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Long-term readers of this blog will know I’ve been a Trump sceptic right from the start.

It just always seemed so odd to me, how so many people believed that a bankrupt billionaire with very bad middot could literally morph into some sort of ‘moshiach’ just by taking office.

But of course, there were so many rabbis (ahem) explaining how Trump was a non-Jewish ‘Moshiach ben Yosef’; and there were so many dumb bloggers repeating that message – and even getting into fights with anyone who dared to question the idea – that I mostly stayed away from the subject of Trump.

Until 2019, which is when I started publically questioning the whole idea of America being some good, benevolent country, that only does goodness and righteousness in the world.

Whatever.

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There was an interesting discussion over on Daisy’s blog, HERE, that got me thinking about the whole idea of ‘controlled opposition’, and how Trump, and other people we know, fit into that.

As we’ve stated here a few times, the swamp is controlling both sides of the debate, the argument, the political process, ‘the great divide’.

Whatever the subject is, you can be sure that the swamp has representatives on both sides of the fence, especially with the political system, but also when it comes to every great ‘debate’ or controversy.

How do we know who those ‘representatives’ are?

Simple:

They never really get shut down.

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And for those who want to tell me that Trump was ‘shut down’ on Twitter the last two weeks, the answer is: so what?

It’s a ‘deep cover’ tactic.

If they hadn’t shut Trump down for 2 weeks right at the end of his Presidency, then more and more people would have realised that nothing was going to change, anyway.

The swamp are masters of manipulation and human psychology.

They had half the free world ‘hanging out’ for Moshiach Trump to finally reveal himself, and perform the miracle to ‘clean up the swamp’.

And in the meantime….. those people weren’t doing anything else spiritually constructive, and they were totally living in a fantasy world that ‘Trump will fix it’.

And of course, Trump himself had no intention of ever ‘cleaning up the swamp’ because if he had, don’t you think he’d have made a tiny bit more progress, over the last 4 years?

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What can we learn from all this?

#1 – taken from a recent prayer put out by Rabbi Eliezer Berland, is that POLITICS = AMALEK.

That applies to all politicians, everywhere.

It’s just one big circus, one big distraction, fooling the whole population into thinking that their vote, their decision, their ‘candidate’ is going to represent their interests, and enact the changes they want to see in their society and world.

Even if an individual politician isn’t totally corrupted (big if…) personally, they are still serving a system that is so corrupt, that no-one who isn’t corrupt will ever be allowed to obtain real power.

And that is true, wherever you happen to live in the world.

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#2 – So many of those rabbis and ‘commentators’ are still misleading people, publically.

If these people had an ounce of humility, they would put their hands up, apologise, and make some serious teshuva for siphoning-off 4 years of Jewish yearning for geula, and Jewish prayers for Moshiach over to ‘Moshiach Trump’.

(And let’s not even talk about all the prayers, mitzvahs and Jewish yearning that’s been ‘siphoned off’ towards other false moshiachs, over the past few decades….)

And I’m willing to bet good money that once they get over this latest ‘disappointment’ and failed prediction, they will be back with another round of pointless distraction and fake Torah.

They aren’t going to retire any time soon, but you for sure can switch them off, and stop listening to all their distracting drivel.

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#3 – The only way to get to the truth is to pray on it yourself, and stop looking for shortcuts.

How do you know I’m bona fide, and not ‘controlled opposition’?

You don’t.

At least, you don’t unless you are doing some soul-searching, and you are double-checking if the stuff I’m writing sits well with your soul, or not.

Is the stuff on this blog bringing you closer to Hashem, or pushing you further away?

When I bring advice and segulot from Rabbenu, or from Rav Berland, are those things helping you, calming you, reassuring you – or not?

These are big questions, they are important questions – and nobody can answer them, really, except you.

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Stop looking for shortcuts and ‘rabbis’ and commentators to make important decisions for you.

It’s your life, in your hands, and YOU are the only one, really, who can know which path is best for you, and which path Hashem is taking you down.

And sometimes, those answers may be contrary to what you want to believe, or what you think sounds ‘right’.

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I’ve lost count of the times I’ve gone against the tide, because I was prompted to in my hitbodedut.

Like, when I started unpicking all the ‘narcissists’ and narcissism in my own life, and started questioning whether it really was OK for parents to manipulate their children with disapproval, criticism and guilt trips.

Like, when I started pondering what on earth was going on with the bizarre coverage of what was happening with Rabbi Berland, way before I’d come close to him in any way, shape or form.

Like, more recently, researching all this stuff with Yonatan Eybshutz, the rasha, and Jacob Frank, and all the secret sabbateans still in our midst.

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All of these things – and many more – usually led me to some very uncomfortable realisations, and some very hard choices.

That’s what it really means, to ‘leave the world of lies’.

It’s painful. It’s challenging. It means you have to change things – often really big things – and to make a lot of teshuva, and to accept that a lot has happened that was wrong and bad.

And that I myself have done so many things that are objectively wrong and bad.

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The problem is not reaching that conclusion.

The real problem is when people trip over their own human frailties, and human failings, and middot malfunctions – and then try very hard to continue covering them up.

Which is why, paradoxically, ‘Moshiach Trump’ has the potential to still be useful, spiritually.

Trump acolytes – you now have a chance to make some real, sincere teshuva.

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Instead of fuming about ‘evil Democrats’; instead of complaining that you were ‘misled by others’; instead of pretending that really, you knew it all along – come clean.

At least to Hashem, come clean.

Put you hand up, and admit that you believed Trump was ‘the answer’ because you never really took the time to check him out in your own personal conversation with God.

You never took the time to question the assumptions ‘Moshiach Trump’ was based on.

You didn’t spend even a second to ask yourself what your own biases were, and how they could be coloring your take on ‘Moshiach Trump’.

And as it is with ‘Moshiach Trump’, so it is with a whole bunch of other things in our lives, too.

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Trump, and all the ‘rabbis’ (ahem…) and commentators supporting him led so many people away from real answers.

You want a real answer to the massive – and growing – problems in the world?

There is only one way you are going to get it.

Start talking to God, and start figuring out which of your own plentiful bad middot are continuing to prop up that yucky ‘world of lies’, that is doing so much damage to all of us.

And then, start asking God to show you who is really ‘true’ and ‘trustworthy’ in the world – and who isn’t.

And be prepared to be totally shocked by the answers.

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When my husband and I started doing that in earnest, around 6 years ago, it blew our three main ‘rabbinic advisors’ out of the water, one after the another, over a period of just a few weeks.

To say it was traumatic is a massive understatement.

But that process (eventually…) led us to the Rav.

And since then, life has continued to just get better and easier.

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But don’t take my word for it!!!!

Do the experiment yourself, there is simply no other way.

If you are honestly asking God to show you the truth, He will.

About Trump.

About Covid.

About all these ‘rabbis’.

About Moshiach.

About what you and me really need to work on, and really need to fix.

And that’s when geula will really start in earnest – at least for you – whatever else is going on in the world.

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PS: I had a thought about evil Biden, too.

Remember that Haman was ‘elevated’ by being invited to Queen Esther’s feast just before he fell.

We are much closer to things turning around than it may look.

Don’t buy into all the fear porn!

They are cranking things up because they have a very short window left to ‘vaccinate’ as many people as they can. Hang on just a couple more weeks, and let’s see what’s going on then.

Haman toppled within 24 hours of being ‘elevated’ – and God’s salvation comes in the blink of an eye.

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But of course, it doesn’t always feel like that.

Israel is apparently going into another totally unnecessary lockdown from Sunday, and I’m struggling a little to deal with the fact that these evil people are still continuing on with their nefarious agendas.

It’s pretty demoralising.

Not least, the idea that I feel so powerless to stop them, or to do anything that will make a difference.

But really, that’s not true.

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God is controlling the world.

Only God.

And just as Joseph HaTzaddik ‘unmasked’ himself before the brothers, Hashem will ‘unmask’ Himself from behind all the pain and craziness that’s currently going on, which is really just a test of our middot.

All this cleaning out the pipes, it’s drawing those lines in the sand that start to clearly delineate who is doing what, which side people are really on – the side of truth, or the side of lies – and to encourage all of us to get down to the work of forging a real connection with God.

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At the same time – I have never found it so hard to do hitbodedut.

I wake up and just stare at the walls for an hour, instead of doing al netilat yedayim and getting on with my prayers and my hour of talking to God.

BH, I still manage to do it at some point in the day, but I know from past experience that when I find it hard to talk to God, it’s because I’m angry at Him.

I’m angry that innocent teenagers are being killed in cold blood by the evil Israeli police.

I’m angry that we’re having to go into yet another lockdown, supported by the usual tissue of propaganda and outrageous lies.

I’m angry that God has let the Jewish people be lead and mislead by a bunch of evil, two-faced narcissists who are really only interested in money and power.

I’m angry that Moshiach isn’t here already, clearing this mess up.

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That’s my work right now.

To admit I’m angry, and then to take that admission back to God, in hitbodedut, and to try to turn it into emuna and bitul, acceptance of God’s will.

It’s hard.

But that’s the whole point.

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Probably like everyone else out there, I’m struggling a bit at the moment.

Most of the time I’m fine, but then I’ll get hit with a big wave of yeoush, or a big wave of sadness, and then I don’t feel like doing anything much.

Or, I’ll feel totally overwhelmed.

Or, I’ll feel some not so low level panic.

And I know I’m not alone.

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My middot are getting a really good work out at the moment, and I’m not always acting and reacting the way I would like.

I’m spending a lot of time online, researching all these Shabbatean Frankist people, and I’m aware that as well as being useful (at least on some level…) it’s also totally an ‘escape from reality’ project, to help me cope with a reality that I really don’t like so much, or find very easy.

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Today, one of my kids wanted the house to herself, so she could invite 15 classmates around and just whoop it up without any adults around.

I’m trying to accommodate my teens anyway I can, to try and preserve their mental health in a world gone mad.

So I said ‘yes’.

And then, I pondered to myself what on earth I was going to do, to get myself ‘out of the way’ while she whoops it up in the house.

I mean, the restaurants and cafes (that re-opened….) are all take-out only.

I can’t stand shopping with a mask.

And because the weather is pouring rain and thunder storms, long walks in nature or by the beach were also out.

As usual, the Rav came to the rescue.

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I checked the shuvubanim website, and saw that the indefatigable Aron Shwartz was arranging another protest on behalf of the Rav, this time a convoy of cars to leave from Bnai Brak at 1.30 today, headed towards the High Court in Jerusalem.

I had a date!

Of course, it was later than planned. It only really got going at 2.30.

And of course, there weren’t a ton of cars who showed up for it.

A lot of Shuvu Banim don’t have cars, in the first place.

And the weather was so bad, it’s amazing anyone showed up, honestly.

But for the first hour, I was driving along in the convoy feeling quietly happy that I was part of this outfit.

Then, we took a wrong turn down the wrong road, and all of a sudden, my mood plummeted.

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What the heck am I doing here?!? 

I’m totally wasting my time….

How is this going to make even the smallest bit of difference, barely a minyan in a few cars driving slowly on the side of the road in the pouring rain and the dark?

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For an hour, I had maximum yeoush and sadness and ‘lowliness’ going on again.

Then we got to Jerusalem, and that’s when we started beeping loudly, as our small convoy drove through some of the major chareidi neighborhoods with our two signs about the Rav stuck on the first and last cars in line.

As a rule, I try very hard to NOT beep.

But man, was I beeping a ton today.

And as I beeped – repeatedly – Hashem reminded me that the wars of Am Yisrael were never fought with big armies and overwhelming force.

They were fought with very small groups of Jews, who believed in something bigger than them.

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That’s how the walls of Jericho fell.

That’s how the Maccabees overcame the Greeks.

All I have to do is show up, and beep a little, and God is going to make all those walls start tumbling down by themselves.

BH, very soon.

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I had something of an epiphany yesterday evening.

I was in the car with my oldest daughter yesterday, as part of her levuyee 3 month period post passing her driving test, when she has to be accompanied by an adult.

So, we’re driving to Mahane Yehuda, and I was still in the bad mood I’ve been in for a week, on and off.

Suddenly, this song by Yaakov Shwekey started playing:

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I know God uses all sorts of different things to give us messages – even cheesy (but catchy…) tunes by Yaakov Shwekey.

So, I’m listening to it, and I hear these words:

“Life is the people we love
And what we give to one another
Loving is giving, giving is life”

And suddenly, a light bulb goes off in my head.

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The last few weeks, I’ve been struggling with a feeling that nothing really matters. 

I know I’m not alone in that. I see my kids, and my kids’ friends, and I speak to my own peers and relatives, and I know so many of us are struggling in this ‘Covid-1984’ reality, to really find meaning in life.

Suddenly, all the certainties got blown out the water.

The career really isn’t worth as much as we thought. Making enough money has become even harder. Any ‘certainty’ that remained has vanished in a puff of smoke. And all our ‘standards’ and ‘goals’ and ‘plans’ have dissolved, as well.

It’s hard to plan, hope and dream when we literally have no idea what the next 24 hours will bring.

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And then add on to that the tremendous difficulties and obstacles that we’re all encountering to do even basic mitzvot right now.

As well as the onslaught against holy places, yeshivot, mikvahs and synagogues, and the deliberate closures planned to coincide with every Jewish holiday, there’s also the ‘bog standard’ miniot that accompany every mitzvah.

Even stuff like going for a walk has got so much harder, mentally, wrapped up as it know is in 5 million internal discussions about mask-wearing, dodging the police, how fast to walk in order to be able to claim “I’m exercising”, and all the rest of it.

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So it is, that I’ve been in a place the last few weeks where I’m finding it hard to answer the question:

What is the point of all this?

What’s the point of getting out of bed?

What’s the point of writing more stuff?

Or cooking more things?

What’s the point of trying to build, to create, to unite, when there is just such a huge big enterprise of evil that controls the world (apparently….) and that just continues to destroy, degrade and divide?

I’ve been struggling mightily to answer that question.

And then yesterday, I heard this song by Shwekey, and it something clicked.

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Right now, the whole job is just to work on my bad middot, and to do kindnesses for others.

And also, for myself.

And that’s it.

It’s a big enough job, believe me.

The last few weeks, my tolerance and patience for anyone else has been really low, even for the people I love the most.

I see now, that it’s all just a mirror.

God is making us all super-sensitised to ‘bad’ so we can clean up our act.

But the corollary of that is that we are seeing ‘bad’ all over the place, because the time has truly come to deal with it properly.

Each of us has our own job to do, to clean up our act.

I certainly have a lot of work to do, to start seeing ‘the good’ again, and to stop focussing so much on the bad.

And when I do that, I know the world around me will also automatically start to look like a brighter, nicer and more hopeful place again.

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Before we continue, some timely words from Rabbenu, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

A few weeks ago, when I was first heading into this whole genealogical minefield, I happened to pick up a copy of Tzaddik, and I ‘randomly’ opened it to page 388, where I read this:

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#464:

People had been telling the Rebbe all kinds of stories about various groups of people in Berdichov including, among others, some of the wealthy people there and also a number of popular leaders.

The Rebbe said:

“If we put all these stories about the various different kinds of people in Berdichov together, including the stories about these ‘Tzaddikim’, they all add up to nothing.

It is like a tree which grows in an orchard or a field among great numbers of other trees. Even in one tree there are all kinds of variations: there might be a branch where the leaves have withered, or places where the fruit has been spoiled because of a worm getting in, or there could be a branch where the fruit near the end has gotten spoiled.

There are all kinds of variations and imperfections even amongst the leaves and fruits of a single tree.

Yet the tree is still a tree, and the orchard itself, which contains large numbers of trees, is certainly still an orchard.

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“The meaning of this comparison should be at least partly clear to someone with intelligence.

Today’s world may well contain many people who are totally corrupt and others, who although they possess a certain decency, also have their various imperfections, including the so-called leaders.

Nevertheless, the holy tree is still a tree.

And even more so, the orchard which contains so many trees – namely souls – is still an orchard.

All the imperfections do not add up to anything.”

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Dear readers, I’m looking at our collective family tree, our collective ‘family orchard’, and I can tell you that there is a lot of withered leaves, rotten fruit and worm infestation going on here.

Before Moshiach comes, it needs cleaning out, the orchard needs a bit of pruning and tidying up.

In some ways, this is going to be a painful job.

Whenever I have to cut back my lavender plants, or lop some branches and twigs off my trees, I always feel a little sorry for my poor plants, that they have to be ‘operated’ on like this. But I do it, because I know that if I don’t the plant won’t thrive.

It needs some shaping, it needs the dead wood cleared out, so new, fresh growth can take place.

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Right now, we are at that part of the story where ‘something’ happens to flip the whole reality on its head.

Up until this point, people have been sitting there in their armchairs, believing that the Rav is the ‘bad one’, God forbid.

They’ve been believing all those news stories, all the breathless headlines from the Yeshiva World News and from Facebook, secure in their judgmental self-righteousness, that something like this could never be said of their Rebbe, or their group, or the public figures they support and admire.

But that’s just not true.

When all the truth comes out, I doubt there will be a person, a community, across the whole Jewish world who won’t be touched in some way, by its healing rays.

When that sun of truth finally rises, with refua in its wings, we’ve already been told that it will heal the righteous, and burn the wicked.

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The test right now is just to love our fellow Jew unconditionally, and to try to put ourselves in their shoes.

That doesn’t mean we excuse or justify bad. We can never excuse, ignore or justify ‘bad’.

But what it does mean, is that we don’t start lording it over people, and other groups, and arrogantly pointing the finger at them, and holding them in contempt, because we consider ourselves to be perfect.

There are a lot of withered leaves going on here.

There is a lot of rotten fruit.

Not just in our neighbors’ ‘trees’, but also in our own.

We are at the stage where very soon, it’s all going to be exposed.

And that’s when ahavat chinam, loving our neighbors and ourselves unconditionally – but without justifying ‘bad’ and ‘evil’ – is going to be what gets us through this next stage, and onwards towards the geulah and Moshiach.

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Remember what Rabbenu is telling us:

“Today’s world may well contain many people who are totally corrupt and others, who although they possess a certain decency, also have their various imperfections, including the so-called leaders.

Nevertheless, the holy tree is still a tree.

And even more so, the orchard which contains so many trees – namely souls – is still an orchard.

“All the imperfections do not add up to anything.”

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A reader asked if I could write a ‘chizzuk’ post.

Honestly, I’d like to do that way more than I do on this blog, but sometimes, it just doesn’t come to me. Especially recently.

But a reader got in touch, and told me they have friends in Israel who recently made aliya, and who are now wondering if they made the right decision, especially with all the revelations about just how corrupt this State really is.

What can I say?

You absolutely made the right decision.

Yes, I know the Kotel is shut to anyone outside the Rova, the holy sites are closed down, Mahane Yehuda is off limits, the beach is shut, and the police are violent thugs and psychopaths who have been trained to hate and attack religious Jews.

Yes, that sucks.

I also know that so many of us are going a little crazy from being ‘locked down’ in small apartments, stuck with our families 24/7 and being forced to wear masks for fear of massive fines.

(And not because we’re scared of a virus that has incontrovertibly killed less people than the common flu.)

But nevertheless, you absolutely made the right decision to move to Israel now.

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Here’s why:

  1. So many of our true tzaddikim, the people who really know what they are talking about and aren’t confused by what’s going on, have repeatedly told us to make aliya. And top of that list is Rabbi Eliezer Berland.
  2. Israel is still the holy land, and it’s still chock-full of holy Jews. Once more of us holy Jews understand who the real ‘enemy’ is – and that is slowly dawning on more and more of us – things will turnaround here fast, and fundamentally.
  3. Israel is just 3 months ahead of the rest of the world. Whatever is going on here today will be going on by you very soon – except you’ll also have to deal with way more violent non-Jews, and way more toxic anti-semitism, because Jews are a tiny minority in every other country, even the US, whereas here, they are a massive majority. It’s the bad guys here who are the minority, so when things change – as they inevitably will – the majority rule here will be one of kedusha.

And hopefully, also of geula and Moshiach.

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Nachamu, Nachamu, my people.

Don’t forget that the power of prayer can change everything around, and that our real strength is in our tefilla, not in our hishtadlut.

Turn to God, wherever you happen to be in the world, and beg Him to end all the evil, all the coronafascism, all the madness, and to uncover the lies and help more Jews to make teshuva and return to God, and their true spiritual greatness.

We have been ruled by a small, evil minority of Shabatean ‘crypto Jews’ for approaching three centuries now, who made it a priority to place their people into positions of leadership and power, where they could influence – and ultimately destroy – so much of our kedusha and connection to Hashem.

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Those people run the State of Israel, it’s true.

But they are to be found all over the world in Jewish leadership positions, and especially amongst the ranks of ‘rabbis’ and communal leaders.

More on this soon, BH.

But the bottom line is, staying out of Israel doesn’t mean you are staying out of the problem.

The ‘problem’ is everywhere.

But at least in Israel, there’s also a few million sincere, believing Jews, too. Like, half the country (at least….) has been to Uman, regardless of how they look externally, and Rabbenu’s Army is a massive force to be reckoned with now.

And don’t forget, that it’s ultimately just God, who is behind all this, because He wants some serious teshuva.

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So courage!

We are almost at the finishing line.

Anyone who lives in Israel will probably have a much easier time from here on in, as hard as it is, because all the suffering we’ve endured here is ‘sweetening’ things for us in a profound way, as we head into the final lap for geula.

And anyone that doesn’t – you can connect to God from wherever you are, and connect to Rabbenu, and to the Rav, wherever you live.

True, it’s easier – way easier – to do that in Israel. But it’s possible everywhere.

And each one of us that keeps praying, keeps talking to God, keeps asking Hashem to send us geula and Moshiach the sweet way, and keeps working on our own bad middot, is automatically part of Rabbenu’s Army, and part of something way bigger, spiritually, than any of us can really comprehend.

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I know it’s hard right now.

The light has been so obscured.

But hang on!

It’s all about to turn around.

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UPDATE:

This from Alizah – thanks!

It’s the follow up to the first video from Rabbi Smith, which you can find HERE (scroll down to the bottom).

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The yeoush is pretty heavy right now.

Here in Israel, they are in the second week of another politically-induced lockdown, and everyone is starting to crack.

I’m also approaching the end of two weeks of politically-motivated ‘bidud’, or total isolation, after returning from the Ukraine, where I can’t leave my house.

Me, my husband and my kids have been together non-stop for approaching 6 weeks.

It’s a huge test of everyone’s middot.

And sometimes, I’m failing it.

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But today, I woke up and got out of bed before 7am, because I am not going to let them depress me and demoralise me any more.

That’s what they want.

Because depressed, demoralised people become ‘sheeple’, who can be so easily manipulated by fear and threat, because they’ve given up on themselves, and they no longer have the energy to resist, at least mentally and spiritually.

Yesterday I realised something very important:

My soul is so much bigger than all of this.

It’s so much bigger than lockdowns, and New World Orders, and corrupt, psychopath billionaires, and biotech.

It’s so much bigger than all of this evil.

And so is yours.

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When we connect our souls back to God, and bind ourselves to the true tzaddikim, we are unstoppable.

Nothing can stand in the way of God, nothing.

And God is only good.

And so, the good is going to win out.

It may take another week, another month, another year, (God forbid!) – but the good is going to win out.

And they know it.

That’s why they were in such a rush to shove Rav Berland in prison on totally false charges, to try to ‘remove’ the head of the movement for peace, emuna, and good in the world.

But it’s not going to work.

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The Rav will get out soon, as soon as we reach a tipping point of people who realise how the same billionaire-bought media, and the same billionaire-run State of Israel, that has global ambitions to force ‘biotech’ down everyone’s throats and turn us into enslaved robots (or kill us….) used exactly the same deceit and lies to frame the Rav.

The same modus operandi that is being used with COVID-1984 was used to frame Rav Berland.

When more people acknowledge that, and make some sincere teshuva, all this is going to change in the blink of an eye.

We’re almost at that tipping point, I can feel it in the air.

So don’t give up!

That’s exactly what they want.

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UPDATE:

You know all this ‘peace in the Middle East’ stuff is also manipulated baloney with an economic / exploitation agenda behind it, too, don’t you?

There’s so many plates spinning in the State of Israel right now, it’s hard to keep track of everything that’s going on. But this short 2 minute video is extremely useful in understanding WHY money – and especially privately-produced-debt-as-‘money’ – really is the root of all evil in the world.

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When more of us overcome our own tavot mamon, this picture is going to change radically. The people who are oppressing us with COVID-1984 lockdowns, and terrorism, and never ending wars – and all the rest – only have power because we give them that power.

And the key way to removing their power is to stop worrying about, and lusting after, having more money, or ‘financial security’.

God is providing us, and He doesn’t need shekels, dollars, euros or pounds to do that.

BH, I will flesh this idea out much more soon.

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Even when the body is being locked down, our souls can still join together this Rosh Hashana.

Man, it’s been a tough day mentally today.

Word on the street is that despite Ron Lauder getting involved (!) to send a letter to the Ukrainian PM Zelensky telling him just how important Uman, Rosh Hashana is for Breslov chassidut (!), the answer is still a nyet for those amazing Jews stuck in no-mans-land at the Gomel crossing in Belarus.

There are no coincidences in the world, and it is totally no coincidence that those amazing, emuna-dik Jews have been dancing and praying with tremendous kavana (and also sleeping rough outside with very little food for 3 nights…) in Gomel.

This comes from the myjewishlearning website:

Birkat Hagomel (pronounced beer-KHAT hah-GOH-mel), sometimes known as “benching gomel,” is commonly said after recovering from serious illness but can also be recited in gratitude for completing a dangerous journey.

This blessing for deliverance is typically recited in the presence of a minyan, or prayer quorum, often in the synagogue following an aliyah to the Torah.

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My take on this is that the tremendous mesirut nefesh of those 1,000 (plus 1,500 others, also stuck in Belarus but not at the Gomel crossing) has helped the world ‘recover’ from the ‘serious illness’ that has plaguing us all year, COVID-1984, and has also helped the Jewish people to finally complete the ‘dangerous journey’ that has been our 2,000 year long exile.

The amount of bizayon and suffering they went through is indescribable, and in their zchut the geula is coming fast, and the sweet way.

But still, it’s so sad that apparently they aren’t going to make it here for Rosh Hashana 5781 after all.

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Then, there’s the heavy-handed police presence all over Pushkina that I wrote about HERE, that is making me and half the rest of my family feel like we just don’t want to go outside. At all.

But I have Rosh Hashana to prepare, so this morning I went with half my family in a taxi to a local super, to pick up the rest of what’s required to actually make yom tov.

The supermarket trip was surprisingly chilled and nice (outside the police state of Pushkina, it’s way, way more relaxed in every way).

But then, we got stopped coming back along Pushkina by a posse of 4 Ukrainian policemen, asking us for our papers.

We didn’t have our passports on us, so one of the policemen decided to get into the taxi – he practically sat on my lap, until the driver told him that Jews don’t hold by that sort of behavior, so he made a bit more space for me. Soo thoughtful….

Then, we get back to where we’re staying, we show him the passports clearly stamped with ‘August 28th’ – the last day a tourist could legally get into Ukraine for Uman, without special permission from the government – and then he starts Google translating questions in English like:

But you are women. Women not allowed here.

I thought his translation was off, so I tried to ask him what he was really trying to say.

Women not allowed here.

He typed back.

At that point – just before my blood pressure zoomed off through the roof, because what, after all this I’m going to get deported from Ukraine for being a woman?!?!? – one of the men in the household who knows a little Ukrainian told him da, da, women OK here.

Once he heard it from a man, the police guy took his mask off, asked for a cup of tea and then started joking about whether we’d poisoned it.

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Two minutes later, he left.

And then I had another mini nervous breakdown because I already haven’t slept for 2 days in a row, for reasons not entirely obvious to me, and I’m not eating so much here, and I literally felt I was going to fall over.

I need a falafel, something, I moaned to my husband.

So we went down the street, and saw black-masked police stopping the 3 1/2 Jews on the street very few minutes to ask them for their documents.

There were also at least 3 local Ukrainian TV crews trying to get shots of Jews looking like disease-carrying COVID-1984 hotspots, and I felt pretty uncomfortable when I realised one cameraman had his lens focused on me. I pulled a really gross face, then started waving to the camera like he was my mum, or something.

That embarassed him enough to move another 500 metres down the road, away from me.

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I came home and just felt so miserable about everything that is going on right now, both in Uman and Israel and everywhere else.

After the falafel, I went to bed to do some quiet hitbodedut for an hour, as the Tziyon is now closed to women.

I felt much calmer afterwards, although still a bit shaky and exhausted.

My middot are just really not up to this test. At all. And we’re still in the middle of the test, with no obvious end in site.

Then my husband came back from the kever, and told me with obvious surprise:

They took the snake away. The Kever is pretty much back to normal again. There are people davening there and praying there again.

I was so pleased.

At least that.

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Then, I went over to the Breslovnews.com website, which is in English, and I read this article, which really spoke to me about the ‘test’ that we’re all going through right now, especially in the Breslov community:

When I reflect on the insanity of the current situation and the multifarious experiences centered around the issue of Uman 2020 within the Breslov world, I get the feeling that Rabbeinu HaKadosh is putting us to the test here, each of us in our own way – granting us all a glorious opportunity to put various facets of his teachings to work.

The author then lists about 15 different tests related to staying at home for Rosh Hashana 5781, or trying to get here, and succeeding or failing, and lists different teachings from Rabbenu that are linked to each one. It gave me so much chizzuk to read it, and I’ve asked permission to reprint the whole article here. But in the meantime, you can go to the Breslovnews site and read it in situ.

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Then I read about the global Tikkun Haklali, which is recited every Erev Rosh Hashana in Uman, and will be read again tomorrow too, at 12pm Israel time, 5am New York Time.

I will be your shaliach here, for that Tikkun Haklali.

Just be sure to recite it wherever you happen to be, at the same time, and have in mind that I’m your shaliach in Uman for that prayer, and God will consider it as though you said it here.

Even though the forces of evil have mamash succeeded in keeping us all apart on the physical plane, in so many different ways, tomorrow we can still have spiritual achdut.

We can still join together in prayer, each in our own little corner, and bind ourselves to the tzaddik and to Hashem, and to the kibbutz here in Uman.

The Tikkun Klali in Uman will be broadcast live tomorrow here:

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Gosh, I can’t wait to be rid of this difficult year.

BH, 5781 will be so much better.

We will be rescued from all serious illnesses and dangerous journeys, and moshiach and geula will finally unfurl the sweet way.

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Let me end by asking forgiveness for anything I wrote here that upset any of my readers in any way.

I’m definitely still a work in progress, and my middot are sometimes really bad, sorry.

Also, I forgive anyone and everyone unconditionally for anything they said or did to me this year, including the a-holes that hacked my site.

I forgive you!

And may we all have a sweet, blessed 5781.

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UPDATE:

I got permission from the Breslovnews.com website to republish the article in full. Here it is:

By Reb Yaakov Klein of the Lost Princess Initiative – The Lost Princess Initiative

I know that people feel very passionately about the subject at hand. I have listened to and processed many of the arguments on both sides, having been back, and forth, and then back again myself. At the end of the day, I don’t know whether there is a clear “right” or “wrong” on the Uman issue. As R’ Chaim Kramer put it, “I can’t tell you to go and I won’t tell you not to go.” To my knowledge, there is no prophet in this generation who can definitively tell us one way or another. A person who approaches the conversation with an open mind will find that there are plenty of fair points on either side. But without trying to answer The Question of “what is one to do” – something Rebbe Nachman himself always shied away from (see Chayei Moharan 430) – the reality is that by virtue of the varied opinions, propensities, proclivities, circumstances, and personal feelings on the matter, the “Uman-goers” have been divided into many camps this year.

When I reflect on the insanity of the current situation and the multifarious experiences centered around the issue of Uman 2020 within the Breslov world, I get the feeling that Rabbeinu HaKadosh is putting us to the test here, each of us in our own way – granting us all a glorious opportunity to put various facets of his teachings to work.

– Those who feel compelled to travel at all costs are being charged with “conquering Hashem” by not capitulating to His decree (Sichos HaRan 69 and Likutei Moharan 124), and doing their utmost to overcome any barriers that stand in their way. (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 46, 48)

– Those who travel only to be turned back are being charged with rejoicing in the knowledge that they tried their best and that the main thing is the desire. (Sichos HaRan 12)

– Those who feel that this is simply not the year to go to Uman must hold firm to the tzaddik’s declarations that “fanaticism is not necessary”, and that “even while acting with simplicity, it is forbidden to be a fool,” (Sichos HaRan 51) as well as his teachings against obstinacy. (Chayei Moharan 431)

– Those who have sacrificed to spend Rosh Hashana with Rabbeinu and indeed managed, with great personal difficulty, to arrive in Uman must try their best to judge favorably those that didn’t even make an attempt, seeking to find the good points even in what – from their perspective – represents a gross miscalculation. (Likutei Moharan 282.)

– Those stuck between borders, faced with lines of impassive soldiers with riot gear as their children cry for water, are charged with finding the presence of Hashem even in the dark clouds of their suffering. (Likutei Moharan 33, 115, 195)

– Those who endure unspeakable waiting times along their travels to the resting place of our Rebbe are granted an opportunity to fulfill the teaching of “Hamtein”, putting their Breslover patience to work. (Likutei Moharan 6)

– Those who will, for the first time in decades, be spending Rosh Hashana away from Rabbeinu’s kibbutz and far removed from the spirit of the Breslover chassidim, must try their very best to remain joyous within their situation (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 24), hold tight to their faith in Hashem’s hashgacha (Likutei Moharan 250), and think only positive thoughts on Rosh Hashana. (Sichos HaRan 21)

– Those who are utterly confused, frustrated, and angry over this issue and can’t seem to find Hashem in any of this are charged with putting the Rebbe’s lesson of “Ayeh” to the test (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 12) and allowing the tzaddik’s silent songs of faith to reveal Hashem’s presence within the void. (Likutei Moharan 64)

– Those who will be joining together with other Breslover chassidim in special minyanim throughout the world are given the opportunity to truly believe that – as Reb Nosson taught – wherever Breslover chassidim gather, Rebbe Nachman’s spirit hovers upon them.

– Those who have been subject to ridicule by those who can’t possibly understand the unique Breslover Consciousness are charged with remaining silent in their experience of shame (Likutei Moharan 6) and judging the bullies favorably. (Likutei Moharan 277)

– Those who find themselves in the strangest, most God-forsaken places along their journey toward the place of their yearning are given the opportunity to remember that wherever a person travels, there is something for him to fix in that specific place. (Sichos HaRan 85)

– All are charged with taking responsibility for the collective suffering of our world (Likutei Moharan 4), with calling out to Hashem in personal prayer to request the final redemption (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 25), and with dancing the broken-hearted dance of humility to sweeten the judgments (Likutei Moharan 10).

– All are charged with crying tears of hope and joy (Likutei Moharan 175), believing that no matter where we might end up this Rosh Hashana, that’s exactly where we were supposed to be – because this is all part of Hashem’s master-plan. Like puppets in the hand of the master Puppeteer, all we know is that in the end it will be good, because despite all outward appearances, Hashem is running the world “better and better” all the time. (Sichos HaRan 307)

– All are charged with feeling the sheer power of this particular tzaddik’s spiritual-gravitational pull on thousands of souls in our generation (Likutei Moharan 70) – to the point that many were compelled to make sacrifices that so infuriated others solely because this degree of commitment to a cause (something they are personally unable to fathom) makes them a bit more uncomfortable than they are willing to admit.

In sum, we are once again experiencing the realization of Rebbe Nachman’s promise that “I will make you into many groups.” (Chayei Moharan 319) But at the end of the day, no matter where you stand on this glorious spectrum of heated debate and sensitivity, we are all bound with the spirit of this singular tzaddik whose life-giving waters flow in a great many directions. So no matter where we find ourselves this Rosh Hashana, let’s hold tight to these teachings with great joy and unity, roaring like animals in the field – as Rabbeinu wanted – for a time when the light of Hashem and His tzaddikim will envelop the world in a wondrous blanket of illumination with the coming of Moshiach, b’mheira b’yameinu.

ASHREINU!

 

When I first got to Uman, pretty much no-one was wearing masks.

But then, Israel’s Orwellian health ministry started dictating to the Ukrainians that what was going on in Uman wasn’t ‘good enough’ to enable thousands of Jewish pilgrims to come for Rosh Hashana.

The argument went like this:

You need to turn Pushkina into a mini-masked police state, like we have in religious neighborhoods in Israel, and if you get the Breslovers to agree to that, then we’ll consider letting a few more chassidim out to pray in Uman this year.

And so, over the last few days, Pushkina has gradually turned into a police state – but only for Jews.

As soon as you leave the small area where the Jews are to be found, most of the masks disappear, and most of the ‘rules’ about COVID-1984 disappear, too.

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Of course, there was never any intention to let more Jews come and daven in Uman for Rosh Hashana, at least, not for the Israeli government.

Just as they have made every effort to truly wreck the high holidays in Israel itself for its observant citizens, it has spared no expense or effort to wreck the kibbutz in Uman, too.

A big part of that was introducing the black metal ‘snake’ path in the tomb itself, which meant that none of the men could stand and pray, and they all had to shuffle along the ‘snake’ quickly reciting the tikkun haklali once before getting told to leave.

Let me tell you – that totally wrecked the energy and the atmosphere you usually get by the kever.

Even in the women’s section, we could immediately feel the difference. And of course, it didn’t help that any time someone was chutzpah enough to actually try to pray a shacharit, minchah or ma’ariv there, the Ukrainian ‘VIP Security’ guards would try to shut them down – and then call for back up from the Ukrainian police, if they couldn’t manage it.

That’s why a few days, a small group of people dismantled the ‘snake’.

And while they got a lot of official censure for doing that, I have to tell you that most of the people here agreed 100% with their actions, at least in theory. Because the ‘snake’ was swallowing all the kedusha.

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But, the health ministry waved the ‘carrot’ of letting more Jews in if we all sat back and agreed to masks, and social distancing, and the ‘snake’ in the Kever – and all the other pointless COVID-1984 propaganda that’s been gushing out of the State of Israel – and so the snake came back.

This time, it was joined by industrial amounts of cling film, as Rabbenu was vacuum-packed into a number of tiny ‘cubicles’, which make totally no sense from a germ-prevention point of view, but since when was any of this really about public health?

At the same time, health ministry officials started popping up in local shops and in the local hotels, to bully the proprietors into wearing masks – and forcing their customers to do the same.

Instantly, the religious Jews of Uman developed visible ‘pariah’ status, as they walked around in bright blue surgical masks while the Ukrainians did not.

Very soon after that, signs started to appear in some local shops in Uman saying ‘Chassidim aren’t welcome’, while the local non-Jews also started to worry that the frum Israelis were disease-carriers after all, and started shunning us and eyeing us more suspiciously than usual.

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So, the State of Israel’s plan to wreck Uman 5781 has been proceeding magnificently.

On the one hand, they barred thousands of Jews from getting here, including the unfortunate – but amazing! – Jews stuck in no-mans land between Belarus and Ukraine.

They were sleeping out in the cold for a 3rd night yesterday, and while the State of Israel is totally refusing to help – because it’s an anti-semitic regime that oppresses religious Jews – the Belarussian government has stepped into the breach.

As well as providing massive tents and access to the Red Cross and food from Uman, packaged by the Breslov philanthropist Eliezer Shiner, may God bless him, the Belarussians have offered to pay for buses to Uman, and to also pay for the pilgrims flight back home to Israel.

So far, the State of Israel still isn’t budging, and is demanding the pilgrims fly straight back to Israel from Belarus, while also engaging in a smear campaign to  make out like these brave people ‘deserve’ starvation and sleeping rough surrounded by armed Ukrainian soldiers.

I mean, if they were going to Crete for Rosh Hashana that would be something else!!! The fact that they were trying to get to Uman makes them totally hefker, irresponsible and bad. And the State of Israel is going to punish them for attempting to celebrate Rosh Hashana in any spiritually meaningful way!!!

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So, there are currently just a couple of thousand Jews here in Uman, as opposed to the 50-60,000 that regularly come.

And at the same time, we have all the retarded COVID-1984 farcical rules, imported wholesale from Israel, to try to ‘kill’ the atmosphere here and scare people away from praying in the kever.

Take a look at what was going on in Uman this time last year, for Rosh Hashana 5780:

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And now, this is the scene I photographed this morning in Pushkina, where there was about 3 scary looking Ukrainian police guards with truncheons, for every chassid on the street:

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What a difference!

But here’s the good news.

(You know that good news always comes out from Uman, don’t you?)

If you check in Lesson 2:8 of Likutey Moharan, Rabbenu talks about a ‘serpent’ that eats all the good in the world, but then tries to ‘eat’ the True Tzaddik – and that is the ‘bone’ that gets stuck in its throat. And at that point, it’s then forced to regurgitate every last bit of good that it swallowed, from the beginning of time.

Rabbenu is the bone in the throat of that ‘snake’.

That selfsame lesson also talks about the importance of Rosh Hashana, and the awesome tikkunim that the True Tzaddik can achieve on Rosh Hashana.

That is the stage we are at.

The COVID-1984 ‘snake’ has wrapped itself around Rabbenu, mamash.

But when Rosh Hashana is ushered in, he’s going to utterly crush it into the ground.

And by Yom Kippur, things will look VERY different, especially in Israel.

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So hang on, and keep praying for the chassidim stuck in Belarus, and on other borders to get here before Rosh Hashana.

All the mesirut nefesh to get here this year means each person is worth at least 100, if not a 1000.

Spiritually, we HAVE reached the 40,000 people required to crush COVID-1984 – there are at least that many people who wanted to come, and who were totally prevented to by the State of Israel.

But, its time is nearly up.

So ain shum yeoush be’olam klal.

After Rosh Hashana, the power of the snake will be totally broken.

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As ‘lockdown’ draws closer, I’m feeling that there is nowhere left to run.

Since Pesach, I’ve basically been trying to keep one step ahead of the Corona Fascists, and all their nefarious schemes for using COVID-1984 to impose their controlling agenda on the world.

I hate being controlled.

I hate being policed.

I hate having my basic freedom to walk places, to breathe fresh air, to visit holy sites, to get out in nature, to meet up with friends, to pray – curtailed.

And I’m also pretty scared about the motives and agenda behind all this ‘control’ and false COVID-1984 narrative, which makes it even harder to deal with the day-to-day Corona Fascism.

For the last few months, I’ve been trying to run away from the ‘control’ anyway I can.

But here in Uman, it’s finally starting to dawn on me that I am running out of places to run to.

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The plan today was to try to take a cab to Rabbi Natan’s grave in Breslov, and then to carry on to the Baal Shem Tov in Medzhiboz.

Yesterday, I walked out on Pushkina to try to find a cab. Usually, there are 5 people every square foot, asking me if I want to exchange money or take a cab. Yesterday, there was no-one. Maybe, it had something to do with the group of 4 masked Ukrainian police who have now taken up permanent position on the corner of Pushkina, where you head down into the tomb.

They just strike me (and everyone else…) as menacing, so we’re all kind of staying away from them.

A lot of the taxi guys are working in the black economy, off the books, so I guess they are also being scared off.

Point being, I couldn’t find a cab to order for Medzhiboz.

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This morning, I woke up early to see if I could arrange a cab now instead.

But I found myself kind of stuck to my sheets with a sick feeling that it took me a while to pin down as ‘fear’. I’m scared to leave Uman. I’m scared to leave the sanctuary of Rebbe Nachman. Things are so changeable, I don’t want to find myself somehow trapped outside of Uman (even though we have a rental here now through Rosh Hashana), or having to deal with the Ukrainian authorities again.

So, it looks like I’m not risking going to the BESHT after all.

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After some consideration of why I’m feeling so stressed all the time, I came to realise how much pressure I feel to keep things ‘working’ in my family unit.

Thanks to Corona Fascism, I have spent the last 6-7 months in close proximity to my husband and children, with very little break. Even though as soon as the last lockdown was lifted, I went all over the country to maximise the ‘freedom’ I had – and encouraged my kids to do the same – the idea of being ‘stuck’ with my family, with no escape, is still very hard for me.

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I knew they were going to lockdown in Israel before Rosh Hashana. 

They were threatening that for months, it’s always been part of “the plan”.

And at least in part, the knowledge of that encouraged me to run off here, to Uman, although clearly there was also a big aspect of being ‘pulled’ to Rabbenu, too.

Today, I’m realising that I can’t keep running away from the difficult feelings all this COVID-1984 stuff is bringing up in me.

The last few months, I’ve run away into cooking, I’ve run away into nature, I’ve run away into turning out one book after another and work, I’ve run away into gardening – a million different things.

And here in Uman, it’s finally dawning on me that I can’t keep running. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m lost.

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Underneath all this, is the knowledge that I find ‘home’ a very difficult place.

‘Home’ for me was always a place I wanted to escape from, and while I’ve done a lot of work on myself since I was married to transform that tendency, so my kids wouldn’t end up as psychos, I can see there is still a stubborn nub of fear of being at home, and of being with my family, that has resisted all efforts to shift it.

At the end of the day, God is the One who is running this COVID-1984 show.

God is the One who is putting me – and all of us – under this tremendous pressure. God has an outcome He is trying to achieve, and end in mind, a goal to reach.

For me, it’s finally making my peace with just ‘being’. ‘Being’ at home. ‘Being’ with my family. Not constantly running to the next distraction, the next escape hatch.

That’s very hard for me to accept.

It’s very hard for me to handle.

But increasingly, I’m seeing that the only way I can really get away from this ‘fear of being’ is to stop running away, and to turn around and face it down.

Holding God’s hand.

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