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Taking responsibility

I am continuing to learn some profound lessons from my husband’s foot.

I know this maybe sounds like ‘weird’ stuff to share on a blog, but one thing that I’ve learned throughout my life is that real emuna isn’t about crafting flowery speeches, or sharing ‘nice, theoretical, emuna ideas’ – although there is also a place for those things, for sure.

Real emuna is when we have real challenges – like a badly infected foot, or a rebellious teen, or a serious case of anger, or depression – and we try to connect those challenges back to Hashem, in real time.

The foot has already taught me a whole, massive lesson about the need to acknowledge and work on suppressed anger, which you can read more about HERE.

But today’s post is about the general idea of ‘taking responsibility’ for ourselves.

Let us begin.


Baruch Hashem, after my husband got a blessing from the Rav last Thursday night, and after the penny dropped about ‘suppressed anger’ leading to all these disgusting, pus-y foot sores, and after I had the epiphany of putting slices of raw garlic direct on these sores – which worked AMAZINGLY, to clear up the pus – I kind of thought maybe ‘the lesson of the foot’ had drawn to a close.

But I was wrong.

The last couple of days, my husband has started to return more to his routine….

That routine where he basically works like a dog for 10 hours straight, whilst sitting in a small, window-less glass box that’s euphemistically called a ‘private office’.

When he was laid up, we talked a lot about the need for some massive sort of ‘lifestyle rebalance’.

He’s looking for a new office now, closer to home.

He’s gone back to learning more Torah again – something that got blown out of the water, by all the Covid 19 restrictions, lockdowns and stress.

And with Hashem’s help, we have plans to shift the focus off of ‘working like a dog’ a lot more.


In the meantime….

My husband came back home yesterday, and after he took the big sock off and unwound his foot for its nightly dunking in teatree oil and close inspection – we both saw that the foot had kind of swollen up again.


All the infection is pretty much gone, the skin is healing amazingly.

But the foot itself was still swollen.


For some reason, I got really cross at my husband when I saw that, and I started yelling at him that he needs to start taking more responsibility for his own foot, and stomped off to bed.

As I lay there doing some ’emergency hitbodedut’, I started wondering why I’d got so upset with the guy. I mean, he’s been through a lot, he’s doing his best, he’s been very receptive to a lot of the strange ideas I’ve been hitting him with.

I pulled out my ‘Touch for Health’ book on energy meridians, to see if I could get more clues on what might be causing the swelling, and then read about the ‘water-related’ energy meridians, kidney and bladder.

They are connected to negative emotions like existential angst, fear, apathy and despair.

These are all things that have also been ‘pushed down’ and ignored for years and years, whilst still impacting me and my husband in a whole bunch of ways, from behind the scenes.


This morning, I had another frank chat with him, and I laid out what I’d discovered:

God is using your foot, to communicate some very deep stuff to you, about what you need to be really looking at, and taking responsibility for, in yourself.

First, we had the whole ‘ignoring the problem for five days until the foot went septic’ issue.

Classic British Ashkenazi response.

Then, we had the ‘suppressed anger about what’s going while pretending everything is ‘fine’ issue, which led directly to the disgusting, festering foot wounds that just weren’t clearing up – until we figured out the spiritual cause, got a bracha from the Rav, and started doing the raw garlic slices fanatically.

And now, we have arrived at the: “feeling totally apathetic and despairing about it all, so just kind of giving up on moving things forward” stage.


To put this another way, my husband’s foot is a microcosm of his soul.

 And God is using it precisely, to show him the ‘underlying stuff’ he finally needs to acknowledge, and get on with really dealing with.

Tachlis, I told him he needs to take responsibility for his foot from here on in.

I’m happy to help from the sides, but his foot is HIS PROBLEM, his ‘soul response’ to the world.

And he’s the only one who can really knuckle down, and do what needs to be done to return his foot to full health, speedily, BH.


While all this was going on, I had a few conversations with a few other people, that brought home again and again, in different ways, that we seem to be in the stage of things now where everyone has to start to take responsibility for themselves, and their lives, and their souls, and their health.

One conversation was with a friend, who was being severely pressured to ‘get induced’ because she was two weeks late and an older mum.

The hospital was putting so much pressure on her, and trying to scare the pants off her that if she didn’t do things ‘their way’, she’d be responsible for anything that went wrong with the birth, God forbid.

My friend stood her ground, really connected back to God, and decided that she was going to let God decide when this soul should be brought into the world, not the c*appy doctors.

(At the same time, she arranged for daily private scans, and was in constant touch with her chinese medicine doctor / doula. Taking responsibility doesn’t just mean you sit there and pray, you also have to actually go out and do things, too.)


BH, the baby was born last week, naturally, when the time was right, and mum and baby are doing well.

Last year, my friend got ‘scared’ by the doctors into taking two Covid jabs.

She told me that she felt she was having a similar test again this time, with the birth. And this time, she decided to take responsibility, take it back to God, and approach with more emuna and trust that the baby would be born at the time God decided.

I’m really proud of her.


Another conversation was with a young lady who is struggling with the nice, but OTT controlling mother of her serious boyfriend.

The mother insists on making breakfast for her (almost 30 year old….) son every morning – even though he’s been telling her not to, for the last 10 years.

She insists on ‘helping him’ to buy his furniture, ‘helping him’ to buy his clothing, ‘helping him’ with ideas of where he should be going on holiday, how he should be spending his time….

In the meantime.

His girlfriend is waiting for him to grow up, and become a man already, so they can actually get married.


This problem of OTT controlling ‘helpful mothers’ seems to be massive in the Jewish world today.

The basic problem boils down to this:

Many mothers – even the kindest, goodest people – want to keep their children, especially their sons, kind of ‘small and dependent’ on them, because it makes the mother feel good and useful to ‘help’.

In other words, they want to keep their sons as ‘boys’ they can mother.

Meantime, the wives want their husbands to grow up, and to be men.

Real men, who take responsibility for themselves, and who knuckle down and work on developing the emuna, and good character traits required to truly be the people God designed them to be in the world.


Sure, we could blame the mothers, the parents, for continuing to coddle and control their children.

But really?

The responsibility for this lies with the man himself.

It’s so much easier, in so many ways, to have someone else decide things for you, and take care of things for you.

And in the meantime, you can sit there and lie to yourself that you ‘don’t have a choice’ about what’s going on, or that it’s impossible to change things, or even, that you really ARE working on yourself, all the time (just, nothing ever actually changes or shifts….)

As the Sages say, if someone tells you that they didn’t search and they found – don’t believe them!

But if they tell you they searched and then found – then you can believe them.


There’s reams and reams that have been written about the ‘feminisation’ of men, and I don’t want to add much more to the discussion.

Other than to say, that we are in a period of time now where God is expecting every single one of us to knuckle down, and to take responsibility for ourselves, our lives, our souls, our health, our middot.

The time when you could carry on ignoring problems has gone.

The time when you could carry on blaming your parents, your rabbis, your teachers, your spouse, your kids, your boss, the neighbor, for everything that is going wrong – has gone.

God is inviting every single one of us now, to move into the world of truth, and that journey begins with ourselves.


So many of us are so ‘numb’ to ourselves, to our souls, to the real ‘us’, that really God doesn’t have so much choice, except to try to get our attention in some radical ways.

Like, strange and disturbing health issues, that just aren’t going away, no matter how much we ‘listen to the experts’.

That process is likely about to accelerate, as more and more people understand that they have been duped, deceived and injured by Western Medicine, and its minions.


Having to deal with health issues like this is exhausting and scary.

Since my husband got back from Uman, I’ve been running around like a chicken without a head, trying to figure out what on earth was going on, and what ‘response’ God wanted from me, and from him.

That process has been all-consuming.

But at this point, I can honestly say I am incredibly grateful for the infected foot, even though we are still not quite out of the woods with it.

It has been a catalyst for some tremendous teshuva, some tremendous spiritual soul-searching, hopefully, some tremendous changes that will have long-lasting benefits, in a number of ways.

There have been so many important lessons to  learn, from ‘the foot’.

But the main one boils down to this:

Take responsibility for yourself, your health, and your life.


Stop blaming other people all the time.

Stop pretending like ‘you don’t have a choice’.

We always have a choice to make, whatever the circumstances we find ourselves in.

We can always choose to work on our emuna, to own our own problems, to use our health issues to get closer to Hashem – or the opposite, God forbid.

Sure, it’s easier to act like the victim.

It’s easier to hide behind ‘kibud av’ve em’ then really owning up to the fact that we’re spiritually lazy, and that we don’t want to look at ourselves properly in the face.

It’s easier to let other people decide stuff the real stuff for us, while we passively sit there reading the latest tweets about our stocks and shares.

But that’s not what God wants.


If you’re a man, and this post pushed your buttons, I apologise in advance.

If you’re a controlling mother, and this post pushed your buttons, I apologise in advance.

(And if you’re my husband and this post pushed your buttons, I also apologise in advance!!!)


We live in a politically-correct world where we’re supposed to just go around hugging trees and pretending that ‘global warming’ is responsible for everything that’s going so badly wrong in our world, but that’s a crock.

We’re responsible.

You and me.

But the good news is, once we stop ducking the responsibility for what’s going wrong in our lives, then we are really empowered to start to turn things around.

And that process of change starts with us, our emuna, and our bad middot.


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16 replies
  1. JR
    JR says:

    “I pulled out my ‘Touch for Health’ book ”

    This is עבודה זרה, and has been banned by leading poskim. (Rav Elyashiv, Dovid Feinstein, Yisrael Belsky & Shmuel Auerbach all forbid such practices)
    You can check it out. It was invented by a chiropractor who was raised in the old chiropratic doctrine that held that a chiropratic adjustment was a form of divine worship and allowed the pantheistic god of chiropratic to heal the body. The inventor of the method, pays homage to his god, but does so in a manner that the casual reader won’t notice.

    You can starting educating yourself by reading here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2485333/

    • Rivka Levy
      Rivka Levy says:

      The method is applied kiniesiology, and I checked out the halachic acceptability of a number of alternative healing modalities in depth, with some of the leading poskim in Jerusalem (who weren’t bought and paid for by Big Pharma….) and they told me applied kinesiology is fine.

      Also, take a look in R Szmerla’s book on Alternative Medicine in Halachah – and try to educatate YOURSELF, about what really constitutes avoda zara practices.


      (The vaccine will save you!!! All you have to do is roll up your sleeve and salvation is yours!!!)

      • JR
        JR says:

        “some of the leading poskim in Jerusalem (who weren’t bought and paid for by Big Pharma….) ”
        You’re insuating that Rav Elyashiv, Dovid Feinstein, Yisrael Belsky & Shmuel Auerbach took bribes from “Big Pharm”. How classy.

        “The method is applied kiniesiology” was invented by chiropractor George Goodheart, Jr. based on his beliefs in the pantheistic god of chiropractic. Chiropractic was developed by Freemasons who were deeply involved in the occult. In its first few decades, Chiropractic was an occult practice and its founders even considered to declare it a church. That was the millieu that Goodheart was raised in. In his book, he pays homage to his god in a manner that may be missed by the casual reader.
        Most alt-med systems are based in the occult.

        • Rivka Levy
          Rivka Levy says:

          Edward Jenner – ‘inventor’ of vaccination – was also a well-known Freemason….


          “Jenner has been fairly described as the ‘father of immunology’. The publication in 1798 of Jenner’s findings that cowpox could protect against the feared and usually fatal disease – smallpox – gained him instant support by members of the scientific community. Recognition of his work was reflected in the foundation of the Jennerian Society in London in 1803 by admirers in order to promote vaccination among the poor; Jenner was actively involved in its affairs. Government grants followed and Jenner carried out further experimental work on his vaccine. His interest in science led him to form a number of scientific societies and he was to become a Fellow of the Royal Society. Jenner was an active Freemason, serving in 1812 as Master of the Royal Lodge of Faith and Friendship, No. 270, based in Berkeley, Gloucestershire. This lodge was regularly visited by the Prince of Wales – the future George IV – and was a lodge that was to become associated with the Jenner family.”

          BTW I am now limiting you to two comments a day, maximum. Please bear that in mind going forward.

          • JR
            JR says:

            Edward Jenner was honored by the Tifferes Yisrael. His vaccine was hailed by גדולי ישראל. In any case, his work was built on earlier knowledge of cowpox & variolation- knowledge that pre-dates speculative masonry. Unlike, the idolatrous inventors of chiropractic, there’s no evidence that Jenner was inspired by the occult.
            In any case, you still haven’t address the occult עבודה זרה roots of Applied Kinesiology. When you engage in these practices you are acknowledging the false god of chiropractic.

          • Rivka Levy
            Rivka Levy says:

            Thanks for this – readers can learn more about the Tiferet Yisrael here:



            “Rabbi Yisrael Lifshitz, known by the name of his commentary, the Tiferet Yisrael, was born in the year 1782 in the region of Poznan, which is located on the border between Poland and Germany. According to the Tiferet Yisrael’s own testimony recorded in his introduction to Seder Taharot, he was part of a family with illustrious rabbinic lineage that dated back to Rabbi Moshe Isserles, the Rema. Indeed, it is known that many of his ancestors were prominent rabbis.”

            Looks like we just tripped over another Sabbatean-Frankist descendant of the REMA, to go and research…

            Here’s a translation of his comments about Edward Jenner and Francis Drake, in English from HERE:

            It’s part of his discussion about the differences between Jews and non Jews, and his definition of a ‘righteous gentile’ where: “It seems that advancing the world technologically earns a place in Olam HaBa (according to Tiferes Yisrael).”

            “We see many of them are righteous. Not only do they recognise the Creator of Genesis, and believe in His Torah that it is Divine, and they also do kindness like Yisrael. Some have done extraordinary good things for the inhabitants of the world, like the righteous Jenner who invented the vaccine (for smallpox) which saves hundreds of thousand of people from illness, death or disfiguration.

            And Drake (Sir Francis Drake 1540-1596) who brought the potato to Europe, and thus prevented famine many times. Or Guttenberg who invented the printing press.

            Several of them were not paid at all in this world, like the righteous Johannes Reuchlin (1455-1522), who was prepared to lay down his life to prevent the burning of the Talmud. This was commaned by Caesar (Holy Roman Emporer) Maximillian (I) in the year 5262 through the activism of the heretic Pfefferkorn (1469-1523) and the priests, his wicked group. This Reuchlin risked his life and based on his claims he persuaded the Caesar to retract his decree. Because of this he was hounded and the priests, his enemies, made his life a misery. They pressured him until eventually he died in dire straits and broken hearted.

            Could we think that all these great deeds would not be repaid in the World-to-Come, behind the ‘curtain’ – Heaven forbid! God does not withhold the reward of any creature.

            If you would suggest that even though these righteous people kept all the seven mitzvoth of Bnei Noach (from Sanhedrin 56b), nevertheless they do not have the status of ‘Ger Toshav’ since they did not accept these mitzvoth before three Rabbis (based on Avoda Zara 64b). Furthermore, we do not accept Ger Toshav nowadays, only at the time that the mitzvah of Yovel applies (Erechin 29a). Even so, since they did not act like Esav, they have reward in the World-to-Come (based on Avoda Zara 10b).”


            According to his Wikipedia page, he was a student of Akiva Eiger – who is firmly in the middle of the Sabbatean-Frankist family tree, but strangely ‘scrubbed’ from a lot of Jewish history in some weird ways that I have been meaning to research more closely for a while.

            Lots more to look at here.

    • Nachum
      Nachum says:

      Not to mention that Chinese “medicine” was essentially invented by Mao Tse-Tung (the greatest mass murderer in history, who didn’t use it himself) out of political necessity (he couldn’t provided *actual* health care to his people and had to convince them they were getting *something* that worked) and as Communist propaganda so the rest of the world would think China was a lot better off than it was.

      All the other forms of alternative “medicine” don’t necessarily have backstories quite as evil as that, but they’re all just as “real.”

      Please, get your husband to a real doctor.

      • Rivka Levy
        Rivka Levy says:

        As usual, you are talking cr*p.

        BH, between the pidyon nefesh, the teshuva, the tea tree and the bentonite clay, BH, my husband’s foot is doing much, much better.

        The ‘real doctor’ we took him to prescribed him antiobiotic creams that totally didn’t work, and made his foot swell up even more.

        Maybe you missed that bit, before deigning to give your pompous opinions about things you clearly don’t know very much about?

      • Tikvah
        Tikvah says:

        Majority of “real” doctors have been part of mass murder for the last 2 years, and more! I wish people would sit back and let this staggering fact sink in before making such comments!

        • Daisy
          Daisy says:

          Absolutely true! Although B”H there are many who refuse to participate in this global gen…ocide and will tell the truth no matter what. Thanks to them!

  2. Daisy
    Daisy says:

    A bit of history – for those who don’t know me, I am a “regular” doctor who practiced mainstream medicine for about 25 years:

    Years ago my son had a plantar wart ( under his foot), and none of the medications prescribed by regular MD’s would work – the same meds I would have prescribed had I been his physician. One day we went to Chinatown in NYC, and there was a Chinese man sitting with a kit of various Chinese ointments; we told him of the issue, he gave us an ointment to put on the wart – and sure enough within days the nasty thing dissolved!! So whether Mao is behind Chinese medicine or not, they do know things that our “advanced, progressive, science-based medicine” does not. For your info. Which made me explore alternative medicine more and more, and believe me there are treasures there , although of course also a lot of hype, as in every business.

    • JR
      JR says:

      Plantar warts do not generally need to be treated. They go away without treatment. (And hence, they go away with phony treatments. That “with” phony treatments, not “because of”)
      It’s a minor issue that some GPs give in to their patients and prescribe medications when none are need. But some patients will kvetch and harangue their doctor because they won’t accept the “don’t worry, it will resolve on its own” answer.

      • Daisy
        Daisy says:

        JR, the wart did NOT go away for a long time, and he suffered a lot from it. Did you ever have one yourself? Do you know how much it hurts? Obviously not: for you it’s nothing, after all it’s somebody else’s foot, not your own; and yes, after the Chinese treatment, it went away quickly and my son recovered, he is a live witness to it, he still remembers it vividly. You don’t believe me? Ask him! So much for your wonderful medical advice, I will pass.

        So if I understand you correctly: you won’t give any antibiotics to a kid suffering from some bacterial infection because it will go away on its own, right? Yes, that is correct, most infections heal with a proper immunity- supporting diet, while antibiotics can cause a lot of long-term harm to children, devastating their microbiome. So are you waiting, letting time and diet do their own? Why do I have a feeling that in that case you will opt for antibiotics, because after all that is what totally corr..upt modern medicine recommends, even though there are better natural solutions…but the doctor knows best, right? I remember being harangued by B..ig Pha…rma reps for years, believing their words, loving their gifts too of course. I remember all those conferences where we were being brainwashed with the wonders of all those new drugs; I bought the whole shmier, until my eyes opened, B”H.

  3. Rivka Levy
    Rivka Levy says:

    It’s not just the arrogance of saying that ‘real doctors’ are only found in Western Medicine, and have all the answers to health problems, it’s also the problem that even THE BASIC FACTS are wrong in what Nachum is saying.

    Chinese Medicine in it’s basic modern form has been going for at least 1800 years, before Chairman Mao was even a glint in his father’s eye.


    I just am struggling to understand how someone who in some ways seems to be intelligent keeps putting out information that is so factually incorrect, regardless of the ‘opinion’ bias.

    It makes it very hard to take the ‘opinion’ seriously, in any way, when it’s repeatedly built on lies.

    • JR
      JR says:

      “before Chairman Mao was even a glint in his father’s eye.”

      Nonsense is ancient. What is modern is how the Maoists promoted ancient nonsense to promote their polical agenda.
      Nachum has exagerated- some of this stuff is very old. But it is true that modern accupuncture has little resemblance to the ancient practice and was essentially invented and promoted by the Chinese communists. And you’d definitely not want to try the original form of accupuncture. It’s more nasty than leeches.


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