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In a few hours time, I’m probably going to have someone with a broken leg come and stay on my couch for a week.

He’s someone that we met around a year ago, when my kids started making friends with a whole new crowd of kids that can be succinctly called ‘chareidi-world dropouts’.

When we first met these kids, they were kinda scary, if I’m honest. Angry young men smoking two packs a day and trying very hard to evince a ‘cool’ persona, as part of the defense mechanism they evolved to try to deal with a harsh world.

But over time, the defenses started to melt, and underneath I realized that these kids have some of the biggest hearts, and biggest souls, in the world.

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The main reason they ‘dropped out’ of chareidi society is because at home or at yeshiva (and often both…) they were subject to some really bad bullying and emotional manipulation.

I wrote a little about that HERE, but I want to return to this subject today, because chareidi or not, it’s relevant to all of us right now, and very relevant to the question of what it’s going to take to get out of the ‘Covid 1984 cult’, as a people.

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If you’ve been with me for long, then you already know that as well as writing this blog, for a few years I was regularly writing and researching the links between mental, physical and spiritual health, too.

I learned a whole bunch of what you’d call ‘alternative therapies’; I bottomed out what was ‘kosher’ and what wasn’t – which you can basically sum up as anything that there is a scientific explanation for, however ‘woo-woo’ it may seem initially, is kosher.

And then, I went and wrote a few books to sum up this new-found knowledge, including Talk to God and Fix Your Health, and more recently, People Smarts.

All this is directly connected to questions of ‘who is Erev Rav’, and questions of why people act the way they do, because what I discovered during the course of all this learning and research is that

Traumatic experiences dramatically affect a person’s personality.

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So, if a kid has to leave home and live on the street, or the beach, for a couple of years, because it’s just too hard to be at home, the trauma of this whole experience can radically warp their personality, and leave them permanently in ‘stressed’ mode.

And when people are in ‘stressed’ mode, they act angry and aggressive. Or they panic and become commitment-phobic (or more socially ‘acceptable’, they become workaholics and busy-a-holics). Or, they sink into the ‘freeze’, zombified state that is most commonly referred to as ‘depression’.

Or, they become superficial robots, scared to be different, scared to provoke a reaction from the bullies that have been controlling and manipulating them since they were born, and lose touch with their real emotions and neshama.

All these things happen, when we’ve had to deal with a lot of trauma that wasn’t processed properly.

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Now, let’s circle back around, and see how all this fits together with the guy on my couch, and Covid 1984, and Rabbi Berland and his community being ‘excommunicated’, and the Bnei Brak lockdown, and the Erev Rav.

The guy on my couch is super-sweet.

When we came back to Israel and had to go into two weeks of isolation, this was the person that made sure we had milk in the fridge and some food to eat in the cupboards, before I managed to figure out online supermarket shopping.

He came every day and checked in on our rabbit – for nearly 4 weeks!

He watered our garden.

The guy on my couch also has what you’d call a ‘mild mohican’ haircut, and (used to….) drive a motorbike very fast.

If you met him on the street, you’d probably be a little intimidated, especially a year ago when he was still very ‘macho’.

Because of all the trauma he experienced in the chareidi world, he finds it very hard to do things like keep Shabbat, or stay in a house for any length of time. Before Covid 1984, he and his friends used to spend a lot of time living by rivers up North, and just spending weeks camping out by the Kinneret.

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Two weeks ago, he had an awful accident on his bike, where he was really lucky to come out of it alive. He broke his leg in 9 places, now has platinum pins holding his bones together, and is in a tremendous amount of pain.

Last week, he also kept Shabbat for the first time in a very long time.

It’s been a very harsh wake-up call, but I can see the underlying kindness in it, because this guy was so ‘scared’ of being trapped in a house, in a home, that he’s been pushing off getting married, and pushing off settling down, for a few years.

And God wants that to change.

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Last year, he started getting his act together, and he went back to school to complete his matriculation – that happened just before Rosh Hashana. The plan was for him to start studying to be a mechanic, but thanks to Covid 1984, it’s been a little stuffed-up. But in the meantime, he’s in a program that arranged for him to room-mate in Jerusalem, with a few other ‘chareidi drop-outs’ like him.

One of the guys in his apartment is an aggressive, manipulative bully.

Long story short, spending time stuck in that apartment is doing my little Mohican buddy a LOT of harm, spiritually, emotionally and physically. And that is why BH, I’ve invited him to come and spend a week on my couch, so he can start to really heal from everything he’s gone through.

Now, what does this have to do with Covid 1984, Bnei Brak and the Erev Rav?

Let’s try to set it out clearly.

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A few years ago, I wrote a book called Unlocking the Secret of the Erev Rav, where I pointed out, with lots and lots of sources, how it’s totally unhelpful to try to categorise ‘Erev Rav’ as being a specific group of people.

I wrote that book because I was getting sick and tired of all these people online claiming that only Israeli politicians, only left-wingers, only Democrats, only secular people could be Erev Rav.

That’s patently untrue.

‘Erev Rav’ refers to a collection of very negative character traits that include cruelty, immorality, bullying, stirring up trouble, shocking, two-faced hypocrisy, holier-than-thou-itis, greed for money and power, controlling other people, and a few other things besides.

All of us have at some of these traits, at least some of the time, in varying proportions.

The more we work to overcome these negative character traits, the less ‘Erev Rav’ we will be.

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Yesterday, I posted up a link to a message from the daughter of the kabbalist Rabbi Chaim Dovid Stern, where she made it clear that the MAIN consideration of who is going to be around to greet Moshiach is not Torah learning, or length of beard, or yichus (more on this in a moment…) – but the way we treat our fellow Jew.

Or to put it another way, how careful we are about not hurting other people, and trying to do kindnesses for them.

On that score, my Motorbike Mohican buddy – and many of his friends – are light years ahead of the frum parents, rabbis and teachers who treated them so badly in the chareidi world.

Or to put it another way, Bnei Brak, Modiin Illit, Beitar Illit – and all those other chareidi cities that are currently being discriminated against in the most awful ways by this anti-semitic government need to make a lot of teshuva in the area of the mitzvoth bein adam l’havero.

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(Shuli Rand, below, is summing up what I’m talking about, in a different way:)

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If those communities had been ‘solid’ on these mitzvahs – and particularly the different Breslov factions of those communities – they would never have bought into all the slander and lies being told about Rav Berland and his community.

And the Rav being ‘excommunicated’ by a Beit Din in Bnei Brak is the main reason that the city of Bnei Brak is being singled out for the harshest punishment now, as part of the Covid 1984 eugenics agenda.

But of course, that excommunication was just a sign, a symptom, of the much deeper malaise that has been infecting the frum world for years and years.

Even centuries.

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Here’s where we get into ‘crazy’ territory.

The last few weeks, I’ve been absorbed in some deep level research about the real roots of the so-called ‘Illuminati’, and how that links up with the Frankists, and with the Rothschilds / Jewish bankers, and with the State of Israel, and also, sadly, with the chareidi community.

I’m still putting the pieces together, and it’s been an extremely challenging project, but one thing I can already tell you:

A lot of secret believers in the cult created by Shabtai Tzvi – both in the Sephardic and the Ashkenazic world – have been part of the externally frum religious community for approaching four centuries.

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These people have a few different hallmarks.

  • They are obsessed with yichus (especially, with being related to King David).
  • They practice endogamy – i.e., they are careful to only marry within their own extended families, because they only want to marry other ‘believers’ in the cult of Shabtai Tzvi.
  • They cause controversy and arguments wherever they go.
  • They are arch hypocrites – pretending be the strictest of strict on the outside, in order to hide their secret Shabbatean connections and beliefs.
  • They are frequently engaged in – and covering up for – extremely immoral acts, behind closed doors.
  • Their teachings actually pull people away from God, and a genuine soul connection to Judaism.
  • They rule their communities with bullying tactics and intimidation, encouraging a ‘cultish’ atmosphere where no-one can challenge authority or ask questions.
  • They are into cronyism big time. People don’t hold important positions because they are worthy of those positions. They hold positions because of who they know or who they are related to.
  • They are obsessed with money, owning property and materialism.
  • They have some very solid ‘links’ to elements in the secular and non-Jewish world, frequently co-operating in ways that seem hugely surprising to outside observers, and are often ‘praised’ by the secular and non-Jewish world and held up as being ‘model examples’ of how frum people, frum rabbis should be.

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I could go on, but we’ll stop there for now.

I know this is highly controversial information, so I’m trying to share it as gently as I can.

But the point is this:

While there is so much good within the chareidi world, and so many people who are tzaddikim, and truly salt of the earth, good Jews, so many of the leaders and educators in that world – same as in the secular world – are people with very bad middot, who have created a society where a lot of unhealthy attitudes have flourished.

Like, keeping appearances. Like, putting yichus ahead of personal qualities. Like, controlling people, and trying to force conformity with manipulation and threats, instead of open discussions and appreciation of other people’s individuality and free choice. Like, doing things for personal gain and selfish agendas, ahead of what’s really best for the wider community.

This is exactly what the secular government is now trying to do to us with all this COVID-1984 manipulation, lies and propaganda.

It’s all midda kneged midda.

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So, let’s sum this up.

When we write that the frum community has to make teshuva for how they treated Rav Berland and the Shuvu Banim community, clearly we’re talking about the unhealthy, anti-Torah, anti-emuna attitudes that have taken hold there that enabled all the ‘anti-Rav’ sentiment to flourish.

The guy on my couch couldn’t stay in his community because he couldn’t stand the hypocrisy, the superficiality, the keeping up appearances, and the bullying behavior and insensitivity to the deeper levels of the human soul that he experienced there.

These attitudes and behaviors have penetrated deep into the frum world, because for the last 400 years, so many of the rabbis and communal figures in the Jewish world have been secret believers in the cult of Shabtai Tzvi, which has very strong links to the world of Jewish finance – and by extension, the Illuminati.

This cult has infected both the Sephardi and Ashkenazi worlds; it’s spread its tentacles into every area of Jewish life, both orthodox and ‘progressive’; it’s present in the State of Israel, but equally present at all levels of communal life in Jewish communities in the Diaspora; it includes the most virulently secular AND the most virulently ‘religious’ (externally);

And it’s characterized by immorality, finger-pointing hypocrisy, greed, power-seeking and a disregard of other people’s feelings, basic human rights and sensitivities.

That’s what we’re up against.

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Covid 1984 is just coming to clean house.

No-one can think it’s ‘OK’ to force other people to stay locked-down, or masked-up, or to ‘force’ vaccinations on other people unless they have already been ‘brainwashed’, in some way, by an unhealthy society.

That’s why we’re seeing these ‘brainwashed’ individuals – who are often outspoken bullies – on all sides of the equation.

But it’s time to stand up for ourselves, and for God, and for the holy, Divine-given free choice that each of us has, and which defines us as human beings and Jews, and to draw the line in the sand.

And the starting point is to begin working on our own bad middot, and to stop buying the line that ‘our community’ doesn’t have any problems, and that ‘Erev Rav’ can only ever be the other guy, the other family, the other side of the argument.

Because that’s just not true.

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You might also like this article:

It’s so strange.

I am sitting here, with no idea what to do with myself.

This is highly unusual – I’m a person who nearly always has a project going on, and the only time I take a break is for a couple of days in between starting the next thing.

But at the moment, I’m finding it hard to motivate myself to really ‘do’ anything. I know it’s the uncertainty. I also know that it’s the fact that every single person in my family is still in my house.

And that’s mamash cramping my style in a million different ways.

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I’m a person who likes to listen to one song, obsessively.

If I like a song, I can easily listen to it six times in a row – and I like to do that. But no-one else likes to listen to my songs six times in a row, so I can’t do that right now, and it’s grating.

(I won’t do that on ear-phones because I listen to the music while I’m doing things like washing up, hanging washing etc, not just hanging out by PC for half an hour listening to music.)

I’m also a person who likes and needs my own space.

I don’t like company 24/7. I’m a writer, sometimes my soul really craves solitude and peaceful contemplation.

That is also part of the reason that my writing is drying up at the moment, because I just am not getting that ‘alone’ time, and where in the past I used to go for long walks to grab it for myself, I can’t really do that because of the coronafascists, that are demanding I mask-up 24/7 while in the fresh air.

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Baruch Hashem, I’m in a pretty big house at the moment.

God really gave me such a present, because we moved to this house a week before COVID-1984 took off, and at the time I couldn’t understand why I’d had such itchy feet to leave the last place.

Very quickly, it became obvious.

This place has 2 floors… and a garden…. And a mirpesset…. And a few other little places where you can hang out, even in bidud (quarantine) and just breathe a little.

So I’m very, very lucky.

But I’m still finding this hard going.

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Usually, I can bang out articles in half an hour flat.

I started writing this 2 hours ago, and then I had to stop to give someone a lift somewhere, and then I had to stop again to help someone else find something online, and then I got distracted by a ‘big conversation’ that was going on.

And now I’m writing this as my eardrums are being blasted to oblivion (again….) by my teenagers’ loud music. Like, really loud.

Sigh.

It’s all just avodat hamiddot isn’t it?

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Friday, I got so frustrated with one of my kids who phoned up to ask for a lift after I’d been telling her the whole week that if she DID want me to get on her Friday, she’d have to let me know by Thursday pm, so I could arrange my Shabbat cooking schedule accordingly.

Thursday we spoke, and she told me:

Yah, mum, I’ll make my own way back, don’t worry.

Are you SURE???????

I asked her.

Because if you change your mind last minute, it’s not going to be pretty….

Yah, yah, I don’t need you to get me tomorrow, it’s fine, mum.

She lied.

At 12pm, Friday, I get another phone call from this same kid:

Err, mum can you come and get me??

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Usually, I really try to be as flexible as possible, especially in these strange COVID-1984 times.

But I just couldn’t. I got so angry at her that I just put the phone down for a minute and pretended that the connection had gone awol, so I could collect myself and not say something I’d regret for the rest of my life.

Long story short, I didn’t go to get her.

And then, I spent the next three hours trying to deal with the overwhelming feelings of rage and anger that suddenly started stormin’ up like a Category 5 Hurricane Rivka.

Man, it was SO hard.

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I simply didn’t talk to anyone in my house, for 3 hours.

Because I was scared that if I said anything, anything at all, it would be really bad.

And in the meantime, I cooked and I asked God to help me, and I tried to not get even more upset when my food started coming out not so good, because I was in such a bad mood.

God, how much longer????

How much longer do I have to stay cooped up with all these retarded people, having to cook all this food all the time, and having to tidy up all the time because there is always so much mess, and washing, because everyone is here, and having to listen to THEIR music all the time, and having to keep working on all these bad middot that keep bubbling up with the constant aggravation and irritation and low-level fear about what’s coming next….

Ad matai?!?!??

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The answer was:

At least a few weeks more, and maybe a few months more, because THIS is the real test, Rivka. THIS.

Hanging out with your family and doing nice things for them and not killing them and working on your own bad middot.

THIS is the real test.

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So, that’s when I realized that I really can’t let the anger and rage burst out and rule me, because it looks like there are many more weeks, if not months, of this test to go. And if I turn into Genghis Khan, it’s going to make it so much harder for absolutely everyone around me.

[Picking this up another hour later, as a kid needed a tremp somewhere.]

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Someone just sent me two recordings.

One is of Rav Pinto essentially saying that what is happening now is very similar to how the holocaust began.

First, there was some ‘low level’ anti-semitism, and then – 7 million Jews got killed.

And then, there was another recording in Hebrew, which you can listen to for yourself HERE:

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This was from the daughter of the famous kabbalist from Bnei Brak, Rabbi Chaim Dovid Stern.

She says that Adar is going to be a very tough, scary month for the world.

That lots of people aren’t going to make it.

And that lots of people that everyone thinks are ‘tzaddikim gemurim’ with big beards and kippahs, and who apparently learn a lot of Torah, are amongst those who won’t be around to greet Moshiach.

When the interviewer asked her why not, Rabbanit bat Stern was very clear:

The whole test is bein adam l’havero – how we treat our fellow man.

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If someone is learning Torah, but abusing their wife verbally and emotionally – they won’t be here to greet moshiach.

If someone is a big Rosh Yeshiva, a leading rabbi, but they are going around stirring up trouble, and getting into arguments with the neighbors all the time, or causing strife and bad feelings wherever they go – they won’t be here to greet moshiach.

All of us have so much teshuva we need to make, particularly in the area of our bad middot and how we treat our fellow Jews.

And top of that list is what’s going on behind closed doors, with our spouses and kids.

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So today, I told one of my girls:

Dearie, it’s suddenly dawned on me that we are probably going to be hanging out together for at least another five months. Prepare yourself mentally, because THIS is the test.

THIS.

To be with our families, without distractions, maybe also without a whole lot of parnassa, and with a lot of external worry and stress, and to still treat them nicely and considerately.

Man, that’s a test.

A massive test.

But with Moshiach truly imminent, it’s slowly dawning on me that that’s the whole point.

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UPDATE:

Daisy just sent me a link to this video (not shmirat aynayim friendly, but well worth listening to:)

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Vera Sherav is a medical doctor and holocaust survivor, who has been fighting for human rights against the medical establishment for decades.

The main point she makes is that we have to stand up for ourselves, and to protect ourselves from people who don’t have our best interests at heart, and to stand up to the bullies that are pouring out of the woodwork, under cover of Coronafascism.

This is connected to all the bad middot I’m talking about above.

When we stop making excuses for our own manipulation of others, and using threats and scare tactics to control others, and forcing others to put what’s good for us ahead of what’s good for them – that’s when we’ll be able to get out from under the jackboot of this Coronavirus dictatorship.

It’s midda k’neged midda.

And once we fix our own middot, the madness will finally stop.

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It’s hard to follow that advice when you’re a visible Jew in the middle of the Ukraine…

There’s a popular ‘theme’ that’s taken TikTok – and other social media – by storm, which involves people doing suspicious things, all the while muttering ‘don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious’ to themselves.

Every now and then, my kids have shown me a take on the ‘don’t be suspicious’ theme that particularly tickled them, like a dog running down the road while ‘don’t be suspicious’ plays in the background’ or people walking funny; or doing ‘suspicious’ things like painting their sister’s bedroom walls deep black.

Yesterday, Baruch Hashem, we got back from almost a month in the Ukraine, and if I had to pick a theme for our trip there, it would be: don’t be suspicious.

That’s pretty much what I was telling my kids ten times a day, as tried to make the best of our 3 ½ week odyssey in Uman.

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Bits of the story you got from the blog, but it was only when I finally got home late last night – and promptly had a small but significant nose bleed – that I started to realise just how stressful the last few weeks really were.

You should know something about me:

I hate breaking the rules.

Maybe it’s a throwback to being raised in anally-retented Britain, but unless I have a very powerful reason to not obey a rule, I will do what I’m told. So it is, that I’m one of those rare people in Israel who will pay everything I officially owe on my taxes; and who won’t illegally dig out a 200 sqm basement for my house; and who won’t claim benefits I’m not owed, or try to board buses or trains without making sure I have a paid ticket.

But the last few weeks, the ‘rules’ have been bent so many times by all these corrupt government and officials all over the world, that even I am finding it hard to abide by them.

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When I booked my ticket for Uman, on August 26th, 2020, the Ukrainian government had just announced that it was closing its borders to tourists from August 29th, 2020 – thanks to the pressure being applied to it by Netanyahu and Gamzu, ahead of Uman, Rosh Hashana 5781.

It took me and my family the best part of a day to run through airports in Israel, France and Portugal before finally making it to Kiev in the wee hours of August 28th – almost a full day ahead of when the airports were meant to officially close to tourists.

In other words, I was travelling totally legally.

But the State of Israel pressured Ukraine to close its borders illegally to religious Jewish pilgrims on their way to Uman for Rosh Hashana, 24 hours before Ukrainian law said they were to close.

And so, when I landed in Zhuliany Airport, my and my family were treated like criminals by the Ukrainian border guards.

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We watched one non-Jewish, non-religious tourist after another get released before us.

We were left until last, and the border guards forced us to sign an illegal deportation order – in Ukrainian – without telling us what it said, then they told us that our ‘free’ flight back to Israel would be at 10am that same morning, Friday, August 28th, 2020.

They totally lied.

Around 9am, after we’d already been waiting in the closed business lounge of Zhuliany for 4 hours, and still no information about our ‘flight back’ to Israel, I went to find out what was going on.

Wait until 10am, I will have more information for you, is what I was told.

At 10am, I found that the ‘information’ was that the border guards ended their shift at 10am, so then we would become someone else’s problem to deal with.

At that stage, I started to panic, and them me and my kids started calling everyone we could think of, to help us out of a situation that we did not create, and did not expect, but which was 100% the fault of the anti-semitic State of Israel.

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Over the next couple of hours, we tried all the people you are meant to try, when you’re ‘in trouble’ abroad.

The message we got back from the Israeli embassy in Ukraine is that we were totally on our own, with no sympathy from them, and that’s what you get when you try to get to Uman for Rosh Hashana when the State of Israel doesn’t want you to go.

Initially, Chabad in Kiev also wasn’t prepared to help us at all, and we even got a message from Uman that the Rav there also couldn’t do anything for us.

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Never mind, that we’d been detained by the Ukrainian government illegally.

Never mind, it was Shabbat in eight hours and we didn’t have ANYTHING we could eat in the airport. Never mind, that the Ukrainian guards were becoming increasingly nasty to us, culminating in taking us out in a bus to the middle of the airfield, where 7-8 armed guards basically laughed at us, while a Rottweiler was set loose to circle the bus and keep us inside, mamash like those films you see from the shoah.

One of my teens secretly filmed that sadistic episode.

It’s only when one of my kids got in touch with a friend back in Israel who has some serious protektzia and sent her that ‘holocaust clip’ that things started to move, a little. That’s when we got a call from the Israeli consul that they’d arranged for Chabad Kiev to bring us some food for Shabbat, if we would order it from a local kosher restaurant and pay for it ourselves.

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In the meantime, I found out there were no direct flights to Israel from that airport, ever.

I also found out that the next indirect flight out to Israel was departing via Minsk, Belarus, on Sunday afternoon – almost 72 hours later.

My heart sank.

But I still bought the tickets, because at least then I knew I could get out of the airport then.

In the meantime, friends back in Israel were galvanizing other more sympathetic and helpful members of Chabad, Kiev; and unbeknownst to me, my husband was also making a powerful public case for the 120 pilgrims who had been similarly trapped by the State of Israel’s dirty tricks in Kiev’s other main airport, Borispol.

20 minutes before Shabbat, some massive miracle happened and we were summarily given permission to leave Zhuliany.

In the taxi that took us to the kosher hotel in Kiev, after 2 days of trying to keep it all together, the tears finally welled up, and I cried for a good 10 minutes.

Even though I really did know that God was behind everything, and even though I was really trying to have emuna, and to believe that everything was going to turn around for the best, it was still a very traumatic experience.

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Over Shabbat, I had a full and frank discussion with my family about whether we should just go home on Sunday, as planned, or now continue on to Uman.

In the end, we decided that staying together as a family was the over-riding consideration, so with a heavy heart, I continued on to Uman – at 3am in the morning, to try and avoid the roadblocks we’d heard a rumor the mayor of Uman was threatening to set up around the town.

Honestly?

I was also really scared to go anywhere near a Ukrainian airport again.

And on top of that, the State of Israel was issuing one threat after another about forcing people who went to Uman into ‘Corona Motels’ as soon as they landed back in the Aretz, and forcing them to have triple nasal swabs, and forcing them to have a number tattoo’d on their arm so they’d be easier to track, when they returned…

O, sorry. One of those things I made up.

But it all meant I was in no rush to fly back to Ben Gurion.

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So anyway, we got Uman, and the whole time I was basically trying to tell my loud, conspicuously Israeli teenagers don’t be suspicious!!!

Don’t speak Hebrew too loudly in the street, don’t draw attention to yourselves, don’t do anything that could get us in any trouble with the Ukrainians!!!

Some hope.

Every time we passed a body of water, I’d have a fight with one of them not to just jump into it fully clothes, like she does back in Israel.

And I’d have a fight with one of them to not barter too rudely with the local vendors and taxi drivers; and not to start cursing the ‘anti-semitic Ukrainians’ too loudly in English, or even in Hebrew, which many of them actually understood pretty well.

Meanwhile, other of my teenage cohorts were off buying massive-bladed hunting knives for their friends back home, while they kept getting stopped by the police asking them if they smoking marijuana and trying to pat them down. They weren’t. Not even a little bit. But they look like they could be.

Let’s just say, I spent a lot of time in the Ukraine clapping my hands, to ‘sweeten the judgments’.

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Nevertheless, the first two weeks we were there, it was basically OK.

True, we still got suspicious looks from the locals at the market, although some of the Ukrainians were actually pretty friendly, truth be told. It’s hard to dislike people who are spending their money at your stall, although clearly still possible.

We branched out a little, and went to Gan Sofia – the local landscaped Victorian park and lake – a couple of times; and to the Baal Shem Tov and Rav Natan’s graves, another day.

Medzhiboz and the Baal Shem Tov was actually a pretty depressing experience this time around.

My and my husband were outnumbered 3:1 by the Ukrainian workers cementing in ancient fragments of graves around the ohel, and we ended up spending just a scant 30 minutes by the BESHT.

There was something kinda creepy of being in that graveyard alone, with only Ukrainians for company, despite the BESHT’s obvious kedusha.

Rav Natan’s grave was a better experience, at least for me, and I managed to grab hold of my soul for a few moments, amidst all the ongoing worry and fear about the situation.

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But by the third week, the State of Israel’s propaganda about frum Jews being ‘disease vectors’ for COVID-1984 had gone full throttle, and was being amplified throughout the local press in Uman.

Market vendors made sure to pull their masks way up over their nose, when I approached their stalls to buy potatoes or fruit, now.

Shopkeepers eyed us suspiciously.

Roadblocks appeared at both ends of Pushkina Street, and all of a sudden, the Ukrainian police presence in Uman conspicuously shot through the roof.

Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious…

I kept telling my kids, like a mantra.

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One of them got me 100% – she was picking up the growing ‘anti-semitic’ vibe herself, and was increasingly desperate to get home.

The other one is just 17, and still retarded. So it was much harder to keep her in ‘low profile’ mode, and not trying to mouth off to the four different types of police officers as she hung out with her new friends on the corner of Pushkina.

There were:

  • The ‘standard’ Ukrainians police, who are there all the time and basically 100% bribable by the locals, so pose no real threat.
  • The ‘VIP’ guards of the kever, appointed by the Breslov committee when they were trying to ‘COVID-1984’ Rabbenu 2000%, to try to persuade the State of Israel to let more pilgrims in, especially those stuck on the border of Belarus. They weren’t really scary, even when they were bundling people out of the kever for the ‘crime’ of standing still to pray mincha, as they were being paid for by Jews.
  • The all-black ‘ninja’ police, who conspicuously carried real blackwood truncheons, and had a bunch of scary looking tattoos and liked to ‘amuse themselves’ by shadow boxing by themselves off down a side alley. I hated walking past those guys, especially at night.
  • The black-with-raspberry-beret police, who stuck me as being paramilitary, and probably unnerved me the most, as they hung out in packs next to the free coffee place on Pushkina.

====

On the flight home, I found out there was a fifth group of ‘yassamnikim’ police from Israel, who are basically Ukrainian-Israelis, and who look VERY scary, with their shaved heads, tattooed biceps and special rucksacks that have the emblems of Ukraine and the State of Israel entwined together.

There were only 3 of them this year, and I have to say that wearing a mask AND A VISOR on the plane home kinda dulled their ‘hard man’ status, at least for me, but on the streets of Uman, they were probably still imposing.

====

So, with all that police muscle walking around, I spent at least an hour every single day drumming into my family’s head: don’t be suspicious! Don’t be suspicious!

But honestly?

A Jew in galut is always ‘suspicious’ to the locals, and can never really feel as though they are ‘home’, even somewhere as holy as Uman.

====

There was so much good that came out of the trip, even though it was so hard in so many ways.

My kids now understand way more what a present we gave them, when we moved to Israel.

As a family unit, we all also learned how to tolerate and appreciate each other more – especially when we’d be stuck in the house for long periods of time, basically feeling too intimidated to really go out anywhere.

Now I’m back in Israel in the middle of Jerusalem, in the middle of another deceitful lockdown, in the middle of an enforced two week quarantine where I am forbidden from leaving my house, I’m sure that experience will come in handy.

Also, the second day of Rosh Hashana just felt really light and happy, in Uman, as though the decrees all got sweetened.

====

There’s always so much I can write about Uman, especially this trip, especially this year, but I think I’ll stop there for now.

By the time Rosh Hashana 5781 started, the ‘snake’ that had been devouring the kedusha at Rabbenu’s tomb had been totally dismantled, and most people had ditched their masks, most of the time.

It felt to me as though Rabbenu has dismantled COVID-1984, as I so hoped he would, and that now it’s just a matter of time before ‘COVID-1984’ – and the evil people behind it – also crumbles to nothing in Israel and the rest of the world, too.

If Rav Berland is right, already by Yom Kippur, there should be a strong light at the end of the tunnel.

This lockdown is set to continue until October 9th – the last month of pregnancy.

Between here and November, I think a lot of things are going to happen, BH including the open revelation of Moshiach.

But whatever is on the cards, one thing is clear:

It’s going to be a big year.

====

PS: Now I’m back home, and finally starting to decompress from the events of the last month, I hope to be more responsive on my blog, and via email again. Thanks for your patience, dear friends and readers. It’s been a really stressful time.

====

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As ‘lockdown’ draws closer, I’m feeling that there is nowhere left to run.

Since Pesach, I’ve basically been trying to keep one step ahead of the Corona Fascists, and all their nefarious schemes for using COVID-1984 to impose their controlling agenda on the world.

I hate being controlled.

I hate being policed.

I hate having my basic freedom to walk places, to breathe fresh air, to visit holy sites, to get out in nature, to meet up with friends, to pray – curtailed.

And I’m also pretty scared about the motives and agenda behind all this ‘control’ and false COVID-1984 narrative, which makes it even harder to deal with the day-to-day Corona Fascism.

For the last few months, I’ve been trying to run away from the ‘control’ anyway I can.

But here in Uman, it’s finally starting to dawn on me that I am running out of places to run to.

====

The plan today was to try to take a cab to Rabbi Natan’s grave in Breslov, and then to carry on to the Baal Shem Tov in Medzhiboz.

Yesterday, I walked out on Pushkina to try to find a cab. Usually, there are 5 people every square foot, asking me if I want to exchange money or take a cab. Yesterday, there was no-one. Maybe, it had something to do with the group of 4 masked Ukrainian police who have now taken up permanent position on the corner of Pushkina, where you head down into the tomb.

They just strike me (and everyone else…) as menacing, so we’re all kind of staying away from them.

A lot of the taxi guys are working in the black economy, off the books, so I guess they are also being scared off.

Point being, I couldn’t find a cab to order for Medzhiboz.

====

This morning, I woke up early to see if I could arrange a cab now instead.

But I found myself kind of stuck to my sheets with a sick feeling that it took me a while to pin down as ‘fear’. I’m scared to leave Uman. I’m scared to leave the sanctuary of Rebbe Nachman. Things are so changeable, I don’t want to find myself somehow trapped outside of Uman (even though we have a rental here now through Rosh Hashana), or having to deal with the Ukrainian authorities again.

So, it looks like I’m not risking going to the BESHT after all.

====

After some consideration of why I’m feeling so stressed all the time, I came to realise how much pressure I feel to keep things ‘working’ in my family unit.

Thanks to Corona Fascism, I have spent the last 6-7 months in close proximity to my husband and children, with very little break. Even though as soon as the last lockdown was lifted, I went all over the country to maximise the ‘freedom’ I had – and encouraged my kids to do the same – the idea of being ‘stuck’ with my family, with no escape, is still very hard for me.

====

I knew they were going to lockdown in Israel before Rosh Hashana. 

They were threatening that for months, it’s always been part of “the plan”.

And at least in part, the knowledge of that encouraged me to run off here, to Uman, although clearly there was also a big aspect of being ‘pulled’ to Rabbenu, too.

Today, I’m realising that I can’t keep running away from the difficult feelings all this COVID-1984 stuff is bringing up in me.

The last few months, I’ve run away into cooking, I’ve run away into nature, I’ve run away into turning out one book after another and work, I’ve run away into gardening – a million different things.

And here in Uman, it’s finally dawning on me that I can’t keep running. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m lost.

====

Underneath all this, is the knowledge that I find ‘home’ a very difficult place.

‘Home’ for me was always a place I wanted to escape from, and while I’ve done a lot of work on myself since I was married to transform that tendency, so my kids wouldn’t end up as psychos, I can see there is still a stubborn nub of fear of being at home, and of being with my family, that has resisted all efforts to shift it.

At the end of the day, God is the One who is running this COVID-1984 show.

God is the One who is putting me – and all of us – under this tremendous pressure. God has an outcome He is trying to achieve, and end in mind, a goal to reach.

For me, it’s finally making my peace with just ‘being’. ‘Being’ at home. ‘Being’ with my family. Not constantly running to the next distraction, the next escape hatch.

That’s very hard for me to accept.

It’s very hard for me to handle.

But increasingly, I’m seeing that the only way I can really get away from this ‘fear of being’ is to stop running away, and to turn around and face it down.

Holding God’s hand.

====

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It’s not against COVID-1984, or against corrupt government officials.

The real war to be fought here is against our own bad middot, and especially our tavot mamon.

Ukrainians are notoriously stingy. Like, notoriously. We have been charged by a taxi for wanting to turn the airconditioning on, we’ve been charged extra for towels, extra for toilet paper, extra for taking especially big gulps of air (ok, that last one is a lie.)

Point is, money is definitely what makes the world go round in the Ukraine.

====

The landlord we’re renting from here in Uman is actually OK, as Ukrainians go, and has shown me a few kindnesses in the two days I’ve been here. He gave me pegs (for free…) He gave me bin bags (for free…) – but he was careful to tell me that I could only throw the bin bag out when it was totally full. And he’s also careful to let me know when the toilet flush gets stuck, so I don’t waste a grivna of his money on that trickle of unnecessary water.

A grivna is worth approximately half a cent.

And Ukraine is totally awash in water – it’s literally everywhere.

I’m not like this at all, so living in close quarters with such a stingy person is proving quite eye-opening. Not least, it’s showing me how very stressful it is, to have people like that around, always looking over your shoulder and critiquing your spending, like an in-house accountant. And it’s also showing me how much unnecessary pain and suffering all this stinginess and tavot mamon (lust for money) is bringing to the world.

====

This morning, our landlord finally managed to rent out the unit next to us.

The group of 8 Israelis who rented it got a really good deal, because our landlord is scared no-one else is coming out to Uman this year.

(He’s wrong, but he doesn’t know that yet.)

Usually, beds like his, in this location, in a reasonable apartment like his, go for at least $500 a head. This morning, he let the group have it for $180 a head, but he made the same condition that he made with us, that no-one else could come round to flat unless they were renting a bed in it.

I understand that condition.

I know it’s coming partially from a stingy place, but I also understand that the temptation to sneak another person in to sleep on a spare bed without paying may prove too strong for many people.

Long story short, the group invited two more people to come eat with them just now who aren’t renting there – and the landlord showed up, and asked them to pay more money.

They refused.

And then, instead of working it out like grown ups, the group of 8 decided to stand on principle and to leave. 

It was 6.30 at night, and their chances of finding somewhere else to sleep or rent right now are pretty small.

And for what? A few extra dollars? Whatever they think they saved, it’s going to cost them way more in hassle and effort.

====

This morning in the kever, I opened Rebbe Nachman’s Tales to the story of the Master of Prayer, where the Master of Prayer was taking the people of the Land of Money to task, for devoting their whole life to money.

Retarded people!!! Don’t you understand money is a tool, it’s a means to an end, not an end in and of itself!!! Why waste so much effort, so much energy, trying to conserve a couple of bucks, or trying to squeeze a couple more bucks out of other people?!?

(Clearly, I’m paraphrasing what Rabbenu said here.)

I have seen so many people sour relationships and cause massive emotional damage to others, especially their children and spouses, by making their money, their bank account, their principal priority in life.

Personally, I am at a stage that I literally can’t stand all this stingy ayin hara over money any more.

I can’t stand the people who criticise others for spending a little bit more on their groceries; or for giving some charity to askers who can’t be proven to be 100000% ‘kosher’; or who make it a big ‘mitzvah’ to try to screw prices down so hard (or inflate them so high) it literally hurts.

I can’t stand those people.

====

Recently, I read a prayer from the Rav, Rabbi Berland, which set up a clear correlation between the trait of stinginess and the ayin hara. People who have the first invariably have big problems with the second.

And that’s the whole war that we’re fighting right now, to convince all those people living n the Land of Money to finally give up on their false beliefs and destructive ideology.

Money is for spending.

Money is for sharing.

Money is for building the world, not boosting your investment portfolio.

Rebbe Nachman teaches very clearly that before Moshiach comes, anyone who has a lot of money will be totally shamed and disgusted by the money itself.

All those millionaires and billionaires, who could have helped so many people, done so many kindnesses, but preferred to continue to suck everyone else dry, and to take bribes, and to promote the agenda of evil in the world, just so they can have a few more zeros in the bank.

And what about us?

How much are we also stuck in the Land of Money, putting our savings ahead of helping our kids, or inviting guests for Shabbat, or even buying ourselves a new frock for the chag?

====

Money as we know it is about to disappear.

That’s why the tests involving money are becoming so sharp.

And that’s why God is checking us so carefully right now, to see how caught up in the lust for money, tavot maimon, we really are.

The more of us can kick free from it, and start to trust more in God and less in our savings and ability to manage money, the easier this next stage will go.

So, I give us all a blessing that we will replace our stingy, ayin hara with a generous ayin tova. That we will want to give to others generously. That we won’t worry about spending what we need to, in order to live and to celebrate Jewish holidays, and give ourselves and our families what we really need.

Because when enough of us get out of the Land of Money, Moshiach will come.

====

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This morning, the world felt like a really heavy place.

I woke up, went to get some oatmeal and lentils from the Uman outdoor market (a place I never went to before, in the last 14 years of coming to Uman…) and the whole of Pushkina just kind of felt weird and quiet.

Later on, I found out why.

On Monday, a local visible Jew had gotten beaten up by locals at the end of the street  – right next to the supermarket I went to yesterday, without knowing what had happened the day before.

The guy had lived here for 10 years and knows the city. But thanks to Gamzu and Netanyahu’s efforts to turn the local populace against frum Jews, as being an unhygenic ‘public health’ threat, the guy was punched in the face badly enough that he bled profusely from his nose.

Thanks, State of Israel!

====

There was other weird stuff, too.

The 10 year old who runs the local kosher makolet suddenly got super makpid that everyone should wear a mask, if they wanted to come in and shop. When someone asked him why, he explained the police had been round ‘enforcing’ masks.

Thanks, State of Israel!

Also, there were a few clearly not Jewish people trying to shop (suspiciously…) in the kosher shop, and it seemed clear they were undercover Ukrainians working for the government, to check if the ‘dirty Jews’ were keeping the ‘hygiene laws’ properly.

Heyyy, wait a minute. Where have I heard that before?

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8428324_In_the_Name_of_Public_Health_-_Nazi_Racial_Hygiene

The history of Nazi racial-hygiene policies and eugenics reminds us of the importance of guarding against the use of genetics for the purpose of discrimination.

====

Then, I went for a walk down Pushkina towards the lake, and I saw that the road had been dug up, like you would dig it up if there was a pipe that needed replacing.

But I peered down the 2 metre deep crevice dug horizontally across the bottom of Pushkina, and I can tell you there is nary a pipe in sight. It dawned on me that the roadblocks that the Mayor of Uman (also paid off by the State of Israel) has been threatening to implement for weeks already had finally arrived.

There was a smaller hole dug at the other end of Pushkina, too, as a matching pair.

====

Then, my kids got weird, as they’d heard back on the Israeli grapevine that the State of Israel is intending to dump everyone who comes to Uman into a COVID-1984 hotel upon return to the country.

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I told them.

If the government lasts even 12 hours beyond Rosh Hashana 5781, I’ll be very surprised.

Because already by this afternoon, the Uman see-saw had swung back to optimistic again.

There were people back in the streets. There was music. The atmosphere lightened up considerably.

I don’t know what happened to change things around, but you could definitely feel the spiritual fight-back throughout the whole of Jewish Uman.

They won’t win.

They won’t win.

They are fighting Rabbenu now, and there is just no way they will win, this time around.

====

In the meantime, my landlord kindly showed up at the door with my ‘washing machine’ for the next 3 weeks – a big plastic bowl.

I was actually very grateful to him, as there is no laundrette here, and I only bought enough underwear to last a week.

This trip is teaching me the value of all the ‘small things’ I take for granted every single day.

Like, having a washing machine.

Like, being able to buy a kosher loaf of bread whenever I want – in so many different styles.

Like, being a Jew in a Jewish country, even though that country is far from perfect.

For sure, there will be more lessons to learn.

You can’t spend 3 weeks solid by Rabbenu without something massive shifting around.

And that thought is exhilarating – and also kinda scary.

====

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

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The facemask fascism has now followed us here.

If you read my blog on a regular basis, you’ll know that I totally don’t buy into all the propaganda around ‘why we need to wear facemasks’ – or all the propaganda about Covid-1984, generally.

As soon as I hit Ben Gurion in the wee hours of Thursday morning, I was forced to wear a mask – over my nose! – pretty much non-stop (except in the toilet cubicles) through Charles de Gaulle and Lisbon airports, until we hit Zhuliany airport in the Ukraine.

There, we noticed a curious thing:

Hardly any of the Ukrainians were wearing facemasks at all, and very few of those who were wearing them were wearing them over their noses.

That was a silver lining amidst all the difficulty of being detained in Zhuliany airport for 17 hours, that at least no-one was enforcing full-on facemasks. That would have been unbearable.

==

When we got out to Kiev, I saw that less than one in 10 Ukrainians were wearing facemasks on the street – and my heart leapt with joy.

For the first time in months and months, I could walk around the streets without peering over my shoulder waiting for the Corona-fascist cops to fine me for not wearing a mask.

It was the first time I could really ‘breathe’ outside for about 4 months, as I live in Jerusalem where Corona Fascism is unfortunately flourishing.

We had the same sense of freedom when we first got to Uman, early Sunday morning. In the shops, some people were wearing masks, most people weren’t, and no-one was enforcing anything.

Already by today, that’s all changing.

Facemask fascism has caught up with me in Uman, and when I went to the pizza shop today, they were marking out the retarded ‘2 metre social distancing’ measurements on the floor with pink stickies.

Sigh.

==

At the kever of Rabbenu, big signs popped up like so many red and white mushrooms, telling us all to wear a mask, because the Rosh Hashana gathering in Uman depended on us being seen to follow the rules, and the fate of millions and billions of people were hanging on whether Rosh Hashana in Uman happens this year, or not.

At least with that last point, I couldn’t argue.

Rav Berland said a few weeks back that if 40,000 people got to Uman this year, the whole Corona plandemic would be cancelled and obliterated.

Halavai.

==

Just now I was in the women’s section by Rabbenu, still trying to get my head together after having 4 straight days of no sleep, 17 hours of incarceration at Zhuliany airport, one shabbos with 120 male chassids all squished into one hotel in Kiev, and (the most difficult of all…) approaching a week non-stop of spending time with my family.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, my kids, my husband and my daughter’s ‘plus one’, hopefully bashert.

But this morning, I started to feel so wobbly again inside.

God, when does this madness end? Not just the madness of me now being in Uman for three weeks, totally on the back foot and unprepared for that, but all this general madness, of feeling pursued by Corona fascism wherever in the world I go?

That’s how it feels at the moment, that I can’t get away from the tyranny, the obvious ‘bad’, the obvious evil that is happening here.

==

In Jerusalem, I tried to insulate myself from the madness by stocking my house with enough basic food staples to last us a month, if it had to, so we could wait out any ‘storm’ without having to go outside.

And now…. I’m here.

And all my couscous and tuna is there.

And here…. I don’t even know how the sugar looks, or have an oven to cook in.

These are small things, but today I felt them overwhelming me.

I am so unprepared for this. I can’t look after my family properly. I don’t have a washing machine, I don’t have any tea towels, and I’m here in Uman for 3 weeks over Rosh Hashana….

==

God has been very good to us.

We managed to rent a really good place within a couple of hours of arriving (apparently, that’s unheard of for Rosh Hashana, but with all the uncertainty, we probably found it easier than otherwise.)

In terms of Uman, Rosh Hashana, we are in a 3 roomed mansion that’s new, clean and has a big (traif…) kitchen. But the stove and sink are easily koshered, so I’m already cooking here, and there’s no oven to worry about in any case.

I’m two minutes from the kever, and our landlord is grumpy, but apparently one of the better Ukrainians we could be dealing with.

I know in so many ways I’m so lucky to be here.

And at the same time, my soul is just so very tired of all this, and can’t take any more of it.

==

Just now, I was in the kever and Shula, that permanent fixture of the ladies’ section, rushed in to tell us that we had to past the mivchan (the test) tomorrow.

Apparently, the president of the Ukraine is coming tomorrow, to check that we’re all wearing our masks and keeping our distance and praying in the retarded ‘capsules’ they’ve now set up on the mens’ side of the kever.

If we pass the test, word is they will open the borders to religious Jews, and Uman Rosh Hashana 5781 will happen after all.

Halavai.

==

Sigh.

Dear readers, my whole world is so upside down at the moment. I’m living in a country where a hand-turned wooden chopping board costs less than a single kosher bread roll, where the chickens are as big as ostriches, where the cucumbers look like prickly cactii, and where I have no idea where the ‘me’ is really meant to fit into this equation.

A woman in Uman in Rosh Hashana, with my two girls.

My laptop is at home in Jerusalem, with all the login info I need for my emails.

My books are there.

My garden is there.

My friends are there.

My baking equipment is there.

What am I doing here?

==

I guess God will show me when the time is right.

But in the meantime, events of the last week have really pushed me to the edge of my koach, and my ability to manage.

BH, Rebbe Nachman will help me to find the strength to bounce back.

==

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Mum, I’m worried about you. You’re always forgetting what I told you. I think you have alzheimers….

====

Over the last few months, my youngest daughter has been making this statement a few times a month. It annoys the heck out of me, not because I’m in ‘alzheimers denial’, but because I keep explaining to her that when people are totally stressed out of their skulls and preoccupied, it’s hard to remember anything.

Stress damages the brain, at least temporarily, and we all know just how stressed we’ve all been, in a billion different ways, the last year.

So yesterday, she started up with that again and I glared at her, and started to feel a bit upset and angry that she was apparently deliberately winding me up again…when I was in the middle of trying to get another one of the Rav’s books done and sent out…and in the middle of trying to figure out how Beirut’s port being exploded is somehow connected to the new Haifa port being built by the Chinese (completed 2021…) and the shadowy new ‘deal’ the US has apparently just struck for Syria’s oil (CO-IN-CID-ENT-AL-LY on the same day the explosion happened in Beirut….)

…and trying to wash up and do a few other things to keep the house ticking over….

When it struck me what the real problem was.

I haven’t been giving this kid enough time and headspace.

====

She’s a good kid, really lovely in so many ways.

But she’s like her dad, inasmuch as that part of the gene pool has a tendency to give over BIG things in very small ways. I have the opposite tendency. I exaggerate for effect, I make a point with pyrotechnic prose – and so, I have been totally missing all these ‘big’ things she’s been telling me in her gentle way, as they haven’t come wrapped in melodrama.

That means she tells me something, and I don’t really pay much attention to it, because it’s not exciting enough to compete with the corrupt Mossad, and what I need to get from Mahane Yehuda for Shabbat, and a million other things.

So then, I’ll ask her again: where are you going tonight? Are you here for Shabbat? You said you do want pasta for supper, or not?

And then she’ll hit me with the ‘alzheimers’ speech, because in a way she’s right that I am forgetting about things. But really, just one thing: her.

====

As usual, I didn’t feel so fabulous, emotionally, after I realized what was going on.

I had a few minutes of that raw despair that only a parent can feel. You know what I’m talking about. We want so much to be everything our children need us to be, to give them what they require to grow up feeling loved and emotionally-healthy and connected to God and their souls – and yet sometimes, we just can’t do it.

God, I have no energy for this…

Rivka, are you saying you have no energy for her?

(God always goes right for the jugular.)

That brought me up sharp.

Of course I have energy for her! My kids and my husband are my #1 priority!!!

(In theory.)

====

In practice, the last few months my kids and my husband have fallen far down the totem pole again, overlooked in the midst of a million books being written, and a million trips ‘out’, and a million hours researching what’s really going on in the world.

====

I turned off my computer.

I went upstairs to where my kid had retreated to her room, and I tried to start a conversation.

I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you enough attention recently. What can I do for you, that would be nice for you? Can I take you somewhere? Do you want to go shopping?

Ima, why do you feel like you always have to just buy something or do something?!

She asked me with that particularly infuriating arched teenaged-eyebrow of disdain.

(Upset teenagers always go right for the jugular.)

====

I fought down the knee-jerk response to try to hurt back, swallowed a couple of times, then ‘fessed up.

Sometimes, kid, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes, it’s very hard for me to just ‘be’. So I retreat into doing stuff and going places, because that’s often easier than just sitting here trying to be ‘real’ with you.

What I really wanted to tell her is that every time I wash her clothes, make her food, wash out the cereal bowl that was left for a day in the heat so the grains could all harden onto it like some sort of ceramic decoration – without having a go at her for doing that –  that’s a small declaration of love.

Sometimes, those small declarations of love are all I can manage, because despite the fact that I’m 46, and officially ‘old’, I also feel lost and overwhelmed a lot of the time.

Even when there is no ‘COVID-19’ in the picture.

====

Ima, do you want a hug? She suddenly asked me, out of nowhere.

Of course I want a hug…

And just like that, the connection was re-established.

====

The rest of yesterday afternoon, we just hung out talking about the small stuff that looms very big in a teenager’s life, and I made a mental note to boost spending time with my teens well up my ‘to do’ list from here on in.

I have one more book to do for the Rav left on my list, before I take a proper sabbatical: One in a Generation #3.

It’s a huge amount of work in every sense of the word.

When that teen likes to really go for the killer blow, she’ll tell me in full-blown teenage troofer mode:

You care more about Rav Berland than you do about me.

In her worldview, she sees me spending hours, weeks, months and years on his books etc, for free, and she sees how engrossed I am in my writing, often to the exclusion of her. What can I tell her?

Those books are changing the whole picture….they are sweetening everything…they are helping Moshiach to come the sweet way…

She is a hardcore teenage troofer.

The more I try to explain about the Rav, the more she tells me to my face that I’m just a card-carrying cult-member-lunatic. I get zero kudos for doing all this stuff. That kid just thinks its conclusive proof I’m a retarded frier-ite.

====

Doing all the stuff for the Rav is so important.

But even so, my kids and husband still have to come first.

It’s a tough balance to strike, it’s a very narrow bridge to walk on.

And I got reminded again yesterday, that being a loving parent is sometimes the most challenging job in the world.

====

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It’s hard to back down, when we find ourselves on the wrong side of an argument.

It’s embarrassing, often excrutiatingly so, and if we were raised in homes where mistakes were not tolerated, and personal attacks occurred whenever we were ‘wrong’, then admitting we maybe made a mistake when we are adults can get really, really hard.

But if we just relate to all this ‘COVID-19’ stuff as the ‘end’, spiritually, and not just the means to a different type of end, we are missing the whole point.

Who is arranging all this COVID-19 pantomime, from behind the scenes?

God.

Why is He doing that?

There are lots of potential answers to that question, but one very big one is that God is currently putting all of us through a massive character test.

This whole thing boils down to a test of middot.

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Middot in Hebrew literally means ‘measures’. The ‘measure’ of a human being is how they treat other people, how morally they behave, how good their character traits really are.

And right now, we are in the advanced PhD masterclass of middot testing, where it’s impossible to fake, or cheat, or bluster your way through the process.

Last week, someone sent me a shiur by a popular Rabbi that was buying the COVID-19 scare-story, replete with ‘wear your mask, or you’re evil!!!!’ messaging.

The person who sent me that shiur was probably quite surprised to hear that message coming from that person. I wasn’t. I’ve had dealings with that guy for years and years and years, and while he talks a good game, when push came to shove his middot and his emuna were nowhere near where he likes to pretend they are.

So, COVID-19 is just bringing all his hidden lack of emuna, and his hidden addiction to secular news, and his hidden fallen fears up to the surface.

And it’s doing it across the board.

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Same thing applies to why we are all being ‘locked down’ with our immediate family members.

I guarantee that for every person who has realised just how much they really do love and miss ‘Bubby and Safdie’, there are at three who are starting to own the uncomfortable truth that they are actually way happier having more space away from certain, controlling, family members.

COVID-19 is cutting through all the pretend good manners, all the socialized conditioning, and is laying bare what is really underneath.

Same goes for our kids.

You can’t spend approaching 6 months (!) under this type of mega-stress, day in, day out, and keep up any sort of pretence within your immediate family unit.

Either you really do have patience, or you don’t.

Either you really do have emuna and a strong belief that God is running the world, or you don’t.

Either your interactions are more about giving to others, or they are more about taking for yourself.

And at this point in the process, all these measures of our true character, all these middot are starting to be very clearly recognisable.

And for a lot of people, it’s pretty shocking.

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Baruch Hashem, I’ve known for years that I have a lot of fear, and a very short temper, and that I can also get very controlling when feeling ‘stressed’.

So Baruch Hashem, I’ve been working on these issues – and more! – for years and years and years, to try to tackle them and make life livable for the people around me.

Naturally speaking, I have no patience. And I have no tolerance. And I can get wound up very tight, very fast.

But unnaturally, because I’ve been doing an hour of hitbodedut every day for over a decade now, God has been helping me to get a grip on all these bad middot, and to start to defuse them.

Baruch Hashem!

Because if He hadn’t, there would probably be blood on the floor of the Levy household by now.

(BTW, if you want a shortcut to defusing your anger, the Rav wrote an excellent short booklet with some information and prayers on the subject, that I’ve now gone through twice, and each time it’s really helped me to get a grip on my anger again. You can pick that up, very cheaply, HERE.)

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That’s also what all the trips to the kivrei tzaddikim is about, and all the visits to Rebbe Nachman’s grave in Uman.

The whole thing, really, is just about getting a grip on my bad middot, so that the real me, my holy soul, can start to shine out in the midst of all that murk.

And that’s really the whole point of this COVID-19 manufactured crisis.

Whether we believe in masks or not, believe in vaccines or not, believe that Trump is the ‘Edomite messiah’ or not (‘scuse me while I snort into my cup of tea) – this whole thing really just boils down to how strong our relationship to God really is (aka ‘the test of emuna’), and how we treat other people (aka ‘the test of good middot’).

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Today, whilst waiting in the line outside the bakery, I bumped into one of my old good friends from University.

We fell out of contact for 20 years, and while I’ve seen here once of twice around the streets of Jerusalem, it’s only ever a two minute chat these days, and that’s not enough to break the ice again.

But, it’s better than nothing.

So when I spotted her, I went over to where she was standing, with her mask under her chin, to say hello. As I approached, she pulled her mask up over her nose (mine was still under my chin).

Don’t do that just for me! I told her.

I don’t believe in all that stuff!

“I do.” She replied.

And then, we started having a big argument about all the ‘studies’ that show it helps other people radically, and she told me there are no doctors out there who are saying that it’s not necessary!!!

It’s a test of middot.

Once I understood that my poor friend has totally bought into all the lies being pumped out by the powers-that-be and the media, and that I would only embarrass and upset her, if I continued to throw ‘uncomfortable facts’ in her direction, I decided to keep my mouth shut and change the subject.

That’s what I mean, about trying to figure out the real, underlying ‘tests’ going on here. I will debunk things on my blog until I’m blue in the face, and my readers can take it or leave it.

But in my interactions with others, I have to tone myself down, because that is what God really wants.

He doesn’t me being ‘right’, He wants me being humble. And He doesn’t want me winning the argument at any price, He wants me to be reaching out to others, and trying to stay connected to them – achdut – even though sometimes I have to twist myself into 50 pretzels, in order to do that.

It’s hard work.

And I can’t always do it.

But I know, that’s what God wants.

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Back in THIS POST, I set out the timeline for the 9 months when Moshiach is here, but hidden, and where the Nation of Israel is under foreign rule, that’s referred to in both the Zohar (see HERE) and also in the Child’s Prophecy (see HERE).

The process started February 9, 2020, when the Rav was imprisoned.

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February 9 – May 9th,2020 = The first trimester.

That’s when Coronavirus panic was at its height, and here in Israel we were severely locked down for around 10 weeks.

That corresponds to the first few months of pregnancy where everything has changed, internally, and your hormones are totally whacked, and you’re puking up, or sleeping, or feeling just generally strange and out of it – but externally, no-one can even tell there is a baby in the making.

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May 10 – August 9th, 2020 = The second trimester.

That’s when things have usually ‘settled down’ into some form of weird almost normal.

Yes, it’s become clearer that there is a baby on the way, but for most people the puking has stopped, their energy has returned, and they are pretty much just getting on with regular life.

This corresponded to the last 3 months when ‘pseudo normal’ life returned here in Israel, and things mostly opened up again, albeit with masks, coronafascist police, and worrying tyrannical tendencies about using technology to track everyone, and to force everyone to have a ‘vaccine’.

So strange, and not ‘relaxed’, but still a version of ‘life as normal’.

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August 10th – November 9th, 2020 = The third, and final trimester.

In case you aren’t aware, the freemason dictator-in-waiting, Binyamin Netanyahu, managed to pass a piece of legislation two days ago which means that he can abrogate the entire Knesset, and the entire political process of ministerial oversight, to push the ‘lockdown’ button anytime he wants:

This from the Times of Israel:

The legislation allows the cabinet to set restrictions on the public, with the Knesset given just 24 hours to approve or reject the regulations before they take effect automatically. In addition, it includes a clause that allows the cabinet to bypass the Knesset and immediately implement measures deemed “urgent,” without specifying the criteria for making that determination.

I don’t know about you, but given Netanyahu’s hysterical insistence on locking everyone down right from the beginning – based on zero real evidence – that has me really worried.

And do you know when this piece of legislation takes effect?

Yup.

August 10th, 2020.

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In other words, we are two weeks away from the start of the third, and final trimester of the process where Moshiach is hidden, while ‘foreign powers’ continue to rule Israel for 9 months.

(BTW, two big kabbalists are saying the same thing, including Rav Yehuda Sheinfeld, and Rabbi Aaron HaKohen.)

Rav Sheinfeld:

It’s accepted amongst the tzaddikim that we are now in the period of time known as the chevlei Moshiach (birthpangs of Moshiach) – in the final stages. We are in the nine last months of the chevlei Moshiach.

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And the message from the Tzaddik Nistar:

AT THE END OF THIS GALUT, THIS EVIL MALCHUT (LITERALLY: ROYALTY, FIGURATIVELY: GOVERNMENT) WILL SPREAD IN ISRAEL, AND IN THE WHOLE WORLD FOR THE DURATION OF NINE MONTHS.

May we be saved from it, and and may we be redeemed speedily in our days, amen.

Pay attention, that this is beginning with one lockdown, and then another lockdown… Until all of us will be in an absolute lockdown. Don’t say that we didn’t tell you.

Today, it’s still possible to stop this.

Pharoah also started [to enslave] Am Yisrael with soft words.

If we do teshuva, but not completely, meaning with full, heart-felt intention, we will need to complete the relative portion with suffering, the very difficult ‘birthpangs of the Moshiach’, rachmana litzan (Hashem should have mercy).

Therefore, everyone should come, like one man, with one heart, let’s pray together, let’s do teshuva from love, and let’s merit to have geula b’rachamim (redemption with mercy), TODAY! If we will only listen to his voice.

But it’s 100%, that we will not return to the ‘routine’ again.

We are in the final process of geula, Am Yisrael, and how it’s going to come – either with din (harsh judgment) or rachamim (mercy) depends on us.”

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I don’t need to tell you what the last three months of a pregnancy are like.

Extrapolate for yourselves, and know that this is what we are heading into, starting August 10th, 2020.

But take heart!

This is all just a means to a spiritual end, and something very good is going to flower from the ashes of this corrupt world that is currently winding down.

Let’s give the last words to Rabbi Eliezer Berland:

THOSE SIX YEARS FROM 5776 UNTIL 5781, THESE ARE YEARS OF REDEMPTION.

THESE ARE YEARS IN WHICH THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL WILL DO TESHUVA, THE BIGGEST CRIMINALS WILL DO TESHUVA, BECAUSE THERE ARE NO SECULAR IN THE JEWISH PEOPLE, AND THERE ARE NO CRIMINALS AMONG THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL, AND NO WICKED PEOPLE OF ISRAEL.

“These are all just stages in the salvation, it’s all stages in the development of the soul, in accepting the parts of the soul, the biggest gangster in the end will become the most righteous man.”

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I’ve been quoting this passage for four years, and it’s written in the first Volume of One in a Generation I.

We are seeing it play out before our eyes.

So hold on!

But also carry on working on your middot and emuna.

Because that is the whole point of the madness that’s going on with COVID-19.

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Last week was really tough, mentally.

Here in Israel, the corrupt government that is simply the ‘operations arm’ of the vested interests in chutz l’aretz was pushing really, really hard to shut down the whole economy again, and go back into full lockdown.

Their ‘excuse’ was the big rise in the numbers of people testing positive for Covid-19.

Again, the more people you test, the more people you’ll find to have Covid. And that’s assuming that the tests are being done in an honest way, which as the President of Tanzania discovered many weeks ago, is not even the case.

That is why a papaya fruit can apparently have Covid.

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If you look at the numbers of deaths attributed to Covid-19 in Israel, they are totally tiny.

Here’s the latest figures from the Worldometer website, and you’ll see that in the middle of this fake ‘second wave’ in Israel – hardly anyone is dying.

(All this info is coming from the Worldometer site, check it out yourself here).

Here’s the ‘peak’ of the cases from the so-called first wave, back in April 02, when Israel had 765 new COVID-19 cases a day:

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And here’s the death rate from that same period of time, in April, when the maximum daily deaths was 13 old people:

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And here’s the figures from today, first the number of daily cases:

And here’s the number of deaths (apparently from COVID-19, but who knows how all these figures are really being arrived at)- 9 dead people:

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This is not a pandemic, and it’s barely even an epidemic:

https://justthenews.com/politics-policy/coronavirus/covid-19-close-losing-its-epidemic-status-us-according-cdc

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But in the meantime, there’s an agenda to get the whole country shut down again, and to push millions of people into poverty, so they are dependent on government handouts just to buy food, which gives the government a powerful amount of control over what they have to do to keep getting the handouts.

Like, being forced to have a vaccine ‘against Covid-19’.

Like, being told that if they protest against the government, or fail to jump through any of the hoops being set up, however ridiculous, to ‘fight against Covid-19’, they can kiss goodbye to their handout.

David Ben Gurion’s Labor Socialists perfected the art of co-opting people’s human rights many decades ago, by making ‘work’ reliant on voting for Labor and joining the histadrut, and what we’re witnessing now is just more of the same, updated for 2020.

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So, between that, and the ridiculous heavy-handed enforcement of mask wearing – even in the fresh air, even when you’re by yourself, even if you’ve already had Covid and recovered from it many months ago – I started to feel really down and anxious again.

It crescendoed last Thursday, when all the fake science seemed to be working again, and the corrupt Government started sending ‘messages’ via the media that a full, Passover-style lockdown was about to be put in place again.

When I heard that, I panicked.

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Not the same panic I had the first time around, when I stockpiled literally 30 bars of chocolate, and bought every tin of tuna in sight.

It was more the panic of having to shop, cook and clean for a whole houseful of people again, for weeks and maybe months, with no break or let-up.

Now, I love my family a lot. My husband is great, my teens are wonderful, and their friends are likewise (mostly….) amazing.

That said, I’m a solitary writer by profession, and temperamentally, I’m just one of those people who really needs my own space, to not crack up and freak out. Usually when things get to cracking point, I book a ticket to Uman and get my ‘space’ that way.

Or, I’ll book something quiet in Israel for a couple of days, and get my ‘space’ that way.

But when I heard we were going into full lockdown again – after months and months of ridiculous restrictions that are 100% about controlling people and zero percent about controlling Covid – I panicked.

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Because on Wednesday, I asked my husband to book us a Shabbat away, up North, on a frum moshav where there’s a lot of the tzaddikim from the Gemara buried around.

And then it looked like the government was going into ‘lock everyone down from Thursday to Sunday’ mode Thursday night.

And so, I started to feel profoundly anxious and scared again, for a lot of reasons, partially because my ‘space’ looked like it was disappearing again, and partly because it’s so depressing to see how many people are buying all this ridiculous, evidence-free propaganda about Covid-19 and facemasks.

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They want to wear us all down, you know.

That’s what they are really after. They want to create so much yeoush, so much helplessness, so much despair, that we all just wave the white flag and roll over.

Yeah, give me the vaccine that will probably sterilize me (at best…) or otherwise change my DNA permanently and / or kill me! I’m desperate to get out the house and go to the beach again…

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So, the yeoush was starting to build up again, and the anxiety was starting to mount, on Thursday.

Which led me to do a few things, as follows:

  • Chase the printers for the last 100 copies of the Rav’s books, reprinting One in a Generation #1 – because each copy of the Rav’s books that gets physically printed is literally killing millions and billions of shedim and removing harsh judgments from the world.

It’s no coincidence that we were somehow able to print 1,000 books last week, just as they were gearing up to impose another disastrous ‘lockdown’ on everyone.

  • Get more of the Rav’s prayers translated and up on the site.

A few weeks ago, the Rav asked for 10 more prayers a week again, and miraculously, that’s been happening. We have one more batch to go, and then we’ll be able to put out another book, BH, called Rabbi Berland’s Prayers to Have Holy Children.

  • Make an effort to continue my plans to go up North for Shabbat, and to hit every kever tzaddik I could find.

In the end, we visited 13 holy tombs – including Reish Lekish – and then ended up ‘visiting’ the Rav in Tzalmon Prison, too, before we ended up driving back.

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I felt so filled up after doing all that, and some sense of optimism returned.

I came home yesterday night, expecting to hear that we were heading into full lockdown mode and more tyrannical madness again.

Instead, the headlines are making it clear that more and more people are starting to see through this Covid-19 con.

Some MKs are actually starting to demand hard evidence for lockdowns, instead of just pushing the panic button and closing down the whole economy again.

More and more people are protesting, and calling out what’s going on for what it really is: a calculated grab for more power and more control over people’s lives, that has NOTHING to do with public health whatsoever.

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In other words, things are being sweetened again.

The Rav’s mesirut nefesh, and all the books and the prayers are working again, behind the scenes.

And the light at the end of the tunnel has returned.

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POSTSCRIPT:

In between writing this and posting this up, I had a conversation with an old friend who is immune-compromised, and hasn’t been out of her house since March.

She basically told me that anyone who isn’t wearing a mask 100% of the time outside is a murderer.

She literally said that.

We had a big argument about just how much control we really have over ‘COVID-19’ – or any other illness, for that matter – and every time she accused me of ‘not caring about other people enough to wear a mask’ I accused her of ‘not caring about other people enough to want a million people to be unemployed, and unable to put food on the table.’

It was epic.

Even though I kept throwing one bit of science after another at her – about the true death rates, about the fake science about facemasks and social distancing – and even gloves! Yes, she’s one of the few people in Israel who still believes wearing gloves 24/7 is mandatory for ‘fighting COVID-19’, but couldn’t explain to me how that is meant to be helping anyone….

She finally just told me:

“It doesn’t matter what you tell me, I’m not going to change my mind’.

Just like this guy:

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So at that point, I gave up, told her she’s a great person (she really is) and let her ‘win’ the argument by just staying quiet.

Sigh.

This is going to be an uphill battle, still.

Hashem y’azor.

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UPDATE:

Check out this video, which kinds of sums up the facemask problem, and the facts and the science behind this subject, in less than 5 minutes.

https://www.bitchute.com/video/Xv35PMDHqDu5/

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UPDATE #2:

Jeremy M, in the comments section, sent me a link to this video apparently showing a guy wearing a N95 facemask for 15 minutes, with no drop in oxygen levels.

Sceptic that I am, I instantly got suspicious when the video started jumping all over the place, and was clearly cut, then speeded up to be 15 minutes.

You want to ‘prove’ something scientifically? Keep the video running the whole 15 minutes, speeded up, but so that every single frame is accounted for, so we know you aren’t taking your mask off for 20 seconds off-camera before taking an oxygen measurement again.

So, I slowed it down and went frame by frame, and whaddya know? There’s funny business going on here.

Here’s some screen shots, but please, don’t take my word for this. Go do the experiment yourself, and see with your own eyes how we’re being manipulated 24/7 by fake news and ‘fake’ science.

First, let’s remind ourselves of the medical definition of hypoxia, or dangerously reduced oxygen levels in the blood, which occurs from 92% down:

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Now, here’s some screen shots to show how the video jumped around, and how the measurements being shown to the camera were NOT the same measurements actually being recorded. This strongly suggests to me that he was taking the mask off, off-camera, breathing some air to get the oxygen levels back up, then re-masking and remeasuring ‘on camera’.

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This next example is even more blatantly manipulated.

After 11 minutes of wearing the mask (apparently…) the blood oxygen level is clearly showing 94% – just 2% above the level considered ‘hypoxic’.

This measurement is only identifiable if you slow the video way down, and take it frame-by-frame.

But in the next frame where he’s showing the blood oximeter close up to the camera, something strange has happened.

Approximately 25 seconds have gone by which are ‘unaccounted for’ in the video, and the blood oxygen level is miraculously back up to 99%.

He took the frigging mask off, off-camera, for 20 seconds then spliced the video together to show ‘99% blood oxygen’ a couple of seconds after replacing it.

w

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No-one can breathe properly in the N95 masks.

I have one, I’ve tried it myself. I’ve watched other people wearing them, their breathing is labored and obviously lacking a full intake of breath, i.e. oxygen.

This guy is lying through his teeth.

Why, I don’t know.

But watch the video, slow it down, and come to your own conclusions.

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