The difference one jab made.

After yesterday’s post, someone emailed me with a link to the following story, and gave me permission to reprint it here, with the writer’s real name. The family are from the States, and this account 1) really made me pretty sad and 2) really made me think, about how much of the facts concerning modern medicine are actually still being hidden from us all.

I’m still not formally ‘anti’ vaccine, but I am increasingly worried about the lack of transparency and disclosure about the risks associated with vaccines, and I have a very strong feeling that something here is really ‘not right’. But until I’ve pinned that down, I’m still exploring what’s really going on. In the meantime…

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Gittel’s Story

I was sitting in the waiting room of our Dr.’s office, waiting for the nurse to call us back. Gittel and I were there for her 14 month well visit. I watched as she ran up and down in the small waiting room, excited that 2 other little girls were there for her to play with. They were a little shy, but, unfazed, Gittel ran up to them with a big smile and initiated a playful exchange with them.

After a while Gittel came running back to me, as is normal for typical kids to do, almost to reassure herself that mommy is still there and keeping a watchful eye on her. Content after a few snuggles and a quick sip of her sippy cup, she headed back to play with the girls once again, this time stopping for a moment to say hi to some other people who had since entered the waiting room and to light up the faces of a few senior citizens who had just sat down.

This went on for almost an hour until we were finally called back.

When the nurse informed us that it was our turn, I called Gittel, who stopped what she was doing and immediately came back over to mommy. I picked her up and carried her back, as she was a little nervous, and seemed to sense a little suspiciously, that something was “up”. She responded to my reassuring hugs and loving whispers. She watched the nurse carefully as she measured her height and weight and as I answered the usual questions.

When the nurse left the room, we continued to play as we waited for the Dr. to arrive. We sang a couple of her favorite songs, she explored the office a bit and we walked up and down the hallway while we waited some more. Pretty soon it was our turn to be seen.

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There was a gentle knock on the door and the Dr. walked in.

At 14 months, most of the questions were about her development and her overall health, which thank G-d, seemed to be right on track. There was also the basic autism screening questionnaire, which, ever since our Sruly’s autism diagnosis , I viewed as both a relief, and to some degree, a mild annoyance. A relief, being that from the moment that our children are born, I am carefully scrutinizing every aspect of their development.

I am always relieved when I see that, thank G-D, everything is developing as it should. A slight annoyance, since, as the parent of a child with sever autism, for goodness sake, I could write the questionnaire, and it would be a lot more detailed then the one that they have!…. Not to mention the fact, that for the most part, I seem to know more about autism than they do. Just ask me point blank if I think she is “at risk” or possibly “on the spectrum”.

What they should be asking the parent is; may the child possibly be at risk for a vaccine injury based on their past health history? How has the child, or other family member responded to vaccines in the past (fever, lethargy, seizures etc.)? How many rounds of antibiotics has the child received since birth? Does the child have an egg, dairy or other food related allergy? Does the child exhibit symptoms of, or is known to have a mitochondrial disorder? Are there common genetic concerns such as MTHFR, etc., etc…

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In the case of our daughter Gittel, she had received two rounds of antibiotics the year prior, due to a bout of strep.

Re-establishing proper gut health after extensive antibiotic use is crucial. Pumping such a small child with the entire schedule of suggested vaccines, all while their tiny bodies do their best to re-balance themselves, is much like playing Russian Roulette. She was otherwise, thank G-d, a healthy baby. She nursed beautifully (full time!), no acid reflux, no skin issues, no thrush etc… It turns out, that even with all of these questions it is still almost impossible to predict what the outcome of a vaccine may be.

However, I waited patiently and answered all of the questions in turn.

Dr: “Is she making eye contact?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr:  “Does she respond to you when you come into the room?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Dr: “Does she respond when you call her name?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr:  “Does she seem interested in other kids? Does she play with them?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Dr. “Does she use her hands or fingers in an inappropriate way?”

I love this question. What they are trying to ask is, does the child exhibit any self-stimulatory behavior?

Me: “No.”

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After a few more questions, and an otherwise uneventful visit, the Dr. said that the nurse would be in shortly to administer the scheduled vaccines.

He wished us a good day and walked out. Soon the nurse entered and asked us if we were also interested in the chicken pox vaccine in addition to her MMR. Thank G-d I said no. I am honestly not sure what went through my mind at that moment and why I said “no” so quickly. It had not even crossed my mind prior to the visit. (I only learned later on that you are never give two live virus vaccines at once – kind of paradox though, being that the MMR itself contains three [attenuated] live virus vaccines….).

The nurse didn’t seem to mind that we turned down the chicken pox vaccine and proceeded to prepare Gittel for the MMR. Gittel cried briefly as I held her close, reassuring her with soft words while hugging her. The visit was over. When we arrived home, Gittel seemed understandably a little worn out, but still full of smiles and warm snuggles.

That evening however, she developed a fever.

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By the next morning, even after a number of alternating rounds of Tylenol/Motrin, the fever persisted.

What was more worrisome to me than anything else, was the fact that she had completely stopped looking at me and just sat on the floor emotionless. She displayed considerable discomfort, despite the pain killers which I had given her to bring down the fever. She wouldn’t respond to my many attempts to engage her. It almost seemed as though her inner world had completely consumed her.

Alarmed, I mentioned this to my husband, hoping that somehow he could make this stop. Or at the very least pull out his crystal ball and tell me that she would indeed go back to being herself soon. He calmly responded that she was probably just feeling “under the weather” and would soon perk up.

By day two the fever persisted. I watched with a sinking heart as she failed, most notably, to respond to her name. She just sat there. She looked sad and forlorn and didn’t seem to be “here” with us. She seemed as though she didn’t recognize her surroundings or where she was. Oh, how I wanted to know what she was thinking. What was going on in that delicate little brain of hers. Was she scared? What was she feeling? What was hurting? What did she want me to do to help make her feel better?

Still no eye contact.

I got down, face to face with her, cooed, laughed, played our usual funny games, but to no avail. She continuously turned her head to avoid me. She didn’t respond to our games of “chase”, or the thrill of Mommy coming to tickle her. She wouldn’t even smile. And those eyes, those lost eyes… She still cried when she was hungry, and gently snuggled during those intimate moments of nursing I treasured so dearly.

Somehow, instinctively, I knew that I needed help to flush her system. I began with the most natural and soothing thing I knew –  stopping all solid foods and going back to strictly nursing around the clock. She was all too happy to comply.

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Day three, the fever was still there.

I was almost pleading with my husband to see what I was seeing. I was hoping I was wrong. I was scared, very scared. I was scared that I was right. My husband still tried to reassure me that she was not herself, only because she was still under the weather from the effects of the shot. She had not only stopped eye contact, she actively avoided it!

No smiles. She stopped responding to her name. She didn’t respond to our usual fun and games. She didn’t even stop to watch her siblings, let alone interact with them. She seemed to be hardly managing or coping with what life had just thrown at her. With what life had just thrown at us all.

After 3 days, her fever subsided. For the next couple of weeks I kept trying to interact with her, to engage with her, to make eye contact, smiles, something! But there was nothing. She moseyed around the house in her own little world. She was busy. Very busy. Almost alarmingly busy. Before all of this, she used to knock down the occasional book from the bookshelf, as do most busy toddlers, and when caught in the act by either my husband or myself, she would giggle and scream in sheer delight. Knowing that we were coming closer to get her and tickle her away from her little game.

It was her way of both exploring and of successfully capturing our attention. Now, however, she seemed like she was on a very serious mission to wipe out the entire bookshelf over and over again. She was completely expressionless. She stopped responding to our playful drama when coming to get her. It was during one of these episodes, about 3 weeks after she received her shot, that my husband finally realized that I wasn’t just being overly worried.

There was indeed something alarming here….. and all too familiar…..

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Once my husband realized the magnitude of what I was seeing, it was then, that everything suddenly seemed official.

Until then I was hanging on to the small thread of hope that perhaps I really was just worrying too much. It was then that the tears began to fall. The next few months were full of prayer, specialists, supplements, therapies and more prayer. We took her to specialist who confirmed the presence of inflammation in her brain. I was so shaken by what had happened, that I was afraid to take her back to her original Dr. I assumed that he would simply dismiss our case entirely upon hearing that it was vaccine related.

I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe this was happening to a second child. How could I have been so stupid 12 years ago in letting the doctors convince me that vaccines were still unquestionably safe. That the pros very much so outweighed the cons. That all of this would have happened “regardless”.

I once again found myself in tears before G-d. “Please,” I begged, “Don’t let this happen to another child.” I don’t think I have ever before asked my Grandmothers who had passed away, to help me beseech G-d for His supernal mercy. To ask Him to help us in this time of need. I began praying and asking my Grandmothers and a dear, special and holy Great Aunt, to please daven for her as well.

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Many months went by, and thank G-d she ever so often began to smile again.

During this time we continued with her rigorous supplement regimen, therapy, nursing, praying and more praying. One night, after a couple of more months had gone by, I tearfully began to daven. I am not sure if this was the right thing to do, but I asked G-d that if this was truly the decree, if this is what was meant to be, if  He could please, please lessen the severity and make it mild. Please not so sever.

Little by little she began to make some fleeting yet noticeable eye contact. She preferred not to, however when we came “face to face” she wouldn’t actively turn her head to avoid us. She still wouldn’t react if we were coming to play chase with her from across the room, but if we made it into her personal space, she ever so slowly began to respond with smiles and giggles. She also seemed to once again, enjoy being in the company of her siblings.

At nearly a year later, she had come along way. She was still unable to communicate even her most basic needs, but she has begun to “label”. She did not respond to her name or even turn when you called her. She would however get excited with interactive games like chase, dancing and peek-a-boo. Thank G-d she still had the most beautiful smile and infectious little giggle.

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She used to sit down and get comfortable with a stack of books by her side.

Looking through each one slowly, with intent and purpose, while turning the pages slowly and enjoying every picture. She would occasionally pick up a book and go through it quickly. It was difficult however, to tell how much she understood. She seemed to enjoy watching the pages turn more so than anything else. She enjoyed sitting and playing next to other children, including her siblings, however she had stopped initiating play, as well as any other form of communication.

And her eyes.

There used to be a sparkle in those beautiful eyes. Those wise, playful yet knowing eyes. She had lost that twinkle, that spark of life. Although part of me was still hopeful, I remained cautious. And of course, there was still a part of me which didn’t want to think too much about any of it at all.

We still watch her very carefully. The specialists which we went to said, that at this young age, children can respond well to appropriate supplements and therapies. “The body,” they told us, “is a self righting ship.”

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I eventually gathered up the courage to return to the original Dr. who’s office administered the vaccine.

When he finished hearing our story and reading the medical and laboratory reports, he responded that in all of his many years of practice, he has never seen a reaction to a vaccine quite like this. While I found this hard to believe, he did, however, agree that it most definitely looked like a vaccine injury. He agreed that the symptoms she exhibited in the days following her vaccine seemed to indicate possible encephalitis.

He was kind enough to encourage us to file suite against the federal government’s vaccine injury court (which up until that point we never knew existed). He mentioned that any documentation relating to our daughter’s condition, which we may need moving forward, he would gladly provide us with.

Just as our visit was ending he said something which both scared me and consequently left me very skeptical of the medical establishments motives, in general. He looked at us and said, “I think we should hold off on vaccines for the next three months.” I looked at him, completely dumbfounded, almost not believing what we were hearing. After all of this, and this was still his view? I realized then and there that it wasn’t worth our time or emotional energy to argue. We promptly ended the visit and walked out.

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I know everything that goes on in this world is all part of G-d’s master plan, but sometimes I wish I could just ask G-d what exactly does He want from me?

What do I need to fix? What do I need to do to improve? I do thank G-d every day for giving us life, for keeping us together, for blessing us with all of the beautiful gifts and Brachot He has bestowed upon us. For blessing us with the thoughtful tests that He has so carefully chosen for us. I pray that all of us be blessed with immense light, love, simcha (joy), brachot (blessings), good mazal, nachas, wisdom, long life and the strength to carry on. May we all merit to greet Moshiach, together with all of Klal Yisroel, speedily in our days.

We are ready, Hashem.

We are oh, so ready.

– Matana Boloten

Originally written, Dec 2015

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You can’t read this and not cry a little bit. There is nothing I can add that wouldn’t just detract. But it’s definitely time to learn more, and to get properly informed about what are fundamentally huge choices to make about our children, and our children’s health.

What does it really mean to ‘go to yourself’?

This week, we’re reading Parsha Lech Lecha, where Avraham Avinu is given a clear steer by Hashem that he needs to leave his birth place, his family, his status and go to some unknown destination.

We know that the deeds of the forefathers are a ‘sign’ or message for their descendants, and that each of us will have to face some form of lech lecha in the service of Hashem. What do you think that would look like, for us today?

I was pondering this after my piece on Who is Armilus? over on the RavBerland.com site attracted some comments that caused me to raise an eyebrow.

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Apparently, few sacred cows are as sacred as Donald Trump…. Again, I’m not political in the least, and I really couldn’t give a monkeys who sits in the White House, or what party they belong to.

The political system everywhere in the world is an illusion, a Greek-inspired fantasy world that keeps us all at each other throats arguing partisan politics while the real baddies continue to pull the strings from behind the scenesAt this point, it seems sensible to assume that:

All politicians are bad, and are serving a system that is bad.

Are some better than others? Maybe. Who knows? Who really cares? It’s a shade of grey that only distracts from the underlying clarity that the political system is a fantasy that’s used to manipulate and confuse people into believing that they have some choice, or some say, in how the planet is really being run.

Really? We don’t.

And personally, I’m so weary of all these pointless discussions about impeachment, and Democrats vs Republicans, and Brexit yes or no, and Lieberman and Blue and White, and all the rest of it.

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All of this stuff is just keeping us away from the tachlis, the main point, the purpose of life:

To get closer to Hashem, and work on our own bad middot.

All this other stuff is just a pointless distraction. Partisan politics replaced religion as the ‘opium of the masses’, and it’s so frustrating to see how many people are literally wasting their time, their lives, on something that is 100% fantasy.

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The facts are these:

The US is interested in one thing, and one thing alone: it’s economy.

The US is using its army for one thing, and one thing alone: threatening and taking over third world countries so it can asset-strip them of their valuable natural resources, especially oil and natural gas.

The US ‘recognised’ the Golan Heights as belonging to Israel for one reason, and one reason alone:

There is a massive oil field there, that the Israeli mafia who run the country, together with the corrupt billionaires who are pulling the strings in the US and the UK have already divvied-up between them.

US company Genie was granted the contract to start exploring for oil in the Golan in 2013 – conveniently 18 months after Syria’s civil war began. The following information on Genie comes from the petroleum-economist site:

Genie was founded by Howard Jonas, who also founded the telecoms company, IDT. Jonas tried to emigrate to Israel in 2005 but found it impossible to manage his business from there. IDT is one of the largest private employers in Jerusalem, which Jonas has called the “centre of the world”.

Genies’ advisory board includes Rupert Murdoch, Dick Cheney and Jacob Rothschild.

The chairman of Genie’s Israeli subsidiary is Effie Eitam, a former leader of the Israeli National Religious Party, which represents Israeli settlers, and former minister for infrastructure. Eitam fought in the Golan and lives in one of its settlements.

Uzi Landau, the minister of infrastructure until last month, who granted the licence to explore for oil to Genie was a cabinet colleague of Eitam in at least two Israeli governments.

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Are you starting to see how all this works?

What’s amazing to me is that no-one is talking about what went on with the obvious corruption and croney-ism that’s behind this Genie / Golan Heights deal.

(Read THIS for more. I’m not sure how far down that rabbit hole I want to venture, at this point, and let me also point out that while this author is making some very interesting connections, clearly not everything he’s saying is true.)

But make no mistake, that any profit from these natural resources that should be going to you and me, the citizens of Israel, and to building the country, has already been slated to inflate the bank accounts and power-bases of the tiny handful of ‘elites’ who already own everything else in the world.

Trump good, Trump bad – who cares?

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Jews all over the world have a duty to stop lying to ourselves about what is really going on in the world.

The truth is, the Muslim regimes that the US and the West are trying to overthrow actually have far more in common with authentic Judaism than the ‘enlightened’ forces battling them. Of course, I’m not condoning ISIS violence, or Sharia law, or chopping people heads and hands off, God forbid, anything but.

God forbid, I’m not condoning the Iranian nuke, or it’s aggression against Israel.

But let’s take the blinders off, and ask ourselves a serious question, for a moment:

If we are really honest about what the US has done and is doing in the world, in the name of ‘democracy’ and ‘justice’, we will find that the US has wrecked and pillaged one country after another, both overtly and covertly, to service its insatiable greed.

(Let’s be clear that the European colonialists were doing all this before them, just the US has taken over where the Brits, French, Dutch and Belgians apparently stopped.)

The CIA, the NSA, MI6 and some of the other spook agencies have deliberately destabilized one country after another politically, so they could install a ‘puppet regime’ who would be very happy to let the Americans asset-strip the country. American companies get the fat contracts to ‘exploit’ the resources, and the American government sets the ‘fair’ price they are willing to pay for them.

And who loses out?

The poor citizens of these countries.

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I’m pointing this out because unless there is some massive, sincere teshuva unleashed in the US and the West, and particularly in the Jewish communities there, sooner or later God is going to pull the rug out from the USA’s feet.

The earth is already shaking, although the media is studiously ignoring all the signs that the seismic pressure is alarming, and pointing to the distinct possibility that the North American landscape may soon be about to change in a whole bunch of ways.

And I’m not talking about politics.

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Iran hates America, because the US overthrew its democratically-elected government back in the 1950s, to install their corrupt puppet, the Shah. The Shah oppressed his people ruthlessly – but sold oil to the Americans for a knock-down price. So he was painted as the good guy!!!

And the same thing has happened all over Latin America and Africa, too.

The world is in the awful mess it is in today, with billions of people stuck in a permanent ‘Third World’, because the US and NATO and the CIA went in time and time again to overthrow a democratic government that was inimical to Western economic interests, to replace it with a brutal, corrupt dictatorship that let the Americans and Europeans asset-strip to their hearts’ content.

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So what does all this have to do with lech lecha, and the Jews?

Rebbe Nachman teaches that each of the 70 nations of the world has a particular evil ‘trait’ that the Jews who live in that nation will have to overcome, in order to rectify it.

It’s as clear as daylight that the main evil trait of the USA is a lust for money.

It’s as clear as daylight, that the US has totally wrecked and corrupted half the world in their blind pursuit of oil, gas, and economic abundance.

It’s as clear as daylight, that the lust for money is also the main reason why more of America’s orthodox Jews aren’t moving to Israel – and why so many Jews in the US abandoned their yiddishkeit and assimilated in the first place.

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This week, God is giving us a prod in the back, and He’s telling us:

Lech Lecha!

Leave all that materialism, all that phoney talk about ‘justice and democracy’, all those lies about America being the world’s ‘good guy’, all that Greek fantasy about politics mattering an iota – and get real.

Get real.

Understand that the Jews who are living in America – and of course everywhere else in the world – have an awful lot of teshuva to make.

Enough with the pretend perfect.

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All God really requires of us, is for us to be honest about what the problems really are, and to ask for His help to overcome them.

But for as long as we’re pretending that the USA is ‘justice’ embodied, and for as long as we’re pretending that all the awful, bad, disgusting things that we ourselves do to other people are ‘justified’, we are a million miles away from really doing Lech Lecha, and leaving the bad behind to return to Hashem.

But maybe, just maybe, 5780 is the year to finally face that truth down.

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You might also like this article:

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The New Madrid Seismic Zone in the US is being hit by quakes.

If you don’t know what the New Madrid Seismic Zone is, or why that’s such a big deal, read this.

To give you a potted history, back in 1811, New Madrid in the USA was hit with a number of quakes that totally destroyed a massive part of the Mid-USA.

The quakes started on December 16, 1811, with a quake that registered 8.1 on the Richter scale and continued throughout March of 1812.

Over that 4-month period, there were up to 10,000 quakes in the New Madrid area itself close to where the Ohio and Mississippi rivers meet, including an enormous quake on February 7, 1812, that was estimated to be as much as 8.8 on the Richter scale.[1]

After that earth-shaking strike which wrenched the land 15 miles south of New Madrid, a new lake was created, an American Indian village was destroyed by flooding, thousands of acres of forest were destroyed almost instantly, and a number of boatmen on the river reported that the Mississippi River started running backward for many hours.

Crew and passengers aboard the Mississippi’s first ever steamboat recorded how some of the islands in the Mississippi literally sank overnight.

If that wasn’t catastrophic enough, a number of crevices also began to open up in the ground around New Madrid as the terra firma continued to spasm, and some were up to 5 miles long. There were many reports of people who went missing at this time, presumed to have fallen into a fissure and been swallowed up by the earth.

There were also reports of the earth receding to a depth of 5 meters in some places.

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Meanwhile, water gushed out of ruptures and craterlets, literally creating huge new lakes overnight like Lake Saint Francis in eastern Arkansas, which measures some 64 kilometers long by 1 kilometer wide.

The earthquakes also caused a number of sand boils, or sand volcanoes to form around New Madrid, including one that measured 1.4 miles long and 136 acres across that was dubbed ”the Beach” by locals.[2] And small golf ball-size tar spheres of solidified petroleum also appeared in the fissures and sand boils after the earthquakes.

All told, an area measuring between 78,000 and 129,000 square kilometers was dramatically affected by land caving in or being uplifted, landslides, sand volcanoes, sinkholes, and rifts which completely changed the topography of the area overnight. Today, you can see what’s called the Lake County uplift, which towers 10 meters over parts of the Mississippi River Valley for about a 50-kilometer stretch.[3]

Modern geologists are keen to assure us that:

“Most of the uplift occurred during prehistoric earthquakes.”[4]

But at least part of this uplift, called the Tiptonville Dome, which measures 14 km wide and 11 km long was formed sometime between just 200 and 2000 years ago.[5] That is, mountains were formed in the American Midwest well within modern times.

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And now, the whole of the North American craton is moving, and the seismic pressure under the US is building to a crescendo again.

Smaller quakes have been hitting New Madrid and Missouri all through the summer, but now they are going up in frequency and intensity. On September 30, 2019, the New Madrid seismic zone was hit by 6 ‘medium’ earthquakes.

Now, according to DutchSinse, the quakes are on the rise across the whole of North America. And the fires that are connected to the underground methane gases rising up and igniting are still burning all over America’s West Coast. And so many of North America and Canada’s volcanoes are experiencing increased seismic activity.

And there’s a new, bigger, swarm of earthquakes going on in the New Madrid Zone.

You can take a look for yourself, here:

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Dutchsinse is calling for new 6.0+ earthquakes to strike over the next week.

This is a forecast, not a prediction, and like all forecasts, it’s not 100% accurate. Dutchsinse is right around 70% of the time, so this shouldn’t be ignored out of hand. Hashem is trying to get our attention.

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I’m having some interesting conversations over email around the last post. One reader suggested that maybe this could be a carry-on from the ‘Geula Gatherings‘ of last year, that kind of crashed and burned and left a lot of people who’d participated feeling very empty and despairing, when after all that effort, nothing really happened.

Or at least, that’s how it looked from the outside. From the inside, from the soul-side, who knows what was really being accomplished? But one thing is clear:

IF WE REALLY WANT GEULA TO COME, WE HAVE TO START DOING THE REAL WORK OF BRINGING IT.

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As you know, I’m a Breslover (trying to be…) The Breslov path set out by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov teaches that while we can’t do anything without being connected to the True Tzaddik, he can’t do anything without our effort and prayers either. Breslov is not xtianity; we can’t just sit back and get ‘saved’ by our leader. We need to be active participants in the geula process, but following the lead of the True Tzaddik.

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HERE’S SOME SOURCES, ON WHY WE NEED TO BE CONNECTED TO THE TRUE TZADDIK:

(You can find more Breslov sources on this topic HERE.)

Everyone must intend, when praying, to bind himself to the Generation’s Tzaddikim, because only
they know how to elevate each and every prayer to its destined place. (Likutey Etzot, Tzaddik 1)

By attaching to the Tzaddikim and following their advice, one becomes engraved with Truth and
merits to attain Faith and Prayer, the Land of Israel, and Miracles. And through this will come the
Redemption. (Etzot, Tz. 9)

Before one draws near to the Tzaddik, he is categorized as ‘fat-hearted’, meaning that his heart is sealed, his ears are shut, and his eyes are blind to the Truth, and he is unable to arouse himself to repentance. When he attaches himself to the Tzaddikim, however, and accepts their advice, then his heart, eyes, and ears are opened, and he understands the Truth and merits Repentance. (Etzot, Tz. 10)

There are souls that are so corrupt that, even after they come to the True Tzaddikim, they remain immersed in all their desires and are unable to move away from profanity towards holiness by even a hairsbreadth. It is surely impossible to elevate and renew souls like these, to make them born again. Yet there is a Tzaddik who is so wondrously and awesomely great that he is able to elevate even these blemished souls through rebirth, thereby renewing them for the good.

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Drawing close to the ‘True Tzaddikim’ is the beginning of redemption – but it’s not where it ends.

Back in January 1987, the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, z’tl was recorded as saying this:

“My father-in-law [Rabbi Yosef Yitzhak Schneersohn], the Rebbe, gave us a mission: “Stand ready to greet Moshiach.” “Everything is already prepared, all that remains is to ‘polish the buttons.'”

The analogy of “polishing the buttons” is a precise one. In the overall picture, buttons are quite minor; they merely serve to fasten a garment onto the person. Spiritually speaking, “to polish the buttons” means that the Jewish People themselves, their “garments” and even their “buttons” are ready for the Redemption. They need to merely be “polished” in order for Moshiach to come.

In practical terms: Every Jew must do their part in this mission by enhancing their Torah study, observance of Mitzvos, and prayer. All those who work to earn a livelihood, should set aside a time during every work day for Torah study. They certainly want to run their businesses according to Torah guidelines, and fixed times for Torah study are a way to assure that a Jewish business runs according to Torah.”

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While there is a lot of similarity between the Chabad path to geula and the Breslov path, there are also some crucial differences.

Where Chabad is putting the focus on: “enhancing their Torah study, observance of Mitzvos, and prayer” – which is wonderful and a very important part of the equation, Breslov takes all that and adds a crucial element:

Work on your bad middot!!!!!

Fix your bad character traits!!!!

Because working to overcome our anger, our jealousy, our hatred, our depression, our fear, our despair, our harsh judgment of other people, is what the geula and Moshiach really depends on.

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To put this into other words, Rebbe Nachman is telling us: You can’t do anything without me, without the True Tzaddik, but guess what? I also can’t do anything without you!!

There is one reason, and one reason only, why Moshiach hasn’t shown up yet, and why the geula process is stuck. It’s because we aren’t working on our bad middot. 

And that’s the WHOLE REASON WE’RE DOWN HERE.

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Life is not meant to be easy.

Geula isn’t meant to be a passive activity where we just sit on the sidelines ‘polishing buttons’, while we leave all the heavy lifting to the true Tzaddik of the generation. There is a lot of work to do! So many of us – even the ‘frummest of the frum’ people out there – are full of anger, arrogance, jealousy, greed and hatred.

So many of us are living superficial, phony lives where the body is totally in the driving seat, and the soul is left far, far behind. Just doing one more mitzva is not going to fix that fundamental problem. Getting to grips with our bad middot, and finally uprooting the sinat chinam that we all still have, is what’s going to bring the geula.

And that is really hard work!

The hardest work!

But we need to be clear that THIS is what’s going to bring the geula the sweet way, and nothing else.

====

The USA is being hit with increasingly powerful earthquakes. The political system is hanging by a thread in pretty much any country you care to mention. The lies are crumbling all over the place.

We really need Moshiach now, don’t we?

But we’re only going to get him, if we’re willing to do the work that God put us down here to do.

And that’s really the basis of the training I want to start doing. So If you’re still interested, please get in touch.

====

FOOTNOTES:

[1] 2014 USGS National Seismic Hazard Map – https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/events/1811-1812newmadrid/summary.php

[2] http://www.new-madrid.mo.us/index.aspx?nid=132

[3] 2014 USGS National Seismic Hazard Map – https://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/events/1811-1812newmadrid/summary.php

[4] Ibid.

[5]   http://www.new-madrid.mo.us/index.aspx?nid=132 – Abridged from Seismicity of the United States, 1568-1989 (Revised), by Carl W. Stover and Jerry L. Coffman, U.S. Geological Survey Professional Paper 1527, United States Government Printing Office, Washington: 1993; Johnston, A.C., and Schweig, E.S., 1996, The enigma of the New Madrid earthquakes of 1811-1812: Annual Review of Earth and Planetary Sciences, v. 24, p. 339-384; doi: 10.1146/annurev.earth.24.1.339;Hough, S.E., 2009, Cataloging the 1811-1812 New Madrid, Central U.S., Earthquake Sequence, Seismological Research Letters V. 80, No. 6, p 1045-1053 /doi: 10.1785/gssrl.80.6.1045.

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Photo by Andrew Buchanan on Unsplash

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It’s a funny time, isn’t it?

Here’s what’s going on my life, right now: on the one hand, I am gathering more and more information together on a whole range of subjects that shows that most of the modern world we live in is based on a pack of lies. And on the other, I’m trying to sort out the most ‘real world’ business venture I’ve embarked upon for close to two decades.

==

If I touched on everything I’ve found out is a lie over the last few years, it would be a very long list. But when you really look at it, all our problems really just boil down to this:

We are scared to be real, and to really face up to what’s going on in our lives and our middot, and to have a real relationship with ourselves, other people and Hashem.

100%, this is the only reason that we’re still in golus, and still spinning our wheels, living superficial lives that are generally making us pretty miserable, and scared to open up and connect in any real way to anyone – including ourselves.

==

Over the last 15 years, I’ve had a mighty struggle to try to develop some of that REAL in my own life. When I got to Israel back in 2005, I was still so caught up in all the materialism and competition that the secular world is built on.

God had to keep giving me some sharp raps across the knuckles to really bring my attention to the fact that my ‘wonderful life’ was actually making me totally miserable. I was doing everything the magazines told me to do – I had a career, was making good money, owned a house, had a nice husband, two  nice kids – what’s the problem here?!?!?

I didn’t know the answer to that question in London, where I was feeling more and more anxious, depressed, stressed, miserable and overwhelmed before we made aliya.

I’ve been through so much the last 15 years, as part of the process of getting re-educated about what life is actually really meant to be about, especially if you’re a Jew. I don’t own a house anymore, I don’t have a career, I don’t spend Shabbos lavishing entertaining, or trying to stuff every spare minute with ‘action’, so I don’t have to spend any time in my own head, just being.

And I am so, so happier because of it.

And my relationships with the people who really count in life – i.e. my husband, my kids, myself and Hashem – are doing so much better than they were back in 2005.

And what made the biggest difference?

Learning to talk to Hashem, and to be real, and to stop running away from the truth, especially about myself and my own limitations.

==

You know why it feels so ‘weird’ right now? Because the light of Moshiach – the light of truth – is slowly rising in the world, and it’s that ‘sun with healing on its wings’ that is going to burn all the wicked up, but heal all the righteous.

On the blog here, and over on spiritualselfhelp.org, I’ve been pretty honest about the bad middot I’ve got, and the issues I’ve had in my relationships, and what I’ve had to do and acknowledge and work on, to stop being a bona fide psycho to my husband and children.

I’m not telling myself any fibs that it’s ‘ok’ to try and control other people via rage fits and insults; or that it’s ‘ok’ to act like a hypocrite, dishing out advice from that place up on high that I myself can’t hold by in a million years. As soon as I realized that it’s not ‘ok’ to go around trying to control people, or trying to force my children to be ‘perfect’ so that I’ll look good in front of my neighbors, I got to work trying to live that truth.

I’m still falling down on my middot a million times a day, let’s be clear.

But that’s OK. I know I’m on a low level spiritually, and I also know that Hashem just wants the effort, but the outcome is up to him.

But I look around, and I still so many people who seem to be stuck in the lies – and as the light of Moshiach continues to rise in the world, those lies are starting to weigh heavier and heavier. It’s getting harder and harder to believe that politics is the ‘answer’ to anything. It’s getting less and less credible to believe in ‘man-made global warming’. It’s getting way harder for us all to keep pretending that all the problems are just because of ‘everyone else’, and their bad middot.

All of us are down here to work on one person:

OURSELVES.

And the main work to be done is to be real, and authentic, and to start to serve Hashem joyfully from that low place of knowing we are totally imperfect – but that there is actually nothing fundamentally ‘wrong’ with us!!

God created us this way, with bad middot, and gave us the job of working on those bad middot over 120 years, to try to rectify them.

====

This is a bit of a rambling post, I know. It’s because I’m trying to blast through the ‘head fog’ that seems to keep descending up on everything worthwhile and meaningful and true, and that keeps sucking us all back into that superficial, nasty space where nothing really matters, and no-one really cares about anything or anyone.

Here’s what I’m really trying to say.

Over the last few years, so much of the public discourse, so much of society, has been shaped by self-absorbed ‘go getters’, who constantly talk about themselves and what they think, and who cow everyone else into falling in line behind them. I have some aspect of that myself, and it’s something I’m continually monitoring and working on, to do my best to ‘use it’ for Hashem, instead of just for myself.

In common parlance, these types of people are often referred to as ‘narcissists’, but I prefer to call them ‘motivators’.

They have a ton of energy, they are very focused, and they often get a lot done. But when they aren’t balancing all their ‘fire’ with humility, and a genuine desire to serve Hashem, they usually just end causing a lot of arguments and destruction, instead.

Then, there are all the quiet, gentle, ‘nice’ people out there – so many of them!! – who generally feel too shy to share their views, and are often too gentle to want to wade into the cut-throat business of taking a stand or having a real opinion, or being authentic.

Over the years, I’ve met some of you in person and over email, when you had the courage to reach out and say hello.

Here’s the thing:

You guys are the people who are really going to bring the geula, and really going to fix the world.

It’s you, that silent majority, the salt-of-the-earth types that don’t really believe in your own goodness, your own importance, and who lack confidence in your own ability to change things for the better, who are really going to bring the geula.

Not the big mouths, or the firebrands, or the holier-than-thou preachers and gurus.

====

Gosh, I’m finding this so hard to put into words, which is very unusual for me.

So let me just cut to the chase.

After 15 years of going through SO much stuff, emotionally, spiritually, career-wise, health-wise, relationship-wise, you name it, baruch Hashem, I now have a lot of insight into how people really work.

And I want to start teaching it to others out there, but particularly, the salt-of-the-earth women, who are finding it hard to say ‘no’ to others, and to make their voices heard, and to set healthy boundaries, and to put their quiet goodness out there in a way that will really shape the world in a profound way.

In the next month or so, BH, I will be launching a pilot program to teach this information to a small group of 10 women. I’m still figuring out the packaging, but I already know what this program is going to do:

It’s going to help those ‘good’, but quiet women to finally find their voice, and the confidence they need to stand up for themselves and for ‘right’ without being steamrollered by all the mouthy, self-obsessed ‘motivators’ out there.

====

Why is that important?

Because these women are the ones who are going to bring the geula.

The world needs them, and it desperately needs for them to to start expressing their inner wisdom, and their inner goodness, and their inner clarity to start countering all the lies, and to help get us ready for Moshiach.

What is going to bring Moshiach is being real, and doing our best to work on ourselves, and to create an authentic environment in our homes and communities where the voice of the soul – the voice of peace, love, humility, emuna and truth – can start to shine out and be heard.

Phew.

If this speaks to you – at all – please drop me an email, and let’s discuss how to really do this.

I’m not pretending I have all the answers, or that I’m totally fixed, anything but. But Hashem has given me a lot of information that I know could help a lot of people, and especially the gentle people out there, to start putting down the boundaries they need to in a loving way, and to stop enabling ‘bad’.

And once more of us start to put that light out in our own dalet amot, the ‘bad’ that is preventing Moshiach from coming will disappear by itself.

====

Just as the women brought the redemption in Egypt, so they will bring it again in our days.

One lasting marriage at a time, one loved kid at a time, one honest and caring conversation at a time.

That’s really the only thing that matters, and not who becomes president, or who is going to end up being Moshiach, or all the other pointless things we waste so much time and energy debating.

I know ‘real’ is scary, but facing up to our ‘real’ – with tremendous compassion and understanding – is how we actually get out of galut, personally and nationally.

So, if you’d like to join me, either take the minute required to fill in the survey HERE, or drop me an email HERE.

It’s time for the ladies to start roaring.

====

UPDATE:

Baruch Hashem, I’m starting to pin this down more already.

I basically want to do ‘Azamra’ as a practical course, which will give concrete, tangible ways for:

1) Understanding the 4 main ways our yetzer hara takes us out, based on Likutey Moharan, as reflected in cutting edge science
2) Taking down bad middot like: anger, yeoush, depression, people pleasing, fear and anxiety – in ways that actually totally work in real time.
3) And perhaps most importantly of all, this is the main focus of the program:
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to feel good about yourself, and feel good within your relationships, in six weeks or less, so you can wake up happy, and enjoy being yourself around other people.
Because I think that is really the key to giving Hashem what He really wants from us, and bringing the geula happily, the sweet way, in both our private and public spheres.
How does this sound? I’m VERY open to feedback and ideas.

====

Do you want join me, and see where this goes?

Drop me an email!

This could start to get pretty interesting, with God’s help!

====

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What really happened to all those elite Nazi scientists, generals and spies, after World War II?

A little while ago, I found myself obsessing over what had happened to all those thousands upon thousands of Yemenite children who were stolen from their parents by the nascent State of Israel. Tracking down what I believe to be the answer to that question led to one of the biggest can of worms imaginable. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some of what I learned, and what the implications are for us, today.

==

Beginning on July 4th, 2019, Pacific USA was hit by a number of very large earthquakes.

These quakes led to a massive rent opening up in the ground way out in the desert, by the Naval Air Weapons Station China Lake. Since it was first set up in 1943, activities in China Lake have always been top secret, highly classified so no civilians were allowed to actually get a close-up view of the massive rent in the ground that suddenly appeared.

But the US government couldn’t deny what had happened, as the fissure was so large, it was visible from outer space. According to the GlobalSecurity.org website:

The earthquakes that struck California in July 2019 caused more than $5 billion worth of damage to Naval Air Weapons Station China Lake. The 6.4-magnitude tremor that struck 122 miles northeast of Los Angeles on 04 July 2019 was followed one day later by a powerful 7.1-magnitude earthquake that caused a fissure within the Little Lake fault zone in Southern California’s Indian Wells Valley area. At least 159 aftershocks of magnitude 2.5 or greater were recorded after the first earthquake on July 4.

====

Over the years, China Lake developed a reputation for being one of the US military’s most secretive bases, home to many ‘top secret’ projects. Many of the hi-tech weapons of war have been developed there. Sidewinder, Shrike and Walleye missiles have all been developed there, by scientists working for the US military and intelligence.

With the epicenter of these earthquakes striking precisely there, on American Independence Day, God seemed to be sending the US a clear message that He wasn’t so happy with the activities occurring at China Lake. Why could that be?

====

The date is May, 1945.

After a brutal six years of war that cost the lives of more than 50 million people, including the six million Jews who were brutally murdered, shot, gassed, starved and experimented on by the Nazis, Nazi Germany finally waved the white flag, as US and Soviet raced each other towards the capital, Berlin.

If, like me, you believed all the ‘history’ we were routinely taught about what happened next, you’ll say that the Allies quickly organized the Nuremburg Trials to put the leading Nazis and their cohorts on trial for their crimes, and did their best to track down all the other leading Nazis – many of whom somehow managed to cunningly escape and move to South America, with some help from the Vatican and the Red Cross:

By comparing lists of wanted war criminals to travel documents, Steinacher [Author of Nazis on the Run] says Britain and Canada alone inadvertently took in around 8,000 former Waffen-SS members in 1947, many on the basis of valid documents issued mistakenly.

(Emphasis mine).

What no-one ever taught me is how the OSS (the forerunner to what become the CIA, under Allen Dulles) and the British secret service made every effort they could to ‘hoover up’ all of the Nazis’ best talent, particularly when it came to developing new weapons, acquiring new technology, and pursuing more knowledge about how humans, and human biology, actually worked.

Initially, the plan was just to interview all these top Nazi and SS scientists, squeeze all of the information out of them, and then leave them to their fate in Germany.

But as the Americans came to understand just how ‘advanced’ Nazi technology and biological insight had become, the plan changed.

====

====

In August 1945, American President Harry S Truman agreed to let Bosquet Wev, Director of the War Department’s Joint Intelligence Objectives Agency (JIOA) bring thousands of these German scientists to the US. Truman made a point of barring any German scientist who was known:

“To have been a member of the Nazi Party, and more than a nominal participant in its activities, or an active supporter of Nazi militarism.”

But the problem for the JOIA was that many of the key scientists they wanted to bring to the USA didn’t fit this criteria, and some of them, like rocket scientists Wernher von Braun and Arthur Rudolph, and medical doctor Hubertus Strughold, had already been given a classification as a “menace to the security of the Allied Forces”.

In February 1947, JIOA submitted its first wave of dossiers to be reviewed by the State and Justice Department.

All visa requests were turned down, as the State Department representative Samuel Klaus claimed every scientist put forward had been an ‘ardent Nazi’.

JIOA Director Wev responded by writing a memo stating: “the best interests of the United States have been subjugated to the efforts expended in ‘beating a dead Nazi horse.”

Wev argued that the best interests of the US lay in utilizing these mens’ knowledge, and ignoring their sordid past.

Meanwhile, Major-General Hugh Knerr, deputy commander of the US Air Force in Europe, wrote:

“Occupation of German scientific and industrial establishments has revealed the fact that we have been alarmingly backward in many fields of research. If we do not take the opportunity to seize the apparatus and the brains that developed it and put the combination back to work promptly, we will remain several years behind while we attempt to cover a field already exploited.”

Allen Dulles, head of the CIA agreed. He’d recently had a meeting with the head of Nazi Intelligence in Russia, Reinhard Gehlen, and by all accounts, the two had hit it off admirably.

Dulles agreed for Gehlen and his army of Nazi spies to be ‘incorporated’ into the CIA, and then the JOIA promptly went to work to create the false biographies and histories required to get all these former Nazis into the country.

====

They made up new work histories that carefully placed them as far away as possible from the Nazi war machine and the death camps, and quietly went around destroying the evidence that showed that these people had been card-carrying members of the Nazi Party.

Once this was done, these new, ‘acceptable’ personal histories were ‘paper-clipped’ to their file – hence the name, ‘Operation Paperclip’ – and the US happily ushered in a whole wave of Nazi scientists, doctors and researchers into the country.

The public didn’t know about all this, of course. It was a ‘top secret deal’ figured out by the same people who would go on to create the totally corrupt CIA, FBI, NSA and who knows what else.

But in the meantime, Nazi scientists steeped in Nazi immorality and Nazi ideology began to take up a number of prominent posts throughout America’s universities, hospitals and military bases.

====

At the same time that ‘Operation Paperclip’ was happening to bring thousands of former Nazis over to the US, British intelligence was doing its best to keep up by organizing ‘Operation Matchbox’.

Operation Matchbox was done on a much smaller scale – dealing with hundreds, instead of thousands of former Nazi scientists – but the principles were the same.

Find the best brains behind Hitler’s research and war machine, ‘cleanse’ them of their unpleasant Nazi past, and reintroduce them to society as ‘good’ Germans who are now devoting all their abilities to helping the free world. Operation Matchbox shipped these Germans out to Australia, where it was much easier for these people to hide their past.

This information came to light in 1999, when the papers were first declassified. The following comes from The Guardian:

The German scientists sent to Australia under a top secret Anglo-American project codenamed Operation Matchbox included SS and Nazi party members. The leading Nazi-hunting watchdog, the Simon Wiesenthal Centre in Jerusalem, yesterday demanded an investigation into the recruitments ordered by Britain and the US, and said Australia was a haven for “holocaust perpetrators and mass murderers”.

====

Please remember that both Matchbox and Paperclip took place within four months of World War II ending.

Many Jews were still living in the camps at that time, because they had nowhere to go. Auschwitz was still standing. But the US and British governments – together with their British Commonwealth Cronies like Canada and Australia – made a policy decision that the knowledge these Nazi scientists had totally outweighed any moral scruples.

There are around 1600 Nazi scientists on record as being giving visas and jobs in the US after World War II. But there were far more, maybe even a few thousand more, who were allowed in by the back door, and who helped the CIA and NSA in a number of ‘top secret’ nefarious schemes over the last 70 years. I’ll introduce you to some of those things, possibly, in a future post.

In the book Project Paperclip by Clarence Lasby, the author explained that the spooks:

“covered their designs with such secrecy that it bedeviled their own President; at Potsdam he denied their activities and undoubtedly enhanced Russian suspicion and distrust.”

Even the President had no idea how many rabid former Nazis were flooding into the country.

For now, let’s a take a look at who some of these ‘known’ Nazi scientists actually were, how they came by their advanced knowledge, and what they went on to do with it, in the ‘free world’.

(Much of this information is coming from THIS article, with some additional research by yours truly.)

==

ARTHUR RUDOLPH

Role in Nazi Germany: Operations director of the Mittelwerk factory at the Dora-Nordhausen concentration camps, where 20,000 workers died from beatings, hangings, and starvation.

1945 military assessment of him: “100% Nazi, dangerous type, security threat..!! Suggest internment.”

JIOA’s ‘sanitized’ version says there is: “[N]othing in his records indicating that he was a war criminal or and ardent Nazi or otherwise objectionable.”

How he helped the USA: Designed the Saturn 5 rocket used in the Apollo moon landings.

==

WERNHER VON BRAUN

Role in Nazi Germany: Technical director of the Peenemunde rocket research center, which developed the V-2 rockets used in the Blitz on London. The V-2 rockets were built in a factory using slave labor from the Dora concentration camp, a sub-camp of Buchenwald. Von Braun knew this, as he visited regularly to oversee his rockets. This from Wikipedia:

Wernher von Braun visited the Nordhausen plant on 25 January 1944 and again on 6 May 1944,[5] when he met Walter DornbergerArthur Rudolph and Albin Sawatzki, discussing the need to enslave another 1,800 skilled French workers.

The prisoners were subject to extreme cruelty. As a result, they often suffered injuries, including permanent disability and disfigurement, and death. Severe beatings were routine, as was deliberate starvation, torture and summary executions.

1947 military assessment of him: “Subject is regarded as a potential security threat by the Military Governor.”

1948 JIOA assessment: “No derogatory information is available on the subject…It is the opinion of the Military Governor that he may not constitute a security threat to the United States.”

How he helped the USA :

Worked on guided missiles for the U.S. Army before becoming the Director of NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center. Walt Disney hired him as ‘celebrity expert’ in the 50s and 60s for their “World of Tomorrow” program.

==

KURT BLOME

Role in Nazi Germany: Director of the Nazi Biological Warfare Program. Tried at Nuremberg in 1947 on charges of practicing euthanasia and conducting experiments on humans. Strangely acquitted after intervention by the US, despite a previous admission of guilt and a mound of evidence against him.

JIOA File: Made no mention of him being tried at Nuremberg, or being the Director of the Nazi Biological Warfare Program.

How he helped the USA: In 1951, Blome was hired by the U.S. Army Chemical Corps to work on chemical warfare.

(Yes, you read that right: Nazi scientists who worked in concentration camps were hired by the US government to help them develop their chemical warfare programs.)

==

HUBERTUS STRUGHOLD

Role in Nazi Germany: Oversaw experiments on inmates at Dachau and Auschwitz, were inmates were placed in large barrels of water left outside in the harsh winter, and frozen to death, and / or killed by being used in experiments in low-pressure chambers.

How he helped the USA: Designed on-board life-support systems for NASA; came to be known as the “father of space medicine”.

From HERE:

During the war, Strughold was part of medical studies that used inmates from the Dachau concentration camp as guinea pigs for human experiments. Test subjects were subjected to surgeries without anesthetics, immersed in frozen water to examine the effects of hypothermia, and placed in air pressure chambers. After the war, investigators at the Nuremberg War Trials listed Strughold as one of thirteen “persons, firms, or individuals implicated” in the Dachau medical atrocities.

====

WALTER SCHREIBER

Role in Nazi Germany:  In 1991, Linda Hunt wrote a book called: Secret Agenda: The United States Government, Nazi Scientists, and Project Paperclip, 1945 to 1990, where she claimed that the Nuremberg Tribunal was told that:

“Schreiber had assigned doctors to experiment on concentration camp prisoners and had made funds available for such experimentation.”

Schreiber wasn’t convicted, as at that point he was being held by the Soviets.

JOIA File: Made no mention of the allegations made at Nuremberg.

How he helped the USA: Worked at the Air Force School of Medicine at Randolph Field in Texas until journalist Drew Pearson exposed him. JIOA then resettled him in Argentina, in 1952.

====

GENERAL REINHARD GEHLEN

Role in Nazi Germany: Hitler’s spymaster-in-chief, gathering information on Russa, aided and abetted by some of the worst Nazi SS of the war such as Emil Augsburg and Dr. Franz Six, who had been part of mobile killing squads. Much of the information in Gehlen’s hands came from war crimes including the torture, starvation and summary execution of up to 4 million Russian prisoners of war.

In March 1945, shortly before the end of the war, Gehlen and his staff microfilmed their stash of information in the USSR, and buried it in watertight steel drums in the Austrian Alps. Gehlen then used this information as a ‘bargaining chip’ with US General William Donovan and the CIA head, Allen Dulles.

How he worked with the US:

Dulles created a private intelligence facility in West Germany, called it the ‘Gehlen Organisation’, and then let Gehlen hire former Nazis and Gestapo to run it, including Augsburg, Six, Willi Krichbaum, the senior Gestapo leader for southeastern Europe, and also the former heads of the Gestapo in Paris and Kiel.

Gehlen Organisation was instrumental in setting up the Nazi ‘rat lines’ which helped over 5,000 Nazis escape justice by relocating to other places, especially the Central and South Americas. Two of the Nazis helped in this way included Adolf Eichmann, and Klaus Barbie, the ‘Butcher of Lyon’.

Gehlen Organisation did this by setting up transit camps and issuing fake passports – all with the blessing of Allen Dulles and the American CIA.

(Is anyone out there still trying to tell me that the USA is a ‘good’ country?)

====

ALL THIS IS DOCUMENTED FACT

None of this is speculation, it’s all documented fact – albeit heavily suppressed and ‘spun’ to try to put a good face on things. In the name of fighting the ‘Commies’, the US military and intelligence believed it was justified in helping Nazis who had committed some of the worst atrocities to escape justice – and in many thousands of cases, even gave them new identities and prestigious jobs working on ‘top secret’ projects in the US.

All of this Nazi knowledge came from the lowest place of spiritual impurity, or tumah.

As more and more ex-Nazis moved up the ranks in the scientific establishment, more and more of America’s cutting-edge science and medicine became infected with the Nazis’ total disregard for the sanctity of human life and any pretense of basic morality.

So much of our science, technology, knowledge and ‘intelligence’ was built on the back of knowledge gained from the most evil ideology in the world.

And it’s still ruling Western society, from the shadows, today.

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Blue and White’s Yoaz Handel complains in the Knesset that the police aren’t doing ‘enough’ about Rabbi Berland.

When I tell people that Rabbi Berland was deliberately framed by a bunch of secular-minded politicians, policemen and bureaucrats who are in cahoots with the US Reform movement to try to break the ‘strangle-hold’ of orthodox Judaism in Israel, they don’t believe me.

But how else, then, can we explain that Yoaz Handel, a Blue and White politician, got up in Knesset yesterday to complain that the authorities weren’t doing ‘enough’ about Rabbi Berland?

Never mind, ongoing issues down South on the Gaza border, ongoing issues with Iran and it’s nuke, ongoing issues with Hezbollah and Lebanon.

What is Yoaz Handel worrying about at night?

Rabbi Berland.

You can see the video of him making his comments in the Knesset below:

====

Curious person that I am, I decided to explore a little more about Yoaz Handel. Here’s what I learned.

  1. He’s a journalist with a regular column for the notorious, Charedi-hating website ynet.news.

In the past, he’s also worked for Channel 10, and had a talk show on Army Radio with Nitzan Horowitz, who Wikipedia describes as:

[T]he head of the Meretz party and the Democratic Union and is currently an MK. He previously was the chief U.S. correspondent and commentator for the Israeli News Company, known as Channel 2 News.

Lest we forget, Ynet has brought us many horrendous pieces of incitement against Chareidim, including this, by Yaron London, published shortly before Yesh Atid got into power 7 years ago and began its war of terror against the Torah world – including taking down as many ‘big’ rabbis as it could.

2. Until elected an MK in April, he was also heading up something sinisterly called the Institute for Zionist Strategies. The IZS was set up by one Israel Harel, who is currently writing columns for Haaretz. Here’s a flavor of what he writes:

The glue that unites the liberal religious majority groups and the Hardali minority is the battle for the Land of Israel. To succeed in this battle the majority wing, even if it had to grit its teeth, made peace with the suffocating walls of Haredization (increasingly stringent Orthodoxy).

Now, when the rabbis of the Union of Right-Wing Parties are changing the order of priorities and bringing halakhic prohibitions (based on religious law) to the top of the agenda, the majority wing is reaching the limits of its ability to be inclusive. The majority wing is disgusted by the battle against “perverts,” opposes the rabbinic prohibition against the enlistment of religious girls in the army and is infuriated by halakhic rulings forbidding women to participate in politics and public life.

====

You got that???

It’s the haredim, and all those pesky halachas, that are making the right-wing religious Zion unelectable.

The more I look into this, the more I see how many prominent members of the Anglo Modern Orthodox camp seems to be in the front lines of hating chareidim, in Israel, and obviously Rabbi Berland is at the top of their list.

Why is this? What is so threatening to them about the chareidi lifestyle that they are happy to join forces with groups and people who are clearly anti-Torah and pro-immorality in some horrible ways? I had the same question when I was writing about the Ortho-Fems a while back, and yes – the Ortho-Fems are in this mix as well.

Also working at the Institute for Zionist Studies is one Miri Shalem, resident of Bet Shemesh, and recipient of prizes from the New Israel Fund.

If you go here, you’ll find a PDF setting out how Miri Shalem is the New Israel Fund’s ‘go to’ person for when they want to tour around RBS, and get a close-up of all the ‘disgusting haredim’.

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I could go on (and on and on…) but hopefully, are you starting to see that the people who are continually harping on about Rabbi Berland being a ‘problem’ are the exact same Reform-backed journalists and politicians who went after the Torah world 7 years ago?

These people blatantly framed Rabbi Berland for crimes he never committed, and are now trying to use their lies as a reason for further suppressing the Torah world.

Can you see this?

And can you also see that so many of the leading lights in the modern orthodox world – in particular the Ortho Fems – are really just a Trojan horse being used by organisations like the New Israel Fund and Reform to attack the Torah world in Israel?

For example, this Ortho Fem is currently suing Ikea in Israel – together with the Reform movement. According to Haaretz:

The case was filed by Hannah Katsman, a modern Orthodox woman from the central Israeli town of Petah Tikva, and the Israel Religious Action Center — the advocacy arm of the Reform movement in the country.

After discovering the catalog in her mailbox, Katsman alerted the center, a leading advocate in the battle against gender discrimination on religious grounds.

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Ooooh, what a brave fighter for womens’ rights!!!

I went on to this woman’s website a couple of months ago to see if she’d written anything about Jeffery Epstein trafficking and assaulting countless underage women, or about his associate Les Wexner, a big Reform philanthropist funding a whole bunch of ‘interesting’ projects in Israel, and head of the Victoria’s Secret empire which has made a fortune from totally degrading women.

Nothing. Nada. Not a dickie bird.

These Ortho Fems hate chareidim and orthodox Judaism, and are simply using ‘feminism’ as a stick to beat the chareidi community with. If they really cared about women’s human rights, they’d have been writing reams and reams about Epstein and Wexner.

But people like Wexner pay for all their little organisations, and all their little class action suits against the orthodox world in Israel, so none of these brave Ortho Fems are about to rock that particular boat.

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People, there is a war going on for the Jewish soul right now!

On one side, there are a sordid bunch of journalists, academics, businessmen, bureaucrats and politicians who basically represent less than 5% of Israel society, but who have been pulling all the strings here since the days of the Labour Zionists.

They own the banks, they control the economy, they run the IDF and they have the State of Israel all sewn up in their back pocket as a personal fiefdom.

On the other side, there are sincere Jews of all stripes, many of whom are observant Jews, and heading up that force for good is Rabbi Berland.

If you believed all the fake news about him in the press, and bought into the farce of a court case, just make teshuva now, and open your eyes to what is really going on in this country.

Because very soon now, the curtain is going to finally fall, and the truth will shine out for everyone to see. And you owe it to yourself to be on the right side of that equation.

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For the last 20-something years, my arguments with my husband have progressed along the same, well-worn path.

I state something that to his ears sounds fantastic, unbelievable, incredible, and sooner or later, he tries to close the argument down with the statement: ‘that’s not logical.’

Who knew, that I’d married Mr Spock?

A lot of his ‘logical’ tendencies have been useful to me, because he’s forced me time and time again to find the ‘logical’ process underpinning what I’m grasping intuitively. Man, the arguments we’ve had, about everything from erev rav, to personality disorders, to how the human body really works, all the way up to how ‘emuna’ is meant to fit into the logical picture.

He’s forced me to pin things down logically again and again, and that’s mostly been very helpful.

But this week, when we were having another one of our ‘discussions’ about whether it’s really possible for Disney to be working with the CIA to put ‘mind control’ cues in its movies, and he delivered his that’s not logical statement again, I suddenly realized something massive:

Why is ‘logic’ the final arbiter of what’s right or wrong, here?

Because what is ‘logic’, ultimately? It’s whatever process or thought or argument you can cram into a human brain. It’s totally limited to human perception and understanding, and as we know, even the most intelligent humans only have a very small part of the picture. There is a time and place for ‘logic’ (more on that in a moment).

Human logic makes no space for God, and because it can’t tease out the ‘process’ behind miracles and other supernatural phenomena, it deals with them by pretending they don’t exist.

To put this in other words, the more a person believes that ‘logic’ is the final arbiter of right and wrong, truth and lie, the less likely it is for that person to have anything even approaching real emuna, or real emunat tzaddikim.

I know that’s a big statement, but I’m going to back it up.

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First, let’s take a look at what logic actually is, and where it comes from. This is from Wikipedia:

Logic (from the Ancient Greekλογικήromanized: logikḗ[1]) is the systematic study of the form of valid inference, and the most general laws of truth.[2] A valid inference is one where there is a specific relation of logical support between the assumptions of the inference and its conclusion. In ordinary discourse, inferences may be signified by words such as therefore, thus, hence, ergo, and so on.

There is no universal agreement as to the exact scope and subject matter of logic (see § Rival conceptions, below), but it has traditionally included the classification of arguments, the systematic exposition of the ‘logical form’ common to all valid arguments, the study of proof and inference, including paradoxes and fallacies, and the study of syntax and semantics.

Historically, logic has been studied in philosophy (since ancient times) and mathematics (since the mid-19th century), and recently logic has been studied in cognitive science (encompasses computer sciencelinguisticsphilosophy and psychology).

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In other words, logic is a form of Greek-inspired philosophy.

So, whenever someone makes the ‘logic’ of a supposition the acid test of whether it’s ‘true’ or not, they are effectively operating out of a system of Greek heresy, instead of Jewish belief.

Let’s give some concrete examples.

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There’s an idea in Judaism that if your finances are hitting the skids, you should make an effort to go and give even more money to charity. That way, you’ll sweeten whatever spiritual judgments are keeping you poor and constricted.

Now, does this sound logical?

At this point in time when you’re finding it hard to even scrape together the money for the rent, you’re meant to go and give even more money to charity?!?!

It’s totally illogical.

And yet, it works. I’ve lost count of the number of times that immediately after we paid a big whack of charity we couldn’t really afford, or a big pidyon that squeezed us financially, how much new business flowed in through my husband’s doors, afterwards.

Essentially, there is very little ‘logic’ behind any of the mitzvoth we keep, whether it’s avoiding shatnez, eating kosher, keeping Shabbat, paying 10% of our income to charity. Sure, Jews with a more philosophical bent have tried to make Judaism jive more with Greek philosophy by trying to assign reasons to mitzvoth that make sense to human logic.

But ultimately?

All the mitzvoth we keep boils down to emuna, to faith, to the idea that we can’t understand everything, however big our brains are.

Behind all this talk of ‘logic’ there is so much arrogance, so much ga’avah.

It takes some real humility to admit that we still know so very little about what’s really going on, and that our ability to grasp what’s really going on in the world is actually incredibly limited.

So, when people start boasting about how ‘logical’ they are, and how they think ‘logically’, what they’re really saying is:

“I have very little emuna, and I’m incredibly arrogant.”

Now that we all know that, hopefully more of us will start to challenge ‘logic’s’ stranglehold on our public discourse.

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All that said, logic and human reasoning still has a place in our lives.

God runs the world according to His spiritual rules, and we have to follow those rules to the best of our ability. If God has built the world in such a way eating fast-food usually makes us ill, and treating people badly usually makes us social lepers, and running in front of speeding cars on the highway usually makes us dead – we have to respect those rules.

Go right ahead, and make a logical calculation about whether you should dash across the road in front of that articulated lorry – but remember that all these logical ‘rules’ aren’t presenting the full picture of how God is actually running the world.

Illogical, miraculous and supernatural things are occurring to every single one of us, all the time.

Why?

Because God is running the world, and God is operating things at a level far, far beyond the boundaries of human logic.

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So, to sum up.

From this moment forth, just telling me something is ‘not logical’ doesn’t automatically win the argument, or close down the discussion. Heretical Greeks made human ‘logic’ the arbiter of truth, and to put it bluntly, they can get stuffed.

A multitude of sins hides behind ‘logic’, including heresy, denial of God’s omnipresent role in the world, arrogance, narrow-mindedness, argumentation for its own sake, victory-seeking, and trying to make other people appear ‘small’ or ‘stupid’.

Logic is a false god, that’s keeping so many Jews away from really developing a genuine relationship with Hashem.

Once we start acknowledging that, and once more of us start relating to a logical frame of mind as some sort of severe spiritual disability, instead of lauding and praising it, that’s when we’ll jump a whole bunch nearer to the world actually getting fixed, and redemption really happening.

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UPDATE: Thanks to Yosef for the link to this clip, which makes the point very nicely!

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Photo by Macu ic on Unsplash

A few weeks’ ago, I got an invitation to come see a private screening of a film called Talking to God.

I haven’t been to a movie for somewhere around 12 years…. so of course I said ‘yes’. Hey, I get to do something Rabbenu related and still get to watch a film with no guilt or teshuva required? Are you kidding?!

So, I settled into for the 90 or so minutes expecting to see something cute, with its heart in the right place, around the AmDram level – and boy o boy, was I surprised. Talking to God had superb casting, a real plot, and was a real film, in every sense of the word.

The story revolves around a woman from New York, Rebecca, who is having troubles sleeping and can’t figure out what she’s supposed to be doing in life. Long story short, she gets to Uman, and Rebbe Nachman starts showing her some profound insights via one of his Tales, that end up turning her whole life around.

But what was truly amazing to me is that the film didn’t feel like a mussar lesson in the least, and actually had a lot of laugh-out-loud moments.

Between you and me, I’m at that stage of life where I can’t take any more of the ‘fake piety’ stuff anymore, where angels start strumming their harps as another saintly figure takes the stage to lecture everyone else on how to act.

AAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

But this film had a strong enough story that the moral of the story kind of slipped in unnoticed – like it does with all the best movies.

I was thinking about it for a good few days afterwards, which is when I decided to get in touch with the movie’s director and producer, Maya Batash, to find out how it came to be made.

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We met for a coffee at Cinema City (man, I can’t stand that place…) and Maya explained the genesis of Talking to God.

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The story begins back in 2010, when Rav Arush’s Garden of Emuna was just starting to take the English-speaking world by storm. A few years’ beforehand, Maya had shifted from her job as a successful neurologist to start to develop her long-forgotten creative side.

She’d gone back to school to study painting, and then decided she wanted to learn how to make indie films. In 2010, she’d just released ‘Out of the Fog’, a film with a theme of emotional healing, and was looking forward to working on a new comedy.

Instead, after a year of reading the Garden of Emuna, Maya found herself taking a trip to Uman, and then the whole plan changed.

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“I went to Uman despite my lack of any initial desire to be there’” she recalls.

“A friend invited me on a group trip and despite my hesitation, somehow I ended up there just a few months later”.  That trip led to three months of what Maya politely calls ‘spiritual surgery’, as the answer to that question, and others, started to swim into view. It wasn’t an easy experience, but perhaps strangely when another trip to Uman was announced the following year, in 2011, Maya explains; “I ran to go on it. And while I was in Uman the second time, I got the idea that I should make a film. Initially, I thought it should be some sort of documentary about people in Uman, and all their miraculous stories.”

Maya started taping videos of big Breslov rabbis like Rav Arush, and Rav Brody, to use in the documentary, like this clip below:

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Maya also returned to Uman for a third time, this time with a camera, and a plan to interview some of the people there about their experiences of being by Rabbenu. “I wanted to interview ‘big’ people, the people who other people listen to, because I was finding it hard to get regular women to agree to talk to me,” she says.

But at some point, that plan fell by the wayside. “I didn’t have enough footage for a full documentary, and then I remembered I hate documentaries,” says Maya. But what she loved, was some of the stories that Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach used to tell from the Baal Shem Tov, and from Rebbe Nachman. And in particular, the story of ‘The Fixer’.

Slowly, Maya realized that while she didn’t want to make a documentary about emuna, she really did want to tell some of Rebbe Nachman’s stories.

The screenplay was written in Jerusalem’s cafes in 2012, and then Maya spent the next few years trying to raise the money required to start filming.

“This film had 30 actors, and a massive crew,” she says. “It was a huge undertaking, and I really needed some help to make it happen.”

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Help came in the form of a producer called Kim Jackson who brought on another producer named Jonathan Federico, and then Talking to God really started to come together. A week before filming was due to begin, Maya finally found the right actor for the starring role of the Fixer, called Zebedee Row  In the fall of 2014, Uman was transplanted to Staten Island, the film was shot, and Maya got on with the lengthy process of post-production and film editing.

And that’s when a few more miniot bobbed up to slow things down. Maya mother passed away in 2015, and Maya was also still trying to raise the funds required to get the film’s original music score written, and to complete the post-production.

“It took a lot of praying, a lot of hitbodedut, and a lot of trips to Uman,” she says. And now, Maya is trying to find a distributor who will get the films into theatres around the world. “I could release it online, but I really want it to be taken seriously. This film is for anyone who is looking for growth, healing, or meaning in their lives. There is a huge audience here, and the film needs the right distributor to be able to tap into it.”

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In the meantime, Maya is submitting Talking to God to film festivals, and is continuing to pray that the right someone, somewhere, will notice it, and help to get it out there to a wider audience.

So, eight years after she first began the project, Talking to God is finally poised to go mainstream.

“What did making this movie teach you?” I asked her, over a cup of something hot at Cinema City.

“I’ve learned to talk to God daily which allows me to let go of whatever’s bothering me, whether it’s fear, anger, pain etc and give it over to the Source,” says Maya. “I’ve learned the importance of doing everything in my power to make myself happy.  And how dancing and singing regularly can miraculously bring a person to real joy. Happiness is a choice,” she says.

What I can tell you is that watching the ‘private screening for feedback’ of Talking to God made me very happy. And I have a feeling that the film might have that effect on a few million other people, too.

To learn more, visit: www.talkingtoGodmovie.com

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Israel has also been afflicted by ‘Deep State’ problems since its inception.

One of my writer friends is thinking about doing a book about the Yemenite Children (brave lady!) after she met a taxi driver here whose sister went missing in the 1950s.

After umming and ahhing, I decided to send her over to take a look at some of the information gathered on the subject by the late Barry Chamish, who was routinely ridiculed as a crazy conspiracy theorist, but who was probably right about at least 80% of what he was telling us.

Each month that passes brings us more evidence that Israel’s ‘Deep State’ is just as morally rotten, murderous and obsessed with controlling us all as America’s and the UK’s.

It’s all about the spooks, the spies, the shedim who have been pulling the strings behind the scenes for decade upon decade, without the public having any idea of what’s really going on, or why the world is in such a bad state.

Rebbe Nachman described all this in detail, as you can read about in this post:

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In the meantime, here’s some links that I sent to my friend, that you might also find interesting, although admittedly pretty disturbing. This one is Barry’s take on what really happened to the Yemenite children:

https://www.conspiracyarchive.com/Commentary/Yemenite.htm

And this documentary was aired on mainstream Israeli TV a decade ago – then promptly buried by the establishment. It describes how Shimon Peres basically struck a deal with America’s Deep State to ‘sell’ 100,000 Sephardi children to the US military for dangerous radiation experiments. They told the kids and their families they were being zapped by massive doses of x-rays as part of a treatment for ringworm – but it was all lies.

As we get closer to Moshiach being revealed, all the lies will be revealed – and shocking as all this stuff is, it’s still just the tip of the iceberg.

Channel 13 – where’s your expose about Shimon Peres and all his murderous cronies?

I guess we’ll still have to wait a while, for that story to be told.

 

Since Rosh Hashana, I’ve just been feeling like I’m bouncing along the bottom, spiritually.

And there really isn’t much I can do about that, except not give up and let go.

Sukkot continued the theme of me hoping I could attain a spiritual level – even a basic one! – that sadly seems so far out of reach at the moment. True, me and the kids made our own decorations for the Sukkah this year, which was great. True, also, that I managed to roast some beef in a way that was edible, which was an open miracle.

Ten years ago, I tried to cook what I thought was beef for my brother when he came to visit from the UK, and because I had no idea what cut of meat I’d actually bought, it came out the chewiest meat I’d ever had to eat.

Because he’s British and kind of polite, my brother forced himself to eat it, but to this day, he likes to remind me of the ‘donkey stew’ that I dished up to him that night.

So getting a cut of beef to come out edible is quite an achievement for me.

But otherwise, I really can’t boast about my Sukkot.

True, I spent a lot of time sitting there by myself obsessively researching my husband’s family tree from Lithuania, but I can’t say I did more than that.

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Shabbat rolled around, and with it the strange mood I’d been in all week deepened and broadened out.

Does no-one else in this house know where the supermarket is? I wondered to myself, as I schlepped for the millionth time to replenish the cupboard and fridge.

Does no-one else know how to wash up? Does no-one else know how to cook?

In fairness, my kids weren’t around. One had descended to Egypt for the chag, and spent Sukkot in Sinai. Great.

The other was just at her friends all the holiday, including one night she spent in a 5 storey mansion in Rishon LeZion that had its own sauna, pool room, and was basically decked-out like a boutique hotel. The owners were mishpacha of one of my daughter’s friends, so she went to see how the other half live, as the owner had gone to Italy for Sukkot.

How festive of everyone. How very Sukkot-y of everyone.

The husband was out of action, still hobbling around on an ankle that has refused to heal for nearly three months, until we paid a pidyon over to Rav Berland shortly before Sukkot, and now things are looking up, Baruch Hashem.

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So Shabbat rolled around, and after yet another round of shopping and cooking for the ‘guests’ that call themselves my kids, I was in a bad mood.

The bad mood was compounded by all these Litvak ancestors who totally goyed out 100 years ago and stopped keeping anything.

One had even baptized the children he had with his non-Jewish wife, after naming them ‘Blumer’ and ‘Wolfe’. The mind boggles.

So, I was sitting there thinking that I’m not doing so well on the ‘upstanding spiritual Jewish household front’ at the moment, and long story short, that quickly snowballed into our annual massive fight in front of all the neighbors.

This has happened so many years in a row since we’ve been in Jerusalem, I think it’s some sort of institution now. Just as everyone else was finishing up their zemirot and bentching, the Levy Sukkot started up with World War III, arguing about things like free choice, and whether God (and parents….) still loves Jews that go completely off the derech.

God does, but I’m not God!!!

I told my kid that , and I could see she was shocked, but it’s the truth.

Or to be more accurate, I will continue to love my kids whatever, but I want to actually have kids I can relate to, and that I don’t have to walk on eggshells around because they’ve taken a path of confusion and now just talk pointless rubbish all the time (at best…).

I’m not God. I can’t pretend you can do whatever you want and that’s totally cool with me.

I thought some more, and then I added:

And I’m not sure God thinks that Jews can do whatever they want, too, even if they are still teenagers.

This was apparently shocking news.

Since then, we’ve made up again, baruch Hashem, but there went our neighborhood reputation…

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On Simchat Torah, I woke up with a cold, which got me out of going to shul for hakafot which was great, because I didn’t have a shul to go to, anyway. I danced a bit with the chumash in my own house, and started to feel like I don’t really belong in Baka, again.

The feeling was compounded when we went out for supper, and one of the other guests started slagging off the Rav.

I literally got all shaky, hearing this guy opine on things he really knows nothing about that equate to a one way ticket to gehinnom, and my husband started yelling at him.

The conversation then devolved into an argument about whether the Gemara is really ‘Torah’ (!) and then at that point, the yelling between my husband and this guy got so loud the man’s wife intervened and placed him under a gag order.

We spent the next hour making polite small talk about banal things that no-one could take offence at, and I thought to myself: What a waste of life! What a waste of time! And I felt kinda sad.

Next day, we got invited out again by neighbors of ours who I really like, but who have been surfing negative Youtube videos about the Rav. I gave them One in a Generation to try to put the other side –they read ¼ of it, and gave it back, still preferring the Youtube version of events.

What can I do?

Where can I go?

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The anglo, gashmius part of me quite enjoys Baka, with its leafy greenery, and ordered neighborhoods. But my soul is starting to wither here.

Once chag was out, we headed out to our old hood, to go hang out by Rav Berland’s ginormous Sukkah in the Meah Shearim bit of Musrara. There was trash everywhere. There were kids everywhere. There were people everywhere. I sat on a bench with my husband, and my soul lit up as my nose wrinkled.

You know, it takes a lot of effort to get trash into every corner of the streets, like that. They are actually putting some effort into doing this right…

As we stood by the bank on the corner of Meah Shearim, looking at home and simultaneously looking out of place, a group of chareidi men in a rush speed-walked past, accompanying some distinguished Rov. I have no idea who he was, just that people kept running over to kiss his hand.

I miss this madness, I told my husband. I miss this kedusha.

But I don’t miss the trash.

So not for the first time, I found myself caught between two worlds, two lifestyles, two neighborhoods. Clean, sociable and heretical in Baka, or filthy, isolated and holy in Musrara.

For the last year and a half, the body has been winning out.

But I think in 5780, the soul is starting to tip the balance again.

Now, I just need to find 3.5 million shekels from somewhere, to move back…

TBC

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