So there I was, in the middle of one of the most poisonous email exchanges I’ve had in about five years, where my three toxic and mentally-ill correspondents were all vying with each other to see who could say something even nastier, and even more soul-destroying, when suddenly I got an email from Shuvu Banim drop into my inbox.
The title of the email was:
“Don’t respond to the people who are against us. Every word they say is a diamond. Don’t throw the diamonds back!”
Dear reader, the timing of that email was so uncanny it gave me chills up my spine. How did Rav Berland know that my inbox was filling up with heaping sacks of these ‘diamonds’ at precisely that moment? How did he know that I was starting to get to that point of saying something that I’d probably regret – because the problem with arguing with mentally-ill narcissists is that you can never win.
If you answer back with even a fraction of the poison and hatred they routinely bombard you with, they’ll harp on it for years (all the while ignoring all the disgusting things they themselves say.) BUT if you don’t answer back – the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness can sometimes be overwhelming.
And then suddenly, Rav Berland showed up with some of the most precious, useful advice I’ve ever heard: the insults are diamonds. The emotional abuse they’re heaping on your head is diamonds. The lies and the poisonous comments they’re sending your way, it’s all diamonds!!!
Man, do I need some diamonds. I have my eye on an apartment around the corner that costs $2 million…
Part of the genius of our true Tzaddikim is that they can give you advice, in one sentence, that literally changes your whole life around. Rebbe Nachman also had that gift, and Rav Berland’s advice to ‘not throw the diamonds back!!!’ also literally changed the whole picture for me.
All of a sudden, I could calm down again. All of a sudden, instead of getting angry about all the emotional abuse stacking up in my inbox, I took a deep breath and saw things completely differently: being called a ‘parasite’ has to be worth at least 50 Koh-i-noors, don’t you think?
So at this rate, I’m at least half way towards making the down payment on that amazing apartment…
And I noticed an added bonus that happened when I stopped caring about all the insults and abuse that was pouring in: it dried up all by itself.
Emotionally-abusive people have very little of their own spiritual ‘light’. Just as Rav Berland explained in THIS POST, the sheker, the falsehood in the world only exists because it’s leaching off the kedusha, or holiness. I keep mitzvot. I (try to) be a God-fearing person. I (try to) recognize my flaws, and work on them. The people abusing me do none of those things.
It’s only my energy, my upset, my distress that gives them the strength they need to keep on attacking me. Once I stopped chucking the diamonds back at them, they had no ‘energy’ of their own to continue the fight and all three of them slunk off.
In this time when the end of the End of Days is fast approaching, the lies are going to multiply.
The deceitful, emotionally-abusive, anti-God people are going to drop their polite masks and really show us all what we’re up against. The fake rabbis are going to start popping up in more and more places, speaking all their lashon hara against the true Tzaddikim, and trying to spread their heretical ideas to as many people as possible. The warped bloggers, social media mavens and anonymous commentators are all going to jump into the mix, too, trying to convince everyone that ‘black is really white’, and that ‘good is really bad’.
How to get through this awful stage?
- Talk to God as much as possible, and ask Him to show you the truth. This isn’t about finding someone ‘out there’ to convince you anymore, it’s about clinging on to God, because God is truth and the closer you are to Him the easier it’ll be to spot all the lies.
- Don’t throw anyone’s diamonds back at them. That doesn’t mean you can’t respond to the lies generally – like I’m doing in my posts on Emunaroma, and like other excellent bloggers are also trying to do. But don’t get into any personal mud-slinging, as that just gives the klipot
People with pronounced, unrectified Erev Rav / narcissistic tendencies simply can’t accept or acknowledge the truth.
You’re wasting your time debating with them. When Moshiach shows up, and when we finally get to the Yom Ha Gadol, then God Himself will show who is really righteous, and who is really evil.
And until then, keep praying, keep your mouth shut, and don’t throw the diamonds back at anyone.