn things around.

And that’s why each year, they’ve been going after it in a million different ways, to try to limit it, close it down and scare people off.

But go buy your ticket!


I spoke to someone who literally got back from Uman yesterday, and they told me that it looks like there are a few more checkpoints than last year.

But other than that – it’s mostly business as usual in Uman itself.

If the night-time curfew is still in place, it seems most people are now ignoring it, and the roads to the Tzion are lit up (which they weren’t last year, the same time.)

There is food there, there is electricity – although there was a power cut at one point during Shabbat.

(Old timers to Uman will remember when the power used to fall two and three times a day, in the middle of the coldest winter days. It used to be a very common part of the ‘Uman package’.)


She said the travelling is difficult, because you are literally spending 12 hours on the road, even from ‘close’ locations like Kishinev airport, Moldova.

And there are still big delays at the borders, because they insist on taking all the suitcases off and checking them.

So, be aware that it’s going to be challenging travel.

But it’s the journey to the true tzaddikim that brings all the miracles, and makes the ‘vessel’ for the blessings.

Literally, every step a person takes on that journey creates angels that then accompany him onwards.

So the fact that the journey is now much longer, means there are that many more good angels being created, and the ‘vessel for blessing’ will be that much bigger, when you finally get there.


Last week, Rav Berland said this about getting to Uman (from the RavBerland.com site):


You can watch it here (shiur begins at timecode 30:52):


This is how we get things to ‘sweeten’.

This is how we turn the harsh decrees around.

With prayer, emuna, emunat tzaddikim, mesirut nefesh, humility – and Uman.


The day after this shiur, last Wednesday, the Rav was reported as saying the following:

Thursday night the Rav said everyone should buy tickets, there is talk about closing borders!


The last couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling quite ‘nervous’ again, for no obvious reason.

I have the feeling this period of relative calm and ‘relative normalcy’ is about to come to a close.

Rosh Hashana is going to be huge this year, one way or another, and it’s the key to determining whether the next stage of the geula process comes gently, or with more suffering.

If you can’t get there yourself – then help someone else to get there, in whichever way you can do that.

And you don’t have to ‘buy in’ to all this – but if that’s the case, this blog probably isn’t the best place for you to be hanging out.


Big things are on the horizon.

And I’m more than a little scared about those ‘big things’.

But I’m trying my best to have emuna, to believe that God is ultimately behind everything in the world, even the apparently ‘bad’ things – and to stay sitting within the Tzaddik’s circle, as per Rabbenu’s story of the Cripple.

More than that, I can’t really do.

But I pray that thousands of people overcome their own ‘fallen fears’ to make it to Uman and back safely this year – and that the Rav will be joining them, so that geula can come the sweetest way possible, and all the harsh gezeirot can be sweetened.



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In every generation, there are 36 (and some say 72….) hidden tzaddikim.

These are known as the ‘lamed vav’ tzaddikim, and Hashem created the whole world, and continues to sustain it, in the merit of these holy tzaddikim.

And they exist in every generation.

Even ours.


Just what’s the problem?

The problem is that for the last 200 years….400 years….1000 years….2000 years…. the Jewish world has been flooded with fakers and impostors, people who want to ‘lead’ because they have massive egos, and they want the money and power that comes along with having a ‘position’.

Rebbe Nachman explains that really, these people are not to blame for their actions on some level, because they are crazy people with a lust for power.

Interestingly, Rabbenu says that the real fault lies with THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW these false leaders, and accord them honor and influence etc.

For a very long time, this puzzled me tremendously.

But now, I think I’m perhaps starting to understand it a little.


It boils down to this:

We seek out people to follow who actually reflect ourselves, and our own opinions, and our own desires and ‘world-view’.

Angry, judgemental people who have a grudge against others (which is basically just a grudge against Hashem, and how He’s choosing to run the world) – they will gravitate to angry, judgemental ‘leaders’ who turn ‘being angry’ into the biggest mitzvah in the world.

Self-indulgent people, who don’t want to hear about overcoming their own negative desires and lusts will gravitate towards ‘leaders’ who have a heter for everything.

And who minimise working to overcome bad middot, etc, because hey, we’re all just human beings here, bub!

Arrogant people with ‘scientific-atheist’ tendencies will look for ‘leaders’ who reverberate in the same small echo chamber they occupy.


And people who don’t want to take responsibility for their own lives, their own decisions, their own relationship with Hashem – they will look for ‘strong leaders’ who dictate and control every aspect of their lives.

And who demand ‘blind obedience’.

And who silence any questions and any challenges…. (often, literally, by using force, blackmail or threats.)

Clearly, these types of ‘leaders’ aren’t nice, good people.

But just as clearly – we actually follow the type of ‘leader’ we want, usually based on considerations that most people aren’t even aware of, because they don’t spend regular time every day trying to ‘dig in’ to their own psyche, to understand their real motivations, fears, expectations and issues.


So yes, the world is full of ‘fake leaders’ and ‘false messiahs’ of every stripe.

And the less a person is following ‘truth’ – wherever it leads them – the more they will be subject to thinking that these false leaders are ‘real tzaddikim’.

It’s an ongoing massive test.

And once I realised that really, these people are just seeking out ‘mirrors’ of themselves, I stopped arguing with people over ‘Trump being the good in Edom’, and I stopped (mostly….) arguing with people who are following obvious fakers – because the problem is not the ‘false leader’ they are following.

The problem is them, and the lies they like to keep telling themselves.


Here’s what Rebbe Nachman says, (from ‘His Wisdom’ – the English translation of Sichot HaRan, 126):

Regarding the messianic age, it is written:

“And it will be that he who is left in Zion, and he who remains in Jerusalem, ‘holy’ shall be said to him.” (Isaiah 4:3.)

The Talmud teaches that the angels will chant ‘holy, holy, holy’ before the Tzaddikim, just as they do before God. (Bava Batra 75b.)

This means just what it says. 

The Tzaddikim who remain faithful before the coming of the Moshiach will deserve this, and much more – so difficult will it be to remain firm in faith and not be misled by everyone’s mistaken beliefs in the pre-Messianic era.


At that time, there will be many fake religious leaders.

A group such as ours [referring Rebbe Nachman’s own talmidim], in which people gather together thirsting for God’s word, certainly will no longer exist.

There will remain some truly religious individuals, but they will be very widely scattered.

The Rebbe than quoted the verse:

“Write this as a record in a book.” (Exodus 17:14).

In days to come, let people know that there was one who predicted this.

They will know and be encouraged in their faith in God and the true tzaddikim.


Know: There are still 36 TRUE TZADDIKIM in the world!

(And some say, 72.)

And it’s our job to work on ourselves enough, and to vanquish the lies we tell ourselves enough, to start to be able to figure out who those people might actually be.


In ‘Tzaddik’ (the English translation of Chayei Moharan) 605, it says this:

“The Rebbe said:

“Even if you aren’t a good Jew, following a Tzaddik is still very good.

This is what R Shimon [ben Natanel] meant when he said: ‘Don’t be wicked all by yourself.” (Pirkei Avot 2:13)

In other words, even if you are wicked, God forbid, ‘don’t be wicked all by yourself’  – you too should try to get closer to the Tzaddik, so that at least tehre will be some hope for you in the end.”


We’re at the stage where more and more of us are realising that ‘fake rabbis’ and false leaders of all stripes are really a thing.

In the Jewish world, in the orthodox reality, that means that for many people, the test is now switching to the ‘test of Korach’ – i.e. the test of continuing to believe in true Tzaddikim, and the test of understanding that God wants us to be close to the true Tzaddikim – at least 36 of them! – that He put into the world to help and guide us.

This is not about ‘blindly’ following some ‘cult leader’, God forbid.

But it is about asking God to show us what is true, and what isn’t – and then trusting Hashem to do that and guide us to the right ideas and the right people.


Xtianity (and its many derivatives that popped up in ‘chassidic’ thought) teaches that THE TRUE TZADDIK does all the work for us.

We just go and polish buttons, and we’re ‘saved’ automatically.

This isn’t yiddishkeit.

Anyone who sat ‘polishing buttons’ in Egypt instead of following Moshe Rabbenu out into the wilderness died in the plague of darkness.


But here’s the thing:

Anyone who refused to accept that Moshe Rabbenu was THE TRUE TZADDIK, and thought he was just some charismatic cult-leader who wasn’t encouraging people to think for themselves, with all his Torah laws and brand-new regulations – those people also died.

It stands to reason, that people like this also didn’t follow Moshe Rabbenu out into the desert in the first place, because how could you trust anyone who tells you something so obviously irrational?!?!?

I mean, the guy stuttered…. and he was married to the daughter of the biggest idolater in the whole world…. and he ran away from the authorities….

Only a gormless, brainwashed retard would follow someone like that out into the desert.



But that’s not where the test ended.

Even after all the miracles, the manna, the splitting of the sea – people were continually muttering against Moshe Rabbenu, and challenging his leadership.

The classic example was Korach.

Who needs all this TRUE TZADDIK, stuff Moshe?! You are just aggrandising yourself at the expense of everyone else, collecting tithes for your own personal use…

Every Jew is a ‘tzaddik’ – a true tzaddik! So who needs you, and all your rules and diktats, Moshe Rabbenu?!

You are just trying to turn us all into a cult….


Korach was very persuasive.

And all of the people he ‘persuaded’ got swallowed alive by the earth and also didn’t make it to the promised land, Eretz Yisrael.

Yeah, sure, they passed ‘Stage 1’ of geula, and they got out of Egypt, and they understood the world is full of ‘false leaders’ and big lies.

But they didn’t pass Stage 2 – the test of Korach, where they still understood there were 36 True Tzaddikim in every generation, and a TRUE TZADDIK hidden away in every generation, who they had to search for and get close to.

As it was then, so it is now.


Let’s end with some more Rabbenu.

In Sichos HaRan (translated into English as ‘Rebbe Nachman’s Wisdom’, by the Breslov Research Institute), Rebbe Nachman tells us the following:

“It’s written about the time of Moshiach (Job 38:13): ‘To grasp the ends of the earth and shake the wicked from it’.

However, one who comes close to a true Tzaddik, [he] can grab hold of him, and not be cast off.

When we hold on to the Tzaddik, we can stay firm.”


Personally, I am seeing a MASSIVE difference between those people who are really working on their emuna, emunat tzaddikim, and staying close to Rebbe Nachman’s teachings, and sheltering under the Rav’s wing – and everyone else.

People are still going through so many tests and hardships, but there is absolutely no talk of ‘suicide’ or ending it all or anything like that.

Nothing even close to that.

There is still a lot of joy, even amongst the tears, and a lot of hope, even amongst all the worry and fear.

And the source of that is Rabbenu’s teachings, and the Rav’s gentle support via his shiurim and prayers.


Rebbe Nachman also teaches this:

In Sefer HaMiddot (Tzaddik, #151),  he writes:


Next, he explains (Tzaddik #152):



There are 36 True Tzaddikim (and some say 72…) even in our lowly generation.

And the big test now is to avoid the ‘test of Korach’, swallow our own pride and arrogance – and to go and seek them out.


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On Shabbat, I was reading a bit more of the Kochavi Or book in Hebrew, telling more accounts of Rabbenu’s dealings with the maskilim in Uman.

One of the stories really caught my eye.

It was after Rebbe Nachman had passed away, and Breslov chassidut – and Rav Natan Sternhertz in particular – were going through awful persecution from ‘big tzaddikim’ – chassidic Rebbes! – who were literally trying to kill them.

One night, they sent an assassin to Breslov.

Except, the assassin broke into the house of ‘R Natan Apotekker’ in Breslov, instead of R’ Natan Sternhartz, and murdered the man and all his family while they slept in their beds.

When this became known, Hirsch Ber Horowitz, one of the leading maskilim in Uman who had tight links with the Russian government and who played chess with Rabbenu before he died, came to Rav Natan with an offer.

He told him, just give me the word, and I’ll write a letter. Within 24 hours, no trace of your persecutors will remain…


R Natan told him: I would rather be the one being persecuted, than be ‘the persecutor’.

There is a spiritual rule, that God aligns Himself with the ones who are persecuted – even when they otherwise don’t have a lot of good deeds or good character traits to show for themselves.

R Natan then also told Hirsch Ber:

I have no other etzot (advice) – except for prayer!


Even though I am still doing my best to avoid as much ‘fear porn’ news as possible, it’s impossible to not know about anything, especially those things that are happening in Israel itself.

So yes, I do know there was another very strange double murder in Huwara on Shabbat, and there are things about that murder that don’t add up to me at all.

Like, why someone would drive over 100km from Ashdod – on the Southern coast – to Huwara – central-North – to fix their car.

I know Palestinian mechanics tend to be much cheaper, and to do a good job – but there a bunch of cheap Palestinian mechanics in the Gush, too, which is much closer to Ashdod.


And I also don’t get what other ‘errands’ they were meant to be running in Huwara on Shabbat for hours, nor why they would get their car cleaned before they headed back over 100+km on a dusty road back to Ashdod.

Lots of things don’t make sense to me.


And, I also know there was another shooting attack on the roads near Hevron yesterday, that apparently killed a woman.

As much as I would love to filter all this out, I just can’t.


And the last thing I know at the moment, is that the ‘usual suspects’ – all those ‘dati leumi’ figures who really do just work for the government – are now calling on ‘the settlers’ to rise up and basically begin a violent civil war, in the name of ‘self defense’.

Some of the people calling for this literally sit in the government, and apparently are in charge of ‘security’….

Meanwhile, under the watch of this fantastic ‘right wing’ government, the security situation has just gone from bad to worse – because that’s the whole point.

To give everyone such yeoush, such despair about the pointless political situation here and elsewhere that we either sink into total apathy and give up – or get angry and violent.

Either would suit them fine, but the last one is what they are particularly hoping for, because then they can declare martial law and take over the country officially, with a proper pretext.


The Rav has been talking a lot the last couple of weeks about how David refused to wear armor, when he went to fight Goliath, because he wanted to have the miracles.

And the miracles wouldn’t come, if he was doing even minimum things like ‘wearing armor’, the way he was supposed to.

You think we can successfully fight these ‘Goliaths’ of our day, according to their rules?

Do you really think there is any political system in the world that is not totally rigged and under their control? Any political candidate who they would let get the top jobs, if they weren’t totally under the thumb of ‘the machine’?

We can’t fight this Goliath derech hateva.

The only advice is prayer.


To be honest, I have more than mild apprehension about what the next few months are going to bring.

I am trying very hard to carry on living life regardless, and to just carry on praying and trying to do good deeds, and trying to re-focus on the Torah more, and Rabbenu’s teachings, and Rav Berland’s words, because they seem like the best use of my precious time and headspace right now.

It could be, they will try another plandemic soon.

It could be, we’ll wake up to a fake alien invasion one of these mornings.

Or another war.

Or some other totally manufactured situation to keep us all stuck in ‘fear’ mode, and far away from God.


God forbid, any of that happens.

But if it does, I will try to deal with it at the time, in the best way I can.

And in the meantime….the only advice is prayer.


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I got into such a bad mood before Shabbat.

I had a big plan to make a milky Shabbat, replete with filo pastry mushroom bourekas – handmade, with love and lots of butter.

And there wasn’t a lot else on the menu.

My husband, may God bless him with every good thing, and lengthen his days in good health, happiness, peace, nachat from his family and wealth, went shopping to get the bits required.

I gave tailored instructions about the:

Filo pastry…. in a black package… in the fridges next to the smoked salmon….

And when he got home, I had a quick look in the bag, and I saw what looked like the right pastry package staring back at me.


An hour after the supermarket closed, I finally got around to assembling the bourekas.

I opened the package…. and that’s when I saw that whatever this pastry was, hiding out in exactly the same packaging in exactly the place in the fridge next to the smoked salmon – it was not the pastry I wanted.


I would love to tell you that I laughed all this off, ruffled his hair and successfully made ‘lemonade’ out of the ‘lemons’ God had sent me.

I mean, on the big scale of ‘things that could go wrong in the world’, getting the wrong pastry for your bourekas is pretty minor.

And I honestly did try to make ‘lemonade’ out of the wrong-pastry-lemons (not least, because I hadn’t planned to make anything much else and there wasn’t a lot of choice.)

But, when the soggy mess wrapped around the mushroom filling refused to move across to the baking tray without falling apart – that’s when I totally lost any semblance of ‘having emuna’, and ‘accepting everything with love‘.

In an instant, the rage flared up, and I flung the pastry-mess thing on to the baking tray.

(Side note: that actually worked surprisingly well, but is not recommended.)


OK, great… I just failed another big test of not getting angry…. over having the wrong pastry for the bourekas….how pathetic can you get?!

So began the next big test, of trying very hard not to blame myself for being a loser with bad middot, or blaming my husband for having supermarket dyslexia – you know, that strange phenomenon where otherwise very intelligent men simply can’t read labels and understand what is written on them, in a supermarket setting.

BH, I did marginally better with that one, but I still headed into Shabbat feeling pretty grumpy, upset and dissatisfied with myself and the world.

(Side note: it was definitely all connected to discovering more and more of the ‘world of lies’ that’s been built all around us, not least in the orthodox Jewish community, not least, in Israel.)


The next day, I got the ‘hint’ in my hitbodedut to spend some time reading through Rav Berland’s book of prayers to overcome anger, again.

I’ve written about that small red book many, many times before here on the blog, and how it works instantly, to defuse anger.

So I pulled it out, started reading through it – all the stuff about how anger drops you into the ‘boiling furnace of hell’, and then all sorts of demons control you, and you can get horribly sick, too, God forbid – when I got to this section, near the back:

The most severe thing in the world is pride, there is nothing worse than this.

This is the person: honor. That’s his whole being, his imaginary self-honor.

What, this other person doesn’t know what I want?!

He’s doing the opposite of what I want?! And not what I intended?! He did something against me?! Something was done against my will?! He changed my plans? a little bit?!

Who am I and what am I? What are all these ‘plans’ and things I do?


Live quietly!

There is no world, there is nothing. Hashem helps….

Every time this person’s plans are ruined, he is filled with anger….

The Rebbe says that if I get angry at someone, if I stumbled into anger – then it’s certain that this person seeks honor. And everything he does, every ‘mitzvah’ that he performs, it’s only in order to gain more respect…



Not for the first time, the Rav and Rabbenu really nailed the problem.


For years now, I have been trying to walk that very fine line between doing what I think God wants me to do, i.e. calling out the lies we’ve been told, whilst still trying to give God what He wants, i.e. respecting the other person and still trying to see the good, with humility.

I know I am falling all the time with this stuff.

That’s why there are such big breaks sometimes, when I feel that God doesn’t want it anymore, or I don’t have ‘permission’ to dig deeper.

Right now – I am having the opposite.

Right now, there is so much information bubbling to the surface, and such a ‘push’ to get on and get it out there, that I can’t really keep up with it all.

And a big part of me wants to just go fishing for a couple of weeks, while it all blows over again.


Point is, I sometimes feel I am ‘doomed if I do’, and ‘doomed if I don’t’.

For all the times that it’s mostly been  just hunches and guesses, I sounded like a crazed conspiracy theorist and got dissed for not respecting rabbis enough, and not fearing Hashem sufficiently.

Now, finally, more hard information is appearing to really tell more of the story of how our community has been ‘captured’ and subverted by people with evil agendas – and now I have the challenge of not getting all proud and ‘told-you-so-y’, as the facts start to speak for themselves.


So, this is where I’m at.

Still a very flawed person, trying to work on overcoming my own anger, arrogance and lack of emuna.

Still trying to be ‘real’, with you the reader – and also, with myself – about the challenges and difficulties I’m experiencing in many different ways.

And still trying sincerely to give God what I think He wants, even when I am filled with doubts and confusions about whether I’m actually doing the right thing.

And in the meantime…. the birur continues.


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The Rav typically calls these Atzerets when the storm clouds are starting to gather again.

Even though I’m not following the news much these days, I can still tell you that:

There are massive fires going on in Hawaii – Maui, with almost a hundred people dead.

I think that’s the magma moving – Hawaii is a volcanic zone, and volcanoes are connected to earthquakes and other seismic events.


There is another war going on in Ethiopia – and I know this because one of my kid’s friends works for the Jewish Agency and they are getting a ton of calls from worried Ethiopians in Israel.


They are currently dropping rockets on Odessa, in the Ukraine – at least, they were last week, which is when a salesman I was talking to from the Ukraine originally told me his parents are spending most of their time in bombshelters at the moment. But still don’t want to move to Israel….

And lastly, it’s not looking so promising for the Rav to be able to get to Uman this year – and there are also rumours the Ukrainians may try to shut the whole thing down again, or severely limit the numbers.

My husband has his ticket bought and his plans made…. but the rest is up to God.


If you are following ‘the news’, I’m sure you have many, many more things to worry about and pray for, that you can add to the list.

But in the meantime:



There’s a lot to pray for, still.