Tag Archive for: Secret Diary of a Jewish Housewife

So, this will probably be one of my stranger posts.

(There’s a lot of contenders for that title tho….)

Let’s just jump in, shall we?


First, go back and read this post from last year, which I’ve put back up:


And now, let me tell you a weird story that happened in Uman two years ago, and which I didn’t mention before because I didn’t want my readers to think I’m ‘delusional‘.

But hey, too  late for that now, so let’s plough right on!

So, it was the Rosh Hashanah of 5781, when the State of Israel decided no Jews should go to Uman ‘because of Covid’.

Zelensky’s Ukraine closed the gates three weeks before Uman, and my husband the lawyer read the small print on the announcement and saw the exact date the ‘no entry’ would begin. My whole family booked tickets to get there before the close off date.

And then the Ukrainian government lied and said the date had been moved forward 24 hours, while we were in transit to Ukraine from Portugal.

My husband had a seperate flight to Borispol airport, but me and my girls came in, all by ourselves, to Juliani airport – and basically got abused and mentally and emotionally tortured for hours by the Ukrainians, until some miracle happened and we were released 10 minutes before shabbat.

They put us on a bus in the middle of the airfield, with 10 Ukrainian soldiers, and then had a doberman circling the bus so we wouldn’t ‘try to escape’.

Amongst other things.


I got out of that by clapping solidly for an hour.

As per Rabbenu’s advice, on how to sweeten massive harsh judgements.

(I’m ‘delusional’, remember?)


So, we’re in Uman for three weeks, and it was VERY intense.

One day in my hitbodedut, I started thinking about tuning forks. And then, I started thinking about the vibration of music. And then, I got the urge to research it more, and I came across something like this article, which was written back in 2007.


In 1939 Joseph Geobels [sic]( propaganda Minister for nazi Germany)was the first to push for all music world wide to be played and listened to at A-440hz.
He failed.
But in 1953 the Elite had a meeting in london to finally IMPOSE the a-440hz Standard Concert Pitch. And Succeeded.
Prof Dussaut of the Paris conservatory had a poll of over 20,000 of the head classical musicians of france and they all voted unanimously for A-432hz but the Elite does not care what others think now do they?

Chortle chortle!

Crazy conspiracy theorists!


If you go to that link and scroll down, you’ll find a lot of interesting discussions about the difference between 432 hz and 440 hz, and how they may or may not affect human beings, physiologically, emotionally and spiritually.

We won’t get into that right now, but BH, I’d like to cover it in more detail, in a future post.

So, I’m reading how the Nazis tried to ‘change the pitch’ of music…. And how that actually happened in 1953.

And then, I had the crazy idea to go and find a tuning fork somewhere in Uman, so I could change the pitch back.

How was I going to do that?

By banging the tuning fork 18 times off the corner of Rabbenu’s grave, and letting the tzaddik do his his thing.

(Remember, I’m delusional…)


Even for me, this was a stretch.

But I figured I may as well give it a shot, as things were plenty strange enough already, that year in Uman.

I told my husband I had to find a tuning fork, I told our taxi driver, Sergei, and he drove us around looking for one.

There were two music shops in town. One of them told us that ‘some one like you’ (i.e. a Jew) had just come in and bought their last tuning fork. Which was weird all by itself.

(What?! There are two Jews in Uman trying to buy a tuning fork on the exact same day?!)

But the second one still had a tuning fork – and I bought it for the experiment.


Thank God, it was such a quiet year, that I could find a few minutes when no-one was in there.

I banged the tuning fork off the kever 18 times – then I scarpered.

And since then, I have been thinking that somehow, sound, vibration, frequency, it’s got to be the answer to all this.

Because nothing happens at Rabbenu stam.

And especially not that year, at that time.


So, I came home from Uman, and I got my first delivery of tuning forks from the Biofieldtuning store, HERE.

If you’re interested, you can go and read more about the hard science behind ‘sound affecting humans’ on that site HERE.

Here is a screenshot:


I am still working on trying to figure out more ‘specifics’, as it all relates to disabling the nanotech in the shots, but over the last 2 1/2 years, I’ve been using the forks on myself and my family – and in lots of ways, they get things to move.

Across all three levels of body, mind and soul.

BH, I will write more another time, but the Biofieldtuning site – and McCusick’s two books – are a great place to start learning more for yourself.

But the best way to learn is to do the experiment yourself.

So, to that end, here are some of the free offerings on the Biofieldtuning site, which you can experiment with yourself, and see what you think:

Against viruses (including so-called ‘long covid’:

To release pain:

Hearing issues and tinnitus:

Improving resiliency:

Overcoming overwhelm:


These are all free offerings.

Create an account, download them, and see what you think.
(I’m happy to have your feedback, pro and con, in the comments section…)
I will come back to this again, at some point soon, God willing.
In the meantime, as part of the ongoing process of trying to come up with ‘solutions’ for how to heal from all this GO nanotech and DNA origami clot-and-heartattack-inducing stuff in the shots, a reader also sent me something about:

The Wim Hof Method.

This isn’t shmirat eynayim friendly, but it sums up a lot about Wim Hof, and his cold exposure and breathing method of controlling the body’s autonomic nervous system:


First, the good news:
My correspondent, who suffers from a severe, debilitating illness (that she thinks was the first round of what got tried again, with ‘Covid 19’) initially saw some almost miraculous health results, very fast, when she started following the Wim Hof Method.
Like, oedema disappearing over night…. feeling returning to feet that had been 70% numb for a very long time…
Now, the bad news:

Five weeks on, they started experiencing heart arrthymias and chest pain…. and so did two other people who started doing the Wim Hof Method with them, around the same time.


At this point, I’d only been doing ‘Wim Hof’ for two weeks with my husband.

Again, you can go read up about it yourself, do your own research, be aware that he says don’t do it if you are epileptic, pregnant of have cardiac issues.

My experience of the breathing was that it helped me to identify the ‘inner voice’ that keeps telling me to give and stop, and that I ‘just can’t do it’.

Whatever ‘it’ is.

But otherwise, I didn’t like the breathing part very much at all.

But I TOTALLY LOVED the slow introduction to cold showers, and the whole idea that:


So, I ditched the breathing, but I’m carrying on ‘training’ with the cold showers, and I can now do a minute.

Cold showers are very good for improving the body’s circulation, and after the whole thing with my husband’s foot, I’d come to the conclusion that was something to try, anyway.

And it’s probably also helpful, for trying to get ‘clogged’ blood to start to circulate better again, through a ‘clogged’ body.


You can literally die from cold exposure if you try and jump into ice baths without any real practise or slow lead up to gradually getting accustomed to cold.


I was pondering why the whole ‘breathing’ thing bothers me, and what I got to is this:

The Eastern religions, and especially idolatrous ‘yoga’, have hijacked breathing, and teach their adepts that ‘breathing is in our control’.

In Hebrew, breathing – neshima – is very close to soul – neshama.

We are essentially a lump of clay, that had the life, the breath, the neshama blow into us, by Hashem.

Breath is God’s domain, not ours.

I have come to the conclusion that while it’s totally fine to ‘breathe deeply’ a few times, or in a focussed way, as soon as I start to tell myself ‘I’m in control of the breath’ – that’s where I’m going to hit problems.

God is in charge of the breath.

And the best way to benefit from breathing, is to ask God to ‘breathe me’ properly and appropriately, especially when I’m doing things like hitbodedut.

This is a work in progress, and my view might develop, but so far, this is where I’ve got to.


As always, these are just my personal musings, and some suggestions for things you may or may not find interesting to explore more yourself.

Human health works across all three levels of body, mind and soul.

There is no ‘one thing’ you can do that will heal everything, but the closest you get to a ‘magic bullet’ is doing hitbodedut for an hour a day, because then in your hitbodedut, God will tell you what else you need to do, or try or change.

Do your own research, think for yourself.

And also be aware that there are literally thousands, maybe tens of thousands, of people out there, like me, looking for solutions to how we can heal from all the damage being done by EMF, Covid 19 nanotech and CERN.

We will get to those answers together, with God’s help, at the right time in this process of teshuva and geula.

And whatever they are, they are probably going to be very surprising, so keep an open mind.



I decided to stick some of the more useful old posts back up, periodically, including this one:

Fourteen years ago, I took an art class at the Israel Museum for a year.

I learnt a lot in that class, including how to paint and draw.

But even more than that, I learnt a lot about myself, as how you express yourself in creative forms can tell you a huge amount about what’s really going on, under the surface.

So, August rolled around, and I started to have that familiar worry that I needed ‘something to do’, after the chagim.

I checked the Museum website – and decided to take the plunge, on the ‘advanced art class’.

Why not?

No masks this year….no young kids at home…. time to develop my drawing and painting a little more.


I’m up to my third class, and just like 14 years ago, I am learning a bunch of new stuff.

Mostly, about myself and how I’m currently ‘reacting’ to life.

Today, the teacher set up some weird, complicated still life in the room, and told us we had to draw it in charcoal.

I’ve never really used charcoal before, although I can draw pretty well.

So, I didn’t know what to expect. I put my easel fairly close, sat down to draw… and after 15 minutes I started to feel totally overwhelmed and like I just wanted to run away.


I stepped out for a breath of fresh air, stepped back in and took a new sheet of paper.

I realised that I was having a subconscious niggle that my proportions weren’t ‘exact’, and that the teacher was going to start critiquing me.

(What?! I’m 49…. since when do I care what the teacher thinks?!)

But…. I did.

So, I took the new sheet, started trying to measure the proportions with the charcoal, the way real artists do, and to put connecting points and geometric lines all over the place….

And after 10 minutes, I felt like running away even more.


I stepped out again for some fresh air, and I started to catch this voice inside telling me this, over and over:

You can’t do this… it’s too hard. You can’t do this… give up now….You can’t do this….you are just wasting your time…

What on earth?!

I felt like I’d regressed 35 years and was back in my horrible art class with my horrible art teacher.

I took a deep breath, stepped back inside, and grabbed a third sheet of paper.


I’m just going to draw the cardboard box all the weird still life is sitting on…. I thought to myself.

How hard can that be?!

Five minutes later, I was so deep in the pit of despair, I had to go and sit outside for a bit, and cry.

Probably, it was an emotional ‘flashback’, where some unresolved trauma from the past gets triggered off by a similar sort of circumstance in the present.

But again, I was just having very strong urges to run away, and just give up.

Stupid, stupid, why did you leave your bag with your car keys by the easel? I started berating myself. Now, you can’t get out of there without making a scene…

Just then, a classmate passed me by on the way to the toilet, and I realised I had to stop ‘reacting’ to this situation like I was 14, and actually deal with it like a grown up.

Can you please ask the teacher to step out for a moment to talk to me? I asked her.

She nodded, and a couple of minutes later, I was trying to figure out what was so upsetting me about the art class – together with the teacher.


You are trying to draw it the way I’m teaching, instead of the way that comes naturally to you, she told me, after a minute.

Stop doing that, and everything will fall back into place.

I felt instantly better.


As I worked on the weird looking still life, doing my best but no longer getting so hung up on the outcome, I pondered on how many of our kids are getting totally and utterly crushed by a school system that expects conformity.

I did OK in school only because I read really fast, and I’m good at regurgitating material in exams.

But the whole way along, I was getting into serious trouble with my teachers, because I literally couldn’t stand most of what passed for ‘teaching’ in the classroom, and I was fighting the system every step.

(One of my kids had the same problem…. thank God for Covid and home learning. It meant she actually came out of school with a bagrut.)

School just doesn’t seem to be set up for anyone who has a tendency to think for themselves, or to do things their own way.


A few days ago, I was talking to someone ‘chareidi’ about a possible shidduch with one of my kids.

This kid prays from the heart three times a day; she’s been to Uman a lot; she visit kivrei tzaddikim for fun, with  her friends. And she dresses very tzniusly, albeit with her own unique style.

But apparently, none of that matters so much.

What REALLY matters is, does she want to send her children to Beis Yaakov?

I sighed a deep sigh.

Because really, what thinking, sensible person who really wants their children to  have an authentic relationship with Hashem, would WANT to send their daughter to a ‘Beis Yaakov’?

Or to a ‘frum-robot-producing’ yeshiva?


For once, I don’t have a neat moral to tack on to the end of this post.

There’s a general theme going on, that while rules and guidelines are useful and helpful in some way, as soon as ‘the thing’ gets totally wrapped up in all that red-tape, and totally smothered in all those ideas about ‘the right way to do it’ – it totally kills the creative, alive, joyful spiritual impulse.

Also in drawing, and also in shidduchim.

And that brings me back around to this theme I keep writing about, that I feel so strongly that Hashem is inviting each of us to JUST BE OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES, in order to get to the next stage of geula in one piece.

And that is way, way harder than it sounds.



Thanks to everyone who expressed an interest!

We will be doing the class at 8pm Israel time, this Sunday, Nov 20th.

It’s a one off, and it will last no longer than an hour, and I hope it will give us all a lot of chizzuk and some useful information.

I will email the login details to everyone who got in touch – and if you want to join, send me your email via the contact form on the site.

Bottom line – we have to start doing the things that Hashem has created us to do in the world.

Whatever that really is.

And even if it’s totally not the way that everyone else is doing it.


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I just got back from a whirlwind visit to London, for my nephew’s barmitzvah.

The last time I was there in May, the country was just properly coming out of all the masks and lockdown tyranny, and there were so many closed stores all around, even on Bond Street, one of London’s main shopping thoroughfares.

But last time,  we rented a car, and we stayed in our little ‘tourist family’ bubble in the wealthier Jewish parts of the UK.


This time around, I was finding it hard to book a cheap flight that didn’t land in the middle of the night.

So I ended up booking El Al, which got into Heathrow airport around 9pm.

First, a word about what is going on with all the tech in the airports now.

In Ben Gurion airport, I stood in one ‘snake line’ for an hour and a half, just to get to the ‘security check’.

Then, I straightaway stood in another ‘snake line’ for an hour, this time to actually just check in.

Then, I pretty much had to run to my gate, and stuff a sandwich in before I boarded while I was getting threatening texts from El Al on my phone that the plane was going to leave without me – all half an hour before it was meant to take off.


While I was standing in those snake lines, I started to get some strange sort of pain in my eyeballs, that I haven’t had before.

The penny dropped, that Ben Gurion airport is totally irradiating the travellers as they stand in those ridiculous ‘snake lines’.

It used to be, that you put your luggage through X-ray machines.

And now, those have gone, because EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS BEING X-RAYED.

Constantly, for 2 1/2 hours. Without your permission or knowledge.

Welcome to the police state.


So, I get to Heathrow, and there I also stand in a ‘snake line’ at passport control, looking up at the weird ceiling and feeling that strange pain in my eyeballs again that’s whispering ‘involuntary irradiation’.

I decided then, I don’t want to leave Eretz Yisrael again.

At least, not until all this evil tech has been dismantled and thrown to the bottom of the sea.

But as all my family live abroad, that’s not an easy decision to make, or stick to.


My dad came to meet me at Heathrow.

It was already getting late, and he was worried I might get mugged if I travelled on the Tube by myself.

My dad’s eyesight doesn’t let him drive a car, so we travelled back to ‘Jewish NW London’ on the Tube.

It was a shocking, and eye-opening experience, for many reasons.

Literally, I saw three four white faces in my carriage the whole time, and two of those were speaking Romanian, or something.

All of the ads were disgusting, and / or woke propaganda.

There was some black guy with a huge tree tattoo on his arm and ring through his septum, next to text talking about how he self-identifies as ‘demi-s*xual’.

What in the world?

Who was paying for those ginormous ads, stuck all over the tube, and what were they all about?


There were a ton of ads for ‘plant based meat’, so you could stop torturing the poor porkers by eating them.

There were ads for dresses, modelled by young girls, by a company that should have renamed itself ‘The Hookers Clothing Warehouse’.

And there were menacing ads by London transport all over the place, encouraging customers to snitch on anyone taking photos of all the spying tech now everywhere on the tube, with the catchy slogan: See it. Say it. Sorted.

Welcome to the police state.


There was also ads from the government, encouraging Londoners to rent out a room to strangers, to try to beat the housing shortage.

Apparently, the British Government will give you £625 a month, tax-free, if you do that.

While we travelled, my dad was telling me how people are now stealing his grapes out of his trolley at Tesco’s.

And also, stealing his trolley, with its pound coin in it, when he turns his back for a moment.

People are getting desperate, he told me.

He’d seen someone getting mugged recently at Charing Cross Station, and was clearly still traumatised.


We got out at Golders Green Station.

As we were trying to leave, two people in their twenties, who looked wizened well beyond their years, stopped us to ask us for spare change or even, just some food.

I’m homeless and I’m really hungry, the woman told me.

The man she was with had something seriously wrong with one of his eyes, and I suddenly felt like I’d whooshed back 200 years to Dickens’ London slums, albeit wearing Nikes and hoodies.

As we stepped out the station, there was another  youngish, homeless man there, begging for change.

All three were white Britons.


The next day, I went with my niece to Camden Town market, owned by Israeli billionaire Teddy Sagi, and then on to Selfridges to meet my brother.

It wasn’t packed to the rafters, but there was still some of that familiar London ‘shopping buzz’ in Camden, and I wondered if maybe the city was actually doing better than it had seemed, the previous night.

Then we got to Selfridges.

It was half-empty.

But more than that, way more, was the homeless people I had to step over on the pavement, who were lying there on cardboard boxes, freezing in their sleeping bags.

If they were lucky.


There were signs all over the place, explaining how they were homeless, and needed money to buy a proper sleeping bag for winter, which was fast approaching.

We weren’t talking about the odd homeless person, which has always been a familiar part of London life.

We were talking about tens and tens of them, sleeping in cold corners of the pavement in the middle of the day, in one of the wealthiest shopping districts in the world.


In many ways, the barmitzvah itself was great.

In other ways, I pondered to myself what would make the next generation want to stay Jewish in the UK, in the United Synagogue, where shul consists of cantors dragging out prayers you don’t understand; rabbis booming out superficial speeches that always seem to emphasis the importance of giving charity – above everything else; and cold, half-empty synagogues with prayers for the Monarchy and the State of Israel carved into their walls.

Then we hit the kiddush, and the question kind of half got answered.


It was awesome, not in a good way, to see a bunch of overweight, well-to-do people rushing at the food as though they’d spent three nights starving on the pavement, somewhere.

My brother, whose kiddush it was, advised me to get stuck in early, or else we’d end up with no food to eat.

It’s terrible, but that’s how it is,  he told me.

Other people told me that even for London, the kiddush behavior in that particular shul was awesomely bad.


My dad also noticed how the crowd had literally tripled from the people who’d been praying in shul, with 150 people magically becoming 500, as the food was laid out.

‘Just for Kiddush’, or JFK, had struck again.

The Jewish people’s secret to staying Jewish, in the diaspora.


I spoke to a few people while I was there, and most of them seem totally unaware of what is really going on, in the UK.

When you travel in cars, when you stay in your ‘wealthy Jewish bubble’, you just don’t see the problems, the same.

And even when you do, I guess there is a strong element of ‘boiling the frog’ going on.

I was last in the UK in May 2022, and I could see that the homeless problem was a lot worse in the last six months.

The interest rates are going up and up now, and people who took out massive mortgages based on a 1% interest rate are now faced with 3% interest rates – and that’s probably only the beginning.


Food is expensive.

Energy bills are shooting through the roof.

There are homeless people everywhere.

And a revolution is coming, one way or another, in the UK – and in other places, too.

My brother from NYC told me that homelessness is a massive problem there too, now, with ‘tent cities’ all over the place downtown.


Here in Jerusalem, I’m not feeling it the same, and I’m not seeing it the same.

Sure, I’m still panicking about the police state, and still worrying about the next stage of this geula process.

It’s not going to be easy, wherever we happen to be, and as I’ve said repeatedly on the blog, geographical location is only one factor, in how easy this next stage will be.


I came back to Israel fervently praying that the rest of my family will somehow find the urge and ability to move here, ASAP.

And not just because I am sick of being irradiated and mis-treated by airports.

There is a revolution coming to the diaspora, one way or another.

And the safest place to be in those times is Eretz Yisrael, even with our Erev Rav fascists in power.

Because at least here, there is still real Torah, real tzaddikim, real kedusha to be found, to protect us.

And not just a really good kiddush.


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Well, the farce is over for at least another six months.

Loads of us went out to vote for one stinking pile of manure, or another.

And now, we’ll just have to see how God is going to turn all this around for the best, because personally, the idea of having Netanyahu back in the driving seat literally makes me want to vomit.

What a Hobson’s Choice, between a not-so-closet ‘Jew for Jesus’ who hates yiddishkeit and wants to uproot the Torah.

And a not-so-closet pandemic dictator who is best friends with Albert Bourla, and the Frankist-Freemason poster boy in Israeli elections.



If I didn’t have Rabbenu constantly encouraging from the sidelines with his message that:



Then I would probably be having way more of a battle with feelings of sadness and despair than I actually am.

I’m still having those feelings arise, at various points – but deep down, in my heart of hearts, I KNOW we are going to get the open miracles required to turn all this around.

And that the bad cannot win forever, even though it’s still landing some major blows, as the battle for the soul of humanity continues.


In the meantime, I am going to carry on writing here, about so many of the things that so many other people seem to be scared to even go near.

Because each time we peel off another layer of the lies and rubbish we’ve been told, the truth spreads out a little further, and a little brighter in the world, and another person, another soul, starts to feel that truth radiating from within, and shining out to those around them.


A few days ago, I met someone, a fellow-blogger, and had a very interesting conversation with her, about the amount of ‘pushback’ she was getting when she dared to suggest the Covid Plandemic was not all it’s cracked up to be.

Long story short, the experience appears to have been so distressing, she decided to just kind of keep things ‘superficial’ in her writing now, and to keep away from the subjects that actually really interest and concern her.

I understand that.

But I told her this:

You have to be the voice of truth in the world, that Hashem created you to be.

And that applies to every single one of us reading this, too.


With the censorship going up, with the Covidian cultists attacking anyone who dares to suggest that they were duped, or plain wrong, (or even – (whisper it….) horrible, controlling people with zero emuna who tried to make their OCD and out-of-control hyperchondria everyone else’s problem….) – it’s often not easy to speak truth, in any format

I’ve been in touch with so many people out there, ‘secret truthseekers’, who have to hide what they really think and what they really believe, about so many different things, because it goes against the official narrative that so many of their family and friends are still holding by.

But I want to tell you something:



It’s always the psychos who make the most noise, and get the most attention.

(That’s why I blog ;-))

BUT – there are millions and millions and millions of people just like you out there, who KNOW that we are living in a world of lies, and who are making huge strides towards moving into the world of truth on their own.


Without fanfare, or big public announcements.

Because so many people have been traumatised by their interactions with the hateful, self-righteous people out there who made up a great bulk of the ‘Covidian Cultists’, but who can be found on the other side of every discussion about real things you care to have.


Baruch Hashem, blogging about the Rav for three years, and learning in-depth about things like ‘Narcissistic Personalities’, gave me the best possible training for what’s been going on the last three years, during this Covid Plandemic.

So by the time all this rolled around, I was long past the point of caring about who I was ‘offending’ by writing about what was is really going on, or worrying that I was going to get socially ostracised, or personally attacked.

Now I look back, and I see what a true blessing it really is, to just be able to be myself, and to say what I really think, and to publically believe what I really believe.


But you know what?

You can also do that.

You can also be the person that God designed you to be, and to believe the things that your soul is whispering to you are true, without being scared of the ‘Covidian cultists’, and all the rest of the narcissists out there.

I’m not talking about hitting other people over the head with ‘the truth’, whether they want it or not. That’s also not good middot, and it’s not respecting the other person’s wishes to stay stuck firmly in their zombie-fying comfort zone.

But when you are on your home turf, in whatever way that’s to be understood – don’t be scared to be you.

Do it gently and respectfully, but don’t totally silence that authentic part of you that sometimes needs to be heard, just because you are scared about how other people are going to react.


And know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Few people who write for a living have the luxury of being honest today.

Around 99% of the media you consume is bought-and-paid for propaganda, designed to cover-up the truth, and pull people away from their ‘authentic self’.

And then the zombies and the useful idiots out there just regurgitate all this propaganda, and they make it seem like everyone thinks the same, and believes the same.

But that’s not true.

I’m in touch with a bunch of different people all over the world, from different backgrounds, and I can tell you this:



You are not alone in seeing all the real evil that is occurring all around us.

You are not alone, in yearning for a better world, a better future for humanity.

You are not alone, in the fears you have about the future, and about how all this is going to turn around for the good.

There are millions and millions of people who see what you see, and share your concerns.

Just, the atmosphere of censorship and fear (and the non-stop propaganda and brain-washing from the media) is making it very hard for the people of truth to know that there are many others like them, all over the place.

Also hiding their spiritual light under a bushel, so no-one else notices.


Tov, I was actually going to write a totally different piece today, but this is what came out instead.

But I do have a ‘clue’ from the Rav to share with you here, even though it’s not the same clue I’m probably going to write about next.

I’m translating some stuff from the Rav at the mo, and I keep coming across some mind-blowing snippets.

Here’s one, that I’ll do my best to try to explain, after you’ve read it:


Giving birth before the Flood

The Midrash Rabba explains to us that in its time, when a baby was born at night, in a sudden way, so that the mother still hadn’t got around to organising things so that there would be a pair of scissors next to her bed – because in the old days, the mothers themselves used to cut the umbilical cord – so the mother used to say to the child:

Let me describe the house to you; go right, and you’ll find a box of matches. Go left, and look in the second drawer of the third cupboard, and find a candle. Light the candle, and then go to my sewing room, the work room. And there, you’ll find some scissors. Bring me the scissors, and then I’ll cut your umbilical cord.

As soon as the mother would cut the umbilical cord, the baby would start to dance and to dance, and to jump around. That’s how it was, in the old days. Babies used to be born like calves. All this was occurring before the Flood.


Dawn breaks

The baby used to have a very long umbilical cord, in order to go to there.

When he left, he met Ashmodai, the King of the Demons – because it was night-time. OK, he started to quarrel with him, and to argue, and to wrestle, and started slapping him. They were wrestling with each other, boxing each other, until dawn broke.

Once dawn breaks, demons don’t have permission to walk around.

The demons only used to walk around at night. As soon as the rooster crowed at the break of dawn, then it was the time of ‘light’, and the demons had to go. And all this is happening at the time that he was walking around looking for a candle.

He found the candle in some drawer, and afterwards he’d start looking through all the other drawers to find the matches. In the meantime, throughout all this time, he’s still fighting with the demon.

Suddenly, boom! The rooster starts to crow – it’s the time when the dawn breaks. The demon said to him: Go to your mother and tell her that she needs to recite ‘Birkat HaGomel’, that you came through in one piece. And you also need to recite the Gomel blessing. Go up to the Torah on Shabbat and recite the Gomel blessing! That dawn broke, and the rooster crowed, in the merit of this, I left you alone.

The baby replied: Who should say the ‘Gomel bracha’? Me?! Au contraire, you should go and say the Gomel blessing! Because I was still connected to my mother by the umbilical cord. Otherwise, if I wasn’t still connected, I would have killed you a long time ago!


That ‘baby’ is the Moshiach.

The demonic forces are battling to try to kill him, to kill our ‘hope of redemption’, before it’s even been properly born into the world.

That’s what is going on right now.

But pay attention to this line:

Once dawn breaks, demons don’t have permission to walk around.

This is a massive clue, to what is really going on here.

Right now, dawn didn’t quite break yet, and the ‘cock hasn’t crowed’, to tell us we’ve really arrived at the geula.

The darkness is very intense, the ‘demons’ are battling to kill us all, and our children, and to turn us into soul-less cyborgs, with bodies made of synthetic nano-material that apparently never wear out…

It looks like we can’t win – how can Moshiach fight them off, he was just born into this world, he didn’t even have his umbilical cord cut yet!

But, all that baby has to do is hold for dear life.

Because when dawn finally breaks, all the demons will finally disappear, all by themselves.

They don’t have permission to walk around when then sun finally comes up.


Reading this gave me such chizzuk.

It’s all connected to that ‘rising sun with healing in its wings’, that’s going to heal the righteous, but burn up the wicked.

Just a little bit longer, and dawn breaks, in this horrible, arduous process of ‘night’ that we’ve been struggling through for years, centuries, millenia.

Just a little bit longer.

So hold on!

Don’t let the demonic forces take you down, or take you out!

The battle is so very nearly over.

But in the meantime, every drop of ‘truth’, every drop of emuna, every drop of authentic yearning and caring you put out in the world will strengthen that light, and bring the time nearer, when the sun finally rises.

So, don’t be afraid to be ‘you’.

Because even just a little bit of your spiritual light will dispel a huge amount of darkness, and help bring this nightmare to an end, very soon.


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The last couple of weeks, I’ve been getting a practical lesson in just how good, and just how holy, so many of the simple Jews out there really are.

You won’t hear stories about these simple Jews in the propaganda press, including Jewish propaganda sites like A7 and the Yeshiva World News.

You probably won’t hear stories about them in a lot of other places, too, because in this era of ‘self-promotion’ that we live in, these people aren’t doing their acts of kindnesses, and their mitzvahs, to brag about it on Instagram or Facebook.

They are doing stuff for God.

And because they care.

Here’s what happened to me today.


As you know, the last few weeks I’ve been having yet another ‘mid-life crisis’, as my husband’s foot situation really brought back to me just how fragile – and short – life really is.

BH, with Hashem’s help (and absolutely no help from Western medicine….) the foot is doing so much better, and life as we know it has slowly gone back to something pretty much normal.

He can walk around again, drive again, leave the house again, go to shul again…. Baruch Hashem a million times, because for a month it really wasn’t like that at all.

But in the meantime, caring for the foot 24/7, and worrying about the foot even when I wasn’t slicing garlic to put on the sores, or dripping on industrial amounts of Tea Tree essential oil, kind of burst my complacent little bubble, a little.

At the same time, I’ve been translating some stuff from the Rav, Rav Berland, about the importance of reaching out to others, with the light of the Torah, and helping other people develop a real relationship with Hashem.

And the combo of the ‘foot teshuva’ and the stuff from the Rav has really hit me like a bolt of lightning, and got me really looking at what am I doing, to help other people?!


(More on that in a moment.)

So today, I headed off early out of Jerusalem, to go and visit my ‘One Brain’ woman near Ashkelon, to see if she can help me clear up some of the confusion and inner turmoil I’ve been experiencing recently, around the idea of what am I doing with my life and is it what God really wants.


I got a massive flat tyre, in the middle of the main road in the San Simon neighborhood of Jerusalem, in the middle of rush hour.

There is so much construction going on all over the place, as the municipality digs up all the roads everywhere, to lay the cable required for 5…G, that flat tyres have become a regular part of life, the last few months.


Usually, I have my husband in the car with me to help take care of it. Or, the flat is not usually a total blow-out, so I can drive it to the puncture repair place in Talpiot and have them deal with it.

But not today.


My husband was in the middle of davening, on the other side of the city.

(And anyway, I didn’t want to put additional stress on his foot, until it’s 100% healed.)

I stood there looking pathetic for 10 minutes, hoping some resident would take pity on me and help me change the tyre. It wasn’t happening.

So then, I kind of fell into despair and started to feel sorry for myself, and totally helpless and hopeless.

I called my husband in the middle of davening (sorry God!) – and he suggested I call my kid, who knew about some organisation that helps people change their tyres for free.


Long story short, about 20 minutes later, a very tall man called Uriel showed up, and changed my tyre for me.

While he worked, he told me he used to be in the army for 8 years, ‘serving the country’, until he was injured.

Now, he has a younger brother who also wants to go into the special forces, but Uriel is urging him not to do it, because ‘the army is not the same army it was’.

As he talked, he was laid flat next to my car, cranking it up so he could put the spare tyre on, and I had such a feeling of gratitude for his time and help, it’s hard to describe it.


When he was done, I tried to give him the box of Ferrero Roche that I’d got at the corner store, to say a small thank you.

He refused to take it.

If I take something for doing a mitzva, then it’s not a mitzva any more! he told me, with a very serious expression on his face.


So, I gave him a minute long bracha instead, before driving off to the puncture place to get the tyre fixed.

While I drove to Talpiot, I realised I was tearing up.

Wow, this country is mamash full of amazing people, amazing Jews, really just trying to do kindnesses for other people, and trying to help them….I also want to be one of those people….


Long story short, I totally missed my appointment with my One Brain woman.

But in the meantime, I had about three hours of talking to God, and trying to figure out what I can try to do, as me, to help others.

And this is what I have come up with, with Hashem’s help:

I want to help other women, and specifically other mum’s, to recharge their batteries, and to appreciate what amazing people they really are.

Not because they’re perfect, because who’s perfect?

And not because they’ve fixed all their bad middot already, because ad 120 to get that sorted out….

But just because they are trying so hard to love their families. And putting so much time, love and energy out in the world.

And because when push comes to shove, it’s the women, the mothers, the wives, who are keeping the whole show on the road.


As more specific ideas start to gel, I’ll let you know.

(And I’m also happy to hear from readers about what sorts of things they’d like,  or are interested in, that would help to recharge their batteries, body, mind and especially soul.)

This is where I’ve got to, today.


The people who get so much of the limelight, the headlines, the ‘buzz’, the kudos in the Jewish community are nearly all basically scummers.

They’ve done a brilliant job of hijacking us, and pretending that their brand of fake ‘Judaism’, their brand of divisive and self-serving politics, their brand of anti-Torah, self-aggrandising ‘zionism’, is the real deal.

Today, a simple guy named Uriel, who took an hour out of his day to change my tire on a busy street in Jerusalem reminded me, again, about what real Jews, and real Judaism looks like.

And it’s totally beautiful.

And that’s the world where I want to be hanging out more, even as I probably have to continue the ‘clean up’ job here on the blog, for a little while longer.

All with Hashem’s help.

Because there is no other way.


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Again, this isn’t one of mine, it’s on a blog called Heshek, and it’s a very interesting post about how the Erev Rav have always used witchcraft and sorcery, with lots of Torah references. It’s the first in a series, and I’m looking forward to the next one.

In the meantime, I’m kind of liking the idea of putting other people’s interesting posts here at the bottom of mine, so it’s less about ‘self-promotion’ and more about sharing good things around.


All of Them Witches, Part 1


BH, my husband’s foot is finally starting to turn the corner.

I’ll probably write more about what big tests we’ve been having over the last two weeks, and all the different stuff we’ve been doing, including on the teshuva front, to try to deal with it all.

Right now, I’m still pre-occupied nursing my husband back to full health, God willing, and trying to regain some of the ‘order’ in my life that feels like it got hit by a hurricane the last two weeks.

Rabbenu front-loaded stuff for us, I have no doubt, so we could make a lot of teshuva and ‘sweeten’ the rest of the year right when the doors of teshuva were open the widest.

For sure, all this will end up only being for the good, but it’s still been a very stressful and tiring process on so many levels.


In the meantime, I had another ‘meaningful dream’ yesterday, and the very short version of it is this:

I was a guest in some family’s massive house for Shabbos – they were Americans, but I didn’t know them – with lots of kids of various ages.

Somehow, I managed to smear paint, or something, all over the expensive furnishings, and I was so embarrassed I ran upstairs to try to hide from all the anger I was expecting to get from the baalat habayit when she saw what I’d done, albeit accidentally.

In the meantime, she found me, and she started telling me, in a very gentle way, that she had a really good idea for how all that paint could get permanently cleaned up, off the furniture.

Just was I was standing there, amazed at her kindness and patience with me, the sky went a really weird colour, and what looked like massive ‘people’ riding on all sorts of massive metal shapes – I think they were currency symbols, like dollars, yen etc – started kind of bobbing down from the sky.

Everyone in that family started yelling:

It’s simanin for Moshiach!!! It’s simanin for geula!!!

It for sure looked very weird, but even in the dream I was still feeling very cynical, and that it’s probably just some sort of hologram, to fool the masses, or something.

Until one of these things actually hit me in the head, and I got told:

See, it IS real!

And then I woke up.


Make of this what you will, but in hitbodedut today, I got the idea to share it.

BH, I am still figuring out what I want to do with the blog going forward, it may continue the way it has been the last few years, or I may take it in a different direction, I still don’t know.

But the priority is to get my husband fit again, with God’s help, so until that’s in the bag, I don’t really have time or inclination to do a lot of writing.


But, let me just remind you that tonight is the yarhtzeit of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

The Rav is holding a big gathering, with dancing, around Ido HaNavi, starting around 7pm (remember, all this is Israeli time….)

And there will also be a lot of dancing happening in Rav Shalom Arush’s succah on Shmuel HaNavi St.

But if you can’t make those, light a candle for the Tzaddik, find yourself something yummy to eat, and sit in the sukkah at home and do a bit of singing and dancing, in the zchut of Rabbenu.

Heaven knows, we need that singing and dancing more than ever, this year.


PS: Remember what the Rav said about everyone needing to be out of Ukraine by Simchat Torah?

Looks like this could only be the beginning or things amping up in the country again:

These last few days, up to Yom Kippur, have been extremely challenging.

I could really feel the ‘din’ in the air, and that seemed to be manifesting itself in a lot of strange health issues.

That I got a bad cold is totally no big deal.

But my husband came back from Uman with a very badly infected foot – so infected, that he has barely left the house for a week, while we’ve been trying a million ways to bring down the swelling and get the ‘yuck’ to exit the gentlest, fastest way possible.

Then one kid had a chunk of her tooth fall off, and went to the dentist to be told it’s totally rotten and needs either extraction or a root canal.

This is a kid that’s never even had a single filling!!

What in the world?!

Then erev Yom Kippur, another kid started having very strange ‘back pains’ that literally had her howling in pain, much of the night.


I went into Yom Kippur feeling extremely overwhelmed.

I also went into Yom Kippur asking Hashem what it is He wants from me, specifically, and from my family, that would help to mitigate all this ‘judgement’.

In hitbodedut before the Yom HaDin, I got the idea that I should go to the Rav for Kol Nidre, even though I usually fast pretty badly, so I don’t go anywhere much.

But, my husband was still laid up with his infected foot, and in my hitbodedut, I got the idea that there had to be some representative of my family by the Rav for Yom Kippur, even just literally for five minutes, and then everything would start to ‘sweeten’ again.


So after I lit my candles, I girded my loins and walked off to Meah Shearim, where Shuvu Banim had erected a huge tent for the Yom Kippur davening.

They did that last year, too – but last year, the Rav was still in prison, so the core community who was praying with Shuvu Banim was much smaller.

I got there, and it was standing room only, exclusively for men, inside the tent. Outside, meanwhile, a couple hundred of women and children had brought their own Keter plastic chairs to try and join in with the services, hard as that was going to be.

As I stood there for a minute, unsure what to do because I couldn’t see or hear anything going on inside the tent, there was suddenly a commotion: the Rav was literally brought into the tent a minute after I got there, and I had the privilege of seeing him, albeit for just a few short seconds.

It was incredible hashgacha pratit.

Suddenly, the weight that had been tying me down for over a week started to feel much lighter.


I didn’t have a chair with me, as I had to shlep in 40 minutes to get to Meah Shearim, so I sat on the pavement for 10 minutes – where I could hear absolutely nothing – then decided to go back home.

At home, the husband’s foot was still infected. The kid was still screaming with back pain.

And I wondered if maybe I’d just dreamed that ‘it’s all going to be OK now’ impression, back in Meah Shearim.

The kid eventually fell asleep, and I was feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted, I also fell into bed – but with the plan to wake up early the next morning, to do a six hour hitbodedut, as well as some Yom Kippur davening from the machsor.


I woke up at 5.55AM, after a very powerful dream.

In that dream, I was in a ‘big city’ with my family, and half my family was with me, and the other half of extended family was in the food court of a mall located in the bottom of a massive skyscraper.

And I just knew that skyscraper was about to collapse, and there was nothing I could do to tell them, or get them out in time.

I watched the building fall down ‘from the outside’ and also ‘from the inside’, inside the food court where my family was, and all the lights fizzed out.

Things were not looking good.


At that point, I was kind of half awake, but still half asleep, and I decided I had to ‘go back in’ to the dream to fix the outcome.

I went into the dark, collapsed food court, and I just visualised throwing Rav Berland’s tallit over my family members who I knew were there. The tallit ‘found’ them immediately, and as soon as they were under the wings of the tallit, they kind of ‘popped up’ safe and praying by the kever of Rabbenu, in Uman.

I did this a few separate times, with a few different people – and then I got a picture of Rav Berland in my head, dressed as the Kohen HaGadol, telling me three times:

Every house that has a prayer will be saved.

Then the Rav told me:

This is the message, and your job is to publicise it. Don’t forget when you wake up!


I don’t get a lot of dreams, but when I do get them, and I remember them, they nearly always seem to be very meaningful (at least, to me.)

So, I am sharing the Rav’s message with you.

A couple of years ago, he gave a shiur where he explained that his prayers and his books are mamash what’s destroying the forces of evil in the world, and where he explicitly said that every home should have one of his prayers.

I know if you’re not a follower of the Rav, and if you’re ‘anti’ the Rav, this is very hard to swallow.

All I can suggest is that you do some deep hitbodedut on the question of Rav Berland, and ask God to show you the truth.

There is no other way of arriving at it.


In the meantime, I woke up properly, and went straight into a six hour hitbodedut session to try to mitigate the din.

First, there’s the idea brought down in the Gemara that a dream goes after its interpretation, so I interpreted that building collapsing more as a symbol of the collapsing ‘world of lies’, than another explicit 9/11, God forbid.

The rest of the dream didn’t need a positive ‘spin’, because it’s obvious: the people who are connected to the True Tzaddikim, Rav Eliezer Berland AND Rebbe Nachman ben Faige and Simcha will be under their protection.

And that protection is very easily acquired: just make the minor effort required to get one of the Rav’s prayers in your home, if you don’t already one.

(More on how to do that practically at the end of this post.)


Then for the next few hours, I was just really begging Hashem to have mercy on His people, my bit of it specifically, and all of Am Yisrael who are really struggling right now, because so many of us want to be closer to God, and want to be doing better, spiritually – but we are so mired in the world of lies, and all the tumah that is clogging us up on every level.

By the time I was done, I felt much happier again.

I prayed the Mussaf prayer, then went downstairs.

God, please show me what You want from me, and what teshuva I / we need to make, to get all this din to go away…

My eye fell on a book called ‘Anatomy of the Soul’, by the Breslov Research Institute.


Long story short, the stuff it was saying about ‘spines’ seemed to fit a great deal of what was going on in the kid’s life.

I went and read bits of it to her (with her permission…) and I could see it was really resonating.

Her back was feeling better, but there was also a path of teshuva being required, that we could both see was coming more clearly into view.

Then, I cracked it open to ‘legs’, and a lot of what it was saying about legs / feet also seemed to resonate.

A path of teshuva started to materialise there, too.


There is so much to say here, but I can’t write everything that I’m thinking or feeling.

Here’s a couple of points that I do want to share:

It seems to me that 5783 is the year where we can no longer ‘duck’ or avoid Hashem, or ‘duck’ and avoid the consequences of our own bad middot and negative actions.

All the chickens appear to be coming home to roost this year – which is a pre-requisite for the world of truth to start shining out, but also a very scary and difficult prospect.

For a layperson with no formal medical training, I am pretty clued-up on a bunch of ways of helping me and my family navigate our health issues without resorting to the evil Western medical tyranny.

The last few days, I have been feeling totally overwhelmed – and completely powerless. But that’s been teaching me a very important lesson:

God is the Healer, Only God.

And all our ‘knowledge’ and ‘potions’ aren’t going to help us, if we didn’t make peace with Hashem, and ‘deal direct’ with Him, and figure out the teshuva required for us to really get healthy again.


In terms of my own teshuva process, I am seriously considering deleting all my content again, and starting with a clean slate here on the blog.

In the past when I’ve done that, it’s been totally obvious that was required, and so I did it without a second thought.

This time around, I have a lot of confusion about whether that is really what God wants, this time, so I am still doing hitbodedut about it, until I get the proper clarity.

But the point is, if there’s something like that required to get my family back to full health again, I will do it in a heartbeat.

So don’t get a shock if you log on and all the content has disappeared again.


I want to leave you with some words of the Rav, taken from Rav Berland on the Jewish Holidays, in the section on Yom Kippur:

The Rebbe says: (LM 206),

A person sins and harms his soul; at first things continue to go well for him.

Then, Hashem begins to send him slight hints. If he still doesn’t get it, Hashem calls to him louder and louder, until the person starts getting kicked and pounded with suffering.

You sinned? Do teshuva!

The same Torah that told you it’s a sin tells you about teshuva!

But if you don’t do teshuva, then maybe after some suffering something will start to sink in, you will begin to do teshuva, begin to sob over your spiritual blemishes, get shaken up a drop!

And if not, then God forbid, a spouse will get sick, if not a spouse then the children, God forbid!….


We are Jews!

Nothing is rectified for free!

By the Christians nothing is needed to be done, just go to the Priest and confess to him once a year and he says ‘forgiven forgiven’ afterwards, and then everyone continues as before.

By Jews, there is no such thing.


For sins, a person must pay!

On every transgression he must pay! If a person doesn’t do teshuva and doesn’t wake up, then he starts getting hit with suffering, as it says “There is no suffering without sin.”


There are 22 days from Rosh Hashana until Simchat Torah to fix everything.

Kabbalistically, from Rosh Hashana until Yom Kippur the judgments are sweetened, we sweetened our yetzer hara that it shouldn’t control us.

Now, from Yom Kippur until Simchat Torah there are 12 days for forgiveness of sins, we are now building the New Year….


A week ago, the Rav was apparently saying there will be no nuke this year, but that there WILL be a lot of bombs…

And that Ukraine and Russia will destroy each other.

I didn’t hear it myself, but I’m passing on what I was told.

Regardless, a person would need to be blind to  not see that the whole world is currently in a very precarious state.

Yom Kippur is now behind us, be the final judgment is only finally sealed after Sukkot – we still have 10 more days, to dance, sing and make some real teshuva, to ‘build’ the next year as one of goodness, Torah, happiness and health.

No-one can afford to be complacent this year, that they’ve ‘made it through’.

There are very big things happening, very big judgements occurring, that need sweetening.

And the time when we could run away from Hashem, and complacently continue to sin without getting hit with suffering, are over.


To get prayers from the Rav into your home, go HERE.

You can also order pre-printed prayers for a nominal fee, get one of the Rav’s books of prayers on specific topics, or simply just find a prayer and print it off yourself.


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