Some mornings, I wake up with strange ideas in my head.

[Scroll down for some important updates and links].

It’s not uncommon when I’m trying to figure things out that my head gets so stuffed full of information, I start dreaming about it.

That’s probably not so weird, but what’s more peculiar is that often, I get some tip-offs in my dreams that can sometimes lead to some interesting breakthroughs. I don’t know if that happened this morning (we’ll all have to wait and see where all this goes).

But I can tell you that  today, I woke up with the peculiar notion that Jacob Frank is the son of Yehuda Leib Ashkenazi, who in turn was the son of the ‘Chacham Tzvi’ Ashkenazi, who was also the father of Jacob Emden.

I know, that sounds like outrageous nonsense, doesn’t it?

But this tale has had so many twists and turns in it, I’m at the stage where I’m assuming nothing we’ve been told is ‘the truth’, and that everything needs to be re-examined with an open mind.

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So, let’s start with a blank sheet of paper, and jot down some of the things that just don’t make sense about the whole ‘Jacob Frank’ story we’ve all been told.

(BTW, part of the reason I’m writing this post as I go along, instead of giving it to you as a fait accompli is because I want to encourage you, dear reader, to start exploring things more for yourself, and to start making your own connections.

So this is kind of a ‘show and tell’ post, where you’ll hopefully see how one thing leads on to the next, and be inspired to start doing something similar yourself, to whatever piece of [mis]information you’re working with. I have no idea where it’s going, and we may not get a ‘breakthrough’ by the end, just so you know.)

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According to the ‘official version‘, here’s what we know about Jacob Frank’s ancestry from Wikipedia:

Jacob Frank is believed to have been born as Jakub Lejbowicz to a Polish-Jewish family in Korołówka, in Podolia of Eastern Poland (now in Ukraine), in about 1726. The Polish historian Gaudenty Pikulski affirmed that Frank was born in Buchach and Agnon even showed the house where he was born was located on Korołówka street in Buchach. His father was a Sabbatean, and moved to Czernowitz, in the Carpathian region of Bukovina in 1730, where the Sabbatean influence at the time was strong.

As a travelling merchant in textile and precious stones he often visited Ottoman territories, where he earned the nickname “Frank“, a name generally given in the East to Europeans, and lived in the centers of contemporary Sabbateanism, Salonica and Smyrna.

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Straight out the gate, I’m sitting here wondering how it is that the famous Israeli writer Shai Agnon can pinpoint Jacob Frank’s house in Buchach – but no-one can tell us who his mum and dad really were.

Here’s something else I’ve realised: the surname ‘Frank’ is a cover-up for Jacob Frank’s real surname.

Why do that?

Because the real Jacob Frank was not just some low-class ‘travelling merchant’, he was part of the Jewish elite, and came from a ‘rabbinical’ family with an illustrious pedigree.

Of that, I’m certain.

I just don’t know which family that actually was.

Yet.

Let’s continue to search for some clues.

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When I start searching for ‘Jacob Frank’ on geni, I get two profiles back:

THIS ONE, which has been put up by people descended from Frankists, and where we learn this about him:


The Zoharist Tzadik or Rebbe.

His followers were later called Frankists. 60,000 of his followers became baptised Catholics beginning in 1760. Many others remained unbaptised in the Jewish communities. His two wives have been merged into one by many writers.

His two wives were cousins called Gracia (Chana) and Josefa (Chaya). In his writings he alludes to his seven daughters. However his youngest daughter Eva Frank and her followers destroyed any records of her half-sisters who were opposed to the direction that Eva was leading the Frankist movement.

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And then THIS ONE about a ‘Rabbi Jacob Franks’ who was one of the earliest colonizers of the nascent US of A – and whose family tree has the infamous Keith Lawrence Hanit all over it.

Yes, I just fell down another rabbit hole again.

Let’s park him, for now, but I’ll definitely return to ‘Rabbi Jacob Franks’ of America, as I have a hunch that he and his family tree is hiding another very pertinent part of real Jewish history.

Let’s get back to the other Jacob Frank, (1726 – 1791), you know, the false messiah one.

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If you recall, we already figured out that Josefa (Chaya) Frank, his first wife and mother of his first six daughters, was the child of the ‘bad’ Baal Shem of London, Samuel Hayyim Falk (1710-1782).

Falk moves to London, from Podolia, when Jacob Frank is 10 years old:

Sometime after 1736, Falk arrived in London. He lived at 35 Prescott Street, London, United Kingdom and at Wellclose Square, London until his death.

That timing is crucial, because even though the Jews of that period married young, they didn’t marry before their bar of batmitzvah.

So somehow or other, a shidduch is made between Josefa Chaya Falk, in London, and Jacob Frank.

Who else was hanging out in London, at that time?

Well, that’s a very interesting question.

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The Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi of London at that time was someone who had many names, depending on where he lived.

He was known as:

Rabbi Hirschel Ben Arye Löb Levin;

Rabbi Hart Lyon (how he was known to his London congregants);

Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Berlin; and also,

Hirshll Lobell

(Can you see why trying to keep everyone straight starts to get pretty challenging, pretty fast?)

Here’s a little bit about him from Wiki:

Rabbi Hirschel Ben Arye Löb Levin (also known as Hart Lyon and Hirshel Löbel; 1721 – 26 August 1800) was Chief Rabbi of Great Britain and of Berlin, and Rabbi of Halberstadt and Mannheim, known as a scholarly Talmudist.

His father is R’ Arye Leib Lowenstaam (1690 – 1755), who comes from a long lines of ‘illustrious rabbis’, and his mother is Miriam, the daughter of the Chacham Tzvi, and sister of Jacob Emden.

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There’s a few things here that are tripping off the ‘something’s fishy’ switch.

  1. The Wikipedia entry for Arye Leib is being disputed as ‘unfactual’ (always a good indication that it’s actually got a lot of truth in it.)
  2. There’s a lot of strange inconsistencies about the life and career of Arye Leib. Here’s a few of them:
    1. He’s deposed from the rabbinate in Tarnopol by his own community in 1718 or 1720.
    2. He holds pulpits in Glogau, Lvov AND the Chief Rabbinate of Amsterdam, (all very big posts) apparently simultaneously.
    3. He lacks the skills to be a successful preacher (as his own brother-in-law, Jacob Emden, states) – yet he’s apparently offered one plum rabbinate job after another, including the Rabbinate of Prague, which he apparently turns down:

“His first approbation as Chief Rabbi of Amsterdam dates from June 1741, on the book Kehilat Shelomo al sefer Ein Yakov, written by Shelomo Yekutiel Zalman ben Yechiel Ichel Glogau, published in Amsterdam. Aryeh signs as residing from Glogau, supervising the congregation in Lviv and ready to serve in Amsterdam, where he was appointed but apparently did not yet dwell.”

3. He’s related to ‘Eliyahu the Baal Shem of Chelm’ (the ancestor of the Chacham Tzvi), who is also famous for his ‘practical kabbalah’ and making a golem…(Click on the link – there’s a lot of weird stuff going on around ‘Eliyahu the Baal Shem of Chelm’ – and there’s that name again.)

4. Arye Leib is apparently the rabbi in Glogau at the same time as one R’ Jacob Jokel Horowitz of Galuna.

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That last name is really interesting.

I’ve been dreaming a lot about it, over the last week, and it’s connected to this, that I wrote over on the ravberland.com site, last year:

1) The Rav keeps talking about a ‘Rabbi Yaakov of Galuna’.

The Rav’s ‘Yaakov of Galuna’ is somehow equivalent to the Baal Shem Tov, who ‘finds the money’ on Erev Pesach and then goes off to bring his servant Rothschild back from exile, and to bring him back under his control. In the Rav’s story, this ‘Rothschild’ refuses.

I’ve been researching this to the best of my ability, and I can’t find any hint of a real ‘Yaakov of Galuna’, or Galina, or Galona. I have the feeling that the Rav is using his conversations about this ‘hidden tzaddik’ Reb Yaakov, who perhaps never existed, as one of the ways of sweetening the way all those morally corrupt billionaires are controlling everything from behind the scenes.

UPDATE: J., a reader, sent me this (thanks, J.!):

The Rav who blessed Reb Amschil zatsal is Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Halevi Horowitz zatsal (father of Rabbi Pinchas Horowitz zatsal)

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It’s amazing, how all this stuff starts to come together.

‘Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Halevi Horowitz’ – the rav who apparently ‘blessed’ the Rothschilds with wealth – appears to be our very own Rabbi Hirschel Ben Arye Löb Levin / Rabbi Hart Lyon / Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Berlin / Hirshll Lobell.

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There’s clearly many more mysteries here – and I can tell you now, that I’m not going to be able to clear them up in this post.

But here’s a few more pieces of pertinent information, that I haven’t yet managed to fit in to this whole hot mess, and that I think are connected, some how.

Maybe, someone out there will have a ‘brainwave’ or dream, or get some inspiration to help move this process of clarification along, who knows?

But here are some more things to consider:

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1. I found at least one ‘older’ source that stated that Jacob Frank was born to one ‘Hirshll Lobell’ and his wife, Rachel, in Rzeszów.

That’s’ where Tzvi Hirsh Levin Ashkenazi (aka ‘Hirshll Lobell’) was also born. According to the dates given for the births of Jacob Frank and Tzvi Hirsh, however, they would have to be brothers, which would make Jacob Frank the son of ‘Arye Leib’.

Remember that ‘Leibowicz’ just means ‘son of Leib’.

Or, alternatively, the birthdates were ‘adjusted’ – even just by a handful of years – to obscure the father-child link.

Or, alternatively (and really ‘out there’ as a suggestion) – Jacob Frank and Tzvi Hirsh Levin Ashkenazi are actually the same person.

I know that’s far out, but these people excelled at living double lives – ‘big rabbi’ and ‘big merchant’, ‘big rabbi’ and ‘court factor’, ‘big rabbi’ and ‘merchant banker’, ‘orthodox Jew’ and ‘orthodox xtian’, ‘big Sabbatian’ and ‘big critic of Shabtai Tzvi’ – all in the same package.

They changed names more often than you and I change socks, and that happened even more so, when they were travelling between different countries and continents.

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2. There’s a weird shtreimel thing going on.

I know, you’ll say that ‘everyone in those days in Poland wore a shtriemel’ – but I just don’t see that, in the portraits of other rabbis from that time.

But take a look at this image of ‘Hirschel Levin’ from the Jewish Encyclopaedia, contrasted with apparently the only extant picture available of Jacob Frank:

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Frank’s followers carried around miniature portraits of both him and his daughter, Eva.

Many people still have portraits of him in their homes or possessions as ‘family heirlooms’ – both Catholics and Jews.

I find it incredible that this pencil sketch, taken from the side so you can’t really make out Frank’s features, is all that remains in the public domain.

Even so – do you think there is a resemblance here?

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One more thing:

If you go to the Wikipedia sites in German and Polish about Jacob Frank – and Google translate them – you’ll find way more information that’s been hidden away on the English site.

Like for example, clear references to Frank’s father being a rabbi, and lots more missing bits of the story that start to fill out a few more details – but still elusively.

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I’ll stop there for now.

I have plenty more things to start pinning down, and maybe someone else out there will have some ideas about who Jacob Frank really was.

The reason all this is so important, is because those ‘Frankists / Sabbateans / Crypto Jews’ are still running the show today, and very often, it’s their descendants who are in the driving seat of so many of the Jewish community’s institutions and organisations, both in the diaspora and in Israel, and on both the ‘secular’ and ‘religious’ side of things.

So, if we can pin down who they were then, it’ll start to get way easier to figure out who they are now.

And how they all connect to each other – and to all this ‘Covid 1984 / Great Reset / New World Order’ stuff we are all currently suffering through.

TBC

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UPDATE:

One of my readers has emailed me a bunch of interesting links, that you may or may not have come across already, which also starts to fill in the picture that most of us don’t want to look at, in terms of Sabbateans / Frankists, and how much they’ve taken over the Jewish world from the top.

I’m just going to cut and paste them here, and then feel free to look at them, or not:

This first one carries on part of the discussion from the video of the former Dutch financier, Ronald Bernard, which is connected to the current financial system that is trying to move us all over to the ‘Great Reset’ via Covid 1984:

Again, I continue to be very moved by the testimony of elite Dutch banker, Ronald Bernard and his insider perspective about the handful of Satanists, who manage to control much of the world through finance, confirming the speculations of many outside investigators over the years.

This post, today intends to take Bernard’s testimony a few steps further.

I had never heard the word “Sabbatean” until last Fall, when I was editing a foundational booklet,
“The Right to Issue” about the Central Banking System, written by William Calder. He’d told me that he’d personally met a few of the top members of the “Committee” who control the Bank of International Settlements in Basel, Switzerland, considered to be the Central Bank of Central Banks.
Calder said that ALL members at the top of the hierarchical structure of the Committee were Sabbateans and that they were very preoccupied with their bloodlines. These individuals were not free to marry without the approval of the entire Committee. 
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Continue reading that, at the link below:

https://myemail.constantcontact.com/Rabbi-Marvin-Antelman-on-the-Sabbatean-Frankists.html?soid=1108369064136&aid=xVEKKGFftNE

I just want to stress here that you should keep your scepticism screwed up to maximum level with all this, because while there are Frankist pseudo-Jews at the highest level of this mess, there are also ‘Frankist pseudo-Catholics’ leading the charge here.

There is a lot more to this story than has yet been covered, even by the likes of R’ Marvin Antelman and Barry Chamish.

And it goes way beyond Jacob Frank or Shabtai Tzvi.

This fight between good and evil has been continuing since the creation of the world.

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I also don’t take responsibility for anything that I myself haven’t carefully checked into, and verified, especially when it comes to claims about other Jews, and other Jewish groups.

We have to be careful, and to protect ourselves and our families from the bad people out there, but that still doesn’t give us carte blanche to believe that everything we read and learn about other Jews is definitely true.

It’s a tightrope – a very difficult tightrope – and BH, God will help us to walk it very carefully, as we carry on this birur process.

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The ‘William Calder’ referenced above is writing a great deal about the privately owned FED in the US, and the privately-owned ‘central banking’ system across the world, pace:

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The modern economy, and particularly the whole issue of ‘money’ is a huge part of this story, and we’ll come back to it again, BH.

(In a nutshell, money is not coming with us into the world of Moshiach, so spend it on mitzvot, buy that guitar, give a load of it away to charity now, while you still can get the merit for doing that.)

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Other links to look at:

This article is where R’ Antelman was summoned to Bet Din in Boston, for suggesting that Yonatan Eibshutz was a Sabbatean in a Hebrew book he wrote called Bechor Satan:

Ultimately, he defended his case.

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And here is where you can download the two volumes of R Antelman’s book about the Sabbatean / Frankist takeover of Judaism, (which I haven’t yet read, but plan to soon.)

http://infinity.wecabrio.com/B07FTGZ453-to-eliminate-the-opiate-vol-1-english-edition.pdf

TRY THIS LINK INSTEAD – COULDN’T GET THE OTHER ONE TO WORK:

https://rmstock.files.wordpress.com/2019/07/antelman_to_eliminate_the_opiate_vol2.pdf

– Volume 2.

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And lastly, there’s also a very interesting discussion going on over on the Israel Truth Times website, HERE:

There appears to be a Sabbatean / Frankist Jew heading up the Pfizer corporation, who is good friends with our very own Netanyahu.

You’ll recall that Pfizer is currently flooding Israel with it’s Covid ‘vaccine’, and around 800,000 poor people in this country have already had it.

That’s why I’m trying to get to the bottom of this, and to figure out who is really connected to who, and what motivations these people have for doing what they are doing.

There are very big things at stake here.

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UPDATE 2:

And here is where you can download the PDF copy of Ben Hecht’s book Perfidy, which details how the proto-State of Israel mamash collaborated with Hitler’s regime, particular in relation to preventing the Jews left in Hungary from making it to Israel, and being saved from the gas chambers:

http://aaargh.vho.org/fran/livres6/perfidy.pdf

So much of this has been hiding in plain view for almost a century.

We just didn’t want to believe it.

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You might also like this article:

 

My friend just sent me this.

More and more doctors are starting to speak out about all the lies being told about COVID-1984.

Quickly go and listen to this, before it gets taken down again.

Facebook already took it down.

Youtube has already taken it down.

But you can still see / listen to it on Instagram (it’s not shmirat eynayim friendly).

https://5townscentral.com/2020/07/27/american-doctors-address-covid-19-misinformation/

BH, things are being sweetened….

But here in Israel, the forces of darkness currently have the strongest grip.

But hopefully, not for too much longer.

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I’m feeling totally exhausted, and I need to have a break for a few days, no internet, no emailing, no blogging, nothing.

BH, I will be back after Tisha B’av.

I have the strange feeling something ‘big’ may change over the next few days.

Hopefully for the good.

Let’s see.

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Remember three years ago, when Rav Berland said this:

“The more falsehood there is, the more that the truth will be revealed in a clearer way. The truth will be revealed in the end. As much as the sheker (falsehood, lies) will be spread in the world, more sheker, more falsehood to fool everyone, that’s the degree that the truth will be revealed in the end.

They didn’t tell all of the lies yet. It’s only the beginning…”

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Well, he was right.

The lies are coming so thick and fast, that I can’t keep up with them anymore, and trying to do so is making my head spin.

Right now, here’s what I need to be focussing on:

Getting One in a Generation #3 written and out.

Because that’s what is really getting things to move towards a sweeter geula.

The week I started pulling it all together, Ghislaine Maxwell got arrested (after a year of nothing…) and Epstein and Barak are back in the news.

When the ‘truth’ gets told in that area, the whole pack of cards will fall, including all this stuff about fake pandemics, fake second waves, fake science, fake ‘proof’ for we all need to be vaccinated against our wills…. All of it will fall.

So, that’s what I need to be focusing my efforts on, right now.

That means the next few days will probably be slow posting on the blog, or brief posts, FYI.

In the meantime, here’s what another switched-on reader sent me:

https://healthimpactnews.com/2020/dr-meryl-nass-discovers-hydroxychloroquine-experiments-were-designed-to-kill-covid-patients-how-many-were-murdered/

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Here’s a taster of what is says:

Dr. Meryl Nass has uncovered a hornet’s nest of government sponsored Hydroxychloroquine experiments that were designed to kill severely ill, Covid-19 hospitalized patients.

On June 14th Dr. Nass first identified two Covid-19 experiments in which massive, high toxic doses – four times higher than safe of hydroxychloroquine were being given to severely ill hospitalized patients in intensive care units.

  • Solidarity was being conducted by the World Health Organization, on 3500 Covid-19 patients at 400 hospitals, across 35 countries. The trial was suspended following the fraudulent Surgisphere report in The Lancet that claimed 35% higher death rates in patients receiving Hydroxychloroquine. But when The Lancet retracted the report, the WHO resumed the Solidarity trial. More than 100 countries expressed interest in participating in the trial.
  • Recovery experiment used very similar doses. It was sponsored by the Wellcome Trust (GlaxoSmithKline) and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the UK government. The experiment was conducted at Oxford University, on 1,542 patients of these 396 patients (25.7%) who were in the high dose Hydroxychloroquine arm, died.

Update: After Dr. Nass’ discovery was publicly disseminated, the WHO suspended the trial on Wednesday June 17th.

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There’s still a way to go, before enough of the lies are exposed to bring the house of cards down.

But each day, we’re making more progress, Baruch Hashem.

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Rabbenu famously taught that even ‘stupid words’ – mila de’shtuta – have a spiritual value.

It’s slow posting on the blog at the moment, for a few different reasons. I’m collecting the material for OIAG3, and that is taking a lot of time (and also, getting a lot of things to start moving, behind the scenes….).

And I’m also trying to make the most of every moment before the Three Weeks begins, to get out of the house and visit kivrei Tzaddikim, and to do a bunch of things that have been on my list for a long time, before the authorities use the fake Corona ‘second wave’ to try to close it all down again.

And lastly, I have so very much to write, so very much to share, that I kind of don’t know where to start.

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We’re all totally in limbo at the moment.

Stuck between what was, and what will be.

And that’s a very hard place to be in, mentally. Human beings do so much better, mentally, when they have some form of certainty – even when it’s ‘bad’ – than when they have no idea what’s coming next, and how to try to prepare themselves mentally for it.

So, that’s why we’re all stressed and atzbani at the moment – frustrated, upset, angry, lacking patience.

It’s totally normal and natural to be feeling this way right now, so let’s all keep giving ourselves – and others – a break.

That still means we apologise when we act like a nob to other people, and that we take responsibility for our actions, but in a laid-back way that doesn’t dramatise stuff, over over-hype things.

No big deal. Really.

Even if it really is the end of the world.

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A really helpful part of this coping strategy is what Rabbenu calls ‘stupid words’, or mila de-shtuta.

The Na-Nach guys are really good at mila de-shtuta. They’ve taken this part of Rabbenu’s Torah, and raised it to an art-form, as you can you can see a little in the clip below:

 

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Here’s what Rabbenu says in Likutey Moharan 2:24:

Mitzvah gadoleh l’hiot b’simcha – it’s a great mitzvah, to be happy at all times, and to invest all of our effort into banishing sadness and depression. All illnesses that befall a person are solely caused by a lack of joy…..

….And though a broken heart is very precious, this should be contained to a specific time. One should set aside a specific time everyday to break one’s heart and express oneself before God, as brought elsewhere. But one should be joyous for the rest of the day. One can more easily fall into depression from a broken heart, than one came become frivolous on account of happiness, for the distance between a broken heart and depression is less.

Therefore, one must be happy at all times, except for the specific time at which one should have a broken heart.

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So, in our hitbodedut, that’s the time to feel all the pain around the Coronavirus scam, all the corruption in Israel and elsewhere, all the evil billionaires, all the blind sheeple, the fact that the Rav is still in prison…

And to even cry about all these things.

But then, the other 23 hours a day, we have to brush ourselves off, and make EVERY EFFORT to pull ourselves out of feeling broken-hearted about the state of the world.

That’s where dancing and clapping come in.

I challenge you to spend even a minute dancing to this, below, and you’ll see how it instantly lifts your mood:

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The spiritual reason for this is that dancing and clapping ameliorates the harsh spiritual judgments at their root, as he explains in Lesson 1:169 of Likutey Moharan:

When there are troubles, whether collectively or personally, it is impossible to dance….

…[A]meliorating judgments is accomplished by a person judging himself. In other words, we must judge and assess ourselves, by ourselves, about everything that we do – for everythingwhether it was appropriate to act like that. We must analyze our actions and improve them appropriately, in line with the law and judgment of the Torah.

By judging and assessing oneself, one ameliorates and nullifies judgment Above, for, “When there is judgment below, there is no judgment Above. And when judgment is ameliorated, the blood leaves the feet, and joy can then spread through them, moving a person to dance.

In other words, the dancing is a type of spiritual short-cut, that ameliorates judgments Above.

And when we can’t dance – or don’t dance – it’s because we are weighed down by spiritual judgments.

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And then, there’s the mila de-shtuta stuff, too.

Rabbenu talks about that in Lesson 2:48 – which is really a beautiful lesson, about not despairing about what’s going on, and not giving up on ourselves, and just continuing to strengthen ourselves again, and again and again, and to not believe that God is rejecting us, and our prayers and our service.

BH, if I have time I will try to copy it out in full below, as an update to this post.

But in the meantime, here’s the nugget that’s most relevant to now:

[L]ive with the lesson in Likutey Moharan 1:282 [aka AZAMRA!], which is to search and seek and find within ourselves some merit, some good point. And with this good point that we find within ourselves, to rejoice and encourage ourselves. We should not give up on what we’ve already attained [spiritually], even if we’ve fallen away from it to wherever we have fallen.

Even so, we should encourage ourselves with the little bit of good that we still find within ourselves, until in this way, we merit to return completely to God, so that all the intentional sins will be transformed to merits (Yoma 86b).

From what the Baal Shem Tov did at sea, when the Evil Inclination tried to confuse him, we can understand how much we must encourage ourselves not to despair of ourselves, no matter what happens to us.

The most important thing is to be happy at all times, making ourselves happy in any way possible, even by means of foolishness, acting like a fool and doing foolish and merry-making things. Or simply jumping and dancing in order to reach joy, which is a very great thing.

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Ad kan, Rabbenu.

I know it’s hard at the moment. I know it’s tough. I’m feeling the strain myself too, believe me. That’s why I keep running off to Kivrei Tzaddikim every day or two, and trying to make an effort to dance for at least 5 minutes most days (but especially when I’m starting to feel down), and also, why I’m giving myself permission to watch videos like this, below (shmirat eynayim friendly).

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Whatever is going to keep my ‘happy’ and functioning, that’s what I’m going to do right now.

Until the evil starts to fall all by itself.

And trust me, dear reader. That point is so much closer than it currently looks.

We just need to hold on a tiny bit longer.

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PS: If you’re emailing me, and I haven’t responded, give me a little time to come back to you. I have a lot on my plate at the mo, so even responding to emails is a little more than I can manage at the moment. Thank you!

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A little light relief, in the middle of all the madness.

Breslov Rapper Nissim Black just came out with a new song, and I have to say… I’m loving it!

But I really hope he didn’t move back to the US because of the tough time he got all over the place in the frum community here. That seems to be the underlying theme of the song, but see what you think.

 

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UPDATE:

This great interview with Nissim just got released, and it’s very interesting for a lot of reasons. And BH, he’s still in the Holyland…

Last week, I had a little nervous breakdown.

The only reason it was little, as opposed to BIG, is because on Thursday morning I told my husband that if I didn’t make it out to Uman for Shabbat, I was probably going to crack up into a million pieces.

The warning signs had been gathering steam for two weeks, but we were deep in a massive cash crunch, so there was just no way I could get to Uman. Then on Tuesday, I was chasing some receipts for my husband’s end of year when we realized we’d been accidentally overcharged for something by 4, 000 shekels – the cost of spending Shabbat in Uman.

So, my husband asked for repayment, and Thursday morning, we booked the flight.

Thank God, because I was in such a low place by that point, I felt like the sky was falling in.

Usually, I’m pretty open about what sparks all this stuff off, and I can tell you that I’m definitely dealing with a million and one big stressors at the moment, that have all been depleting my strength and challenging me. I’ll list them here, to make it neat, but that’s not really what sent me off the deep end.

  • I have to move apartment by end of Feb, and still haven’t found somewhere.
  • I have to complete the purchase of an apt in Harish by end of Feb, and the bank turned down the mortgage.
  • I have to complete my ‘Crush your stress’ masterclass (haha!) and start marketing it properly.
  • I have to somehow figure out tickets for trips to the US and UK for family simchas.
  • My kid wants to drop out of school again.
  • My other kid is leaving her National Service half way through the year

All these stressors could easily pass for ‘the reason I’m cracking up’, and in the past, I’ve made the mistake of thinking they are the root cause of my emotional distress.

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But last week, I realized they are just the icing, not the cake.

The stuff that was really causing me to crack up last week is far more intangible. It just runs so deep, and goes to the heart of this whole idea of what I’m really meant to be doing in the world.

After 46 years, I realized that I’m still the perpetual weirdo, that I’m never going to see things the way other people do, or react to things ‘normally’, or be able to fit myself into the neat little boxes that apparently suit ‘everyone else’ – whoever the heck they are.

I’ve been fighting that clarity since I could think, because it brings a whole big bag of loneliness and self-doubt along with it. For four and a half decades, I’ve been waiting for me to mellow enough to fit in with the world, or for the world to speed up enough to keep up with me.

And last week, I finally understood that it’s never going to happen.

That understanding totally blew me out the water, and left me feeling like ET would feel once he understood the Mothership was never showing up to take him back home.

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I am a perpetual weirdo, stuck in a place where no-one is ever going to ‘get’ me.

This has implications for a lot of things, not least all my ongoing attempts to keep trying to ‘brainwash’ people – including my family members – into seeing things and experiencing things the way I do.

Up until last week, I thought it was just a matter of time until everyone comes around and starts to pick up the same vibes I do about things. Just a bit more ‘Moshiach light’ needs to slip under the door, just a bit more ‘Moshiach consciousness’ needs to shine in through the windows, and they will finally understand.

But now, I accept that’s never going to happen.

So last week, I fled to Uman to get some advice about how I’m meant to relate to myself in this new paradigm.

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Now I know I’m just never going to get that meeting of minds I’m craving, that sense of connection, now I know that I have to keep ‘the real me’ mostly under wraps if I want to have peaceful relationships and not cause constant friction, how do I relate to myself? How do I like myself?

How do I use all my ‘weirdness’ in a way that will still benefit the world, without causing me all this heartache because I feel so lonely and misunderstood so much of the time?

That’s why I came knocking on the door of Uman, the only place that makes me feel a little bit ‘normal’.

There was no bolt of lightning, no neon sign that suddenly lit up over the Tziyon saying

Rivka, do THIS!!!!! Be like THIS!!!! Just change THIS!!!!

But I came to Uman dragging a whole big chain of doubt, unhappiness and emotional pain behind me, and mostly, it’s gone.

I’m feeling connected back to my soul and connected back to God and the true Tzaddikim again. I have a lot to figure out still, but somehow, everything is going to turn out for the best.

And now, I have to get on with finding somewhere to live, and putting the finishing touches to my ‘Crush your stress’ course (haha!)

God certainly has a sense of humour.

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UPDATE 29.11.2019: It’s working again, BH!

Would love to hear from you, unless you’re a psycho, so please do drop me a line.

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Just a quick note to say that if you’ve been trying to get in touch via the comments form, I’ve found out it’s not working.

I will try to get it fixed ASAP, but in the meantime, apologies if you’ve tried to get in touch and I haven’t responded.

It’s been SO heavy the last few days, mamash.

I’ve been one of the volunteers feverishly translating prayers for the ravberland.com site, and thank God for that, I think it’s the only thing that’s kept me sane.

There is a lot of VERY heavy stuff about to hit the mainstream, that will change the whole picture. The totally corrupt establishment in the West has been pushing it down for decades and decades – and killing any journalists or writers who get anywhere near to pinning it down with names and concrete details – but the information is starting to leak.

That’s as much as I’m willing to say, at this stage.

I’m taking a week’s break from blogging to work on my book which is woefully behind schedule. Unless something massive happens in the next few days (you never know, the way things are shaping up…) I won’t be blogging.

You might want to revisit some of the older posts on the site, to tide you over and give you your ‘Rivka fix’ in the meantime, while I’m offline.

Who knows what state we’ll all be in after September 1, when I’m planning to start writing here again?

I’ll see you on the other side.

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