It’s a funny time, isn’t it?

Here’s what’s going on my life, right now: on the one hand, I am gathering more and more information together on a whole range of subjects that shows that most of the modern world we live in is based on a pack of lies. And on the other, I’m trying to sort out the most ‘real world’ business venture I’ve embarked upon for close to two decades.

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If I touched on everything I’ve found out is a lie over the last few years, it would be a very long list. But when you really look at it, all our problems really just boil down to this:

We are scared to be real, and to really face up to what’s going on in our lives and our middot, and to have a real relationship with ourselves, other people and Hashem.

100%, this is the only reason that we’re still in golus, and still spinning our wheels, living superficial lives that are generally making us pretty miserable, and scared to open up and connect in any real way to anyone – including ourselves.

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Over the last 15 years, I’ve had a mighty struggle to try to develop some of that REAL in my own life. When I got to Israel back in 2005, I was still so caught up in all the materialism and competition that the secular world is built on.

God had to keep giving me some sharp raps across the knuckles to really bring my attention to the fact that my ‘wonderful life’ was actually making me totally miserable. I was doing everything the magazines told me to do – I had a career, was making good money, owned a house, had a nice husband, two  nice kids – what’s the problem here?!?!?

I didn’t know the answer to that question in London, where I was feeling more and more anxious, depressed, stressed, miserable and overwhelmed before we made aliya.

I’ve been through so much the last 15 years, as part of the process of getting re-educated about what life is actually really meant to be about, especially if you’re a Jew. I don’t own a house anymore, I don’t have a career, I don’t spend Shabbos lavishing entertaining, or trying to stuff every spare minute with ‘action’, so I don’t have to spend any time in my own head, just being.

And I am so, so happier because of it.

And my relationships with the people who really count in life – i.e. my husband, my kids, myself and Hashem – are doing so much better than they were back in 2005.

And what made the biggest difference?

Learning to talk to Hashem, and to be real, and to stop running away from the truth, especially about myself and my own limitations.

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You know why it feels so ‘weird’ right now? Because the light of Moshiach – the light of truth – is slowly rising in the world, and it’s that ‘sun with healing on its wings’ that is going to burn all the wicked up, but heal all the righteous.

On the blog here, and over on spiritualselfhelp.org, I’ve been pretty honest about the bad middot I’ve got, and the issues I’ve had in my relationships, and what I’ve had to do and acknowledge and work on, to stop being a bona fide psycho to my husband and children.

I’m not telling myself any fibs that it’s ‘ok’ to try and control other people via rage fits and insults; or that it’s ‘ok’ to act like a hypocrite, dishing out advice from that place up on high that I myself can’t hold by in a million years. As soon as I realized that it’s not ‘ok’ to go around trying to control people, or trying to force my children to be ‘perfect’ so that I’ll look good in front of my neighbors, I got to work trying to live that truth.

I’m still falling down on my middot a million times a day, let’s be clear.

But that’s OK. I know I’m on a low level spiritually, and I also know that Hashem just wants the effort, but the outcome is up to him.

But I look around, and I still so many people who seem to be stuck in the lies – and as the light of Moshiach continues to rise in the world, those lies are starting to weigh heavier and heavier. It’s getting harder and harder to believe that politics is the ‘answer’ to anything. It’s getting less and less credible to believe in ‘man-made global warming’. It’s getting way harder for us all to keep pretending that all the problems are just because of ‘everyone else’, and their bad middot.

All of us are down here to work on one person:

OURSELVES.

And the main work to be done is to be real, and authentic, and to start to serve Hashem joyfully from that low place of knowing we are totally imperfect – but that there is actually nothing fundamentally ‘wrong’ with us!!

God created us this way, with bad middot, and gave us the job of working on those bad middot over 120 years, to try to rectify them.

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This is a bit of a rambling post, I know. It’s because I’m trying to blast through the ‘head fog’ that seems to keep descending up on everything worthwhile and meaningful and true, and that keeps sucking us all back into that superficial, nasty space where nothing really matters, and no-one really cares about anything or anyone.

Here’s what I’m really trying to say.

Over the last few years, so much of the public discourse, so much of society, has been shaped by self-absorbed ‘go getters’, who constantly talk about themselves and what they think, and who cow everyone else into falling in line behind them. I have some aspect of that myself, and it’s something I’m continually monitoring and working on, to do my best to ‘use it’ for Hashem, instead of just for myself.

In common parlance, these types of people are often referred to as ‘narcissists’, but I prefer to call them ‘motivators’.

They have a ton of energy, they are very focused, and they often get a lot done. But when they aren’t balancing all their ‘fire’ with humility, and a genuine desire to serve Hashem, they usually just end causing a lot of arguments and destruction, instead.

Then, there are all the quiet, gentle, ‘nice’ people out there – so many of them!! – who generally feel too shy to share their views, and are often too gentle to want to wade into the cut-throat business of taking a stand or having a real opinion, or being authentic.

Over the years, I’ve met some of you in person and over email, when you had the courage to reach out and say hello.

Here’s the thing:

You guys are the people who are really going to bring the geula, and really going to fix the world.

It’s you, that silent majority, the salt-of-the-earth types that don’t really believe in your own goodness, your own importance, and who lack confidence in your own ability to change things for the better, who are really going to bring the geula.

Not the big mouths, or the firebrands, or the holier-than-thou preachers and gurus.

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Gosh, I’m finding this so hard to put into words, which is very unusual for me.

So let me just cut to the chase.

After 15 years of going through SO much stuff, emotionally, spiritually, career-wise, health-wise, relationship-wise, you name it, baruch Hashem, I now have a lot of insight into how people really work.

And I want to start teaching it to others out there, but particularly, the salt-of-the-earth women, who are finding it hard to say ‘no’ to others, and to make their voices heard, and to set healthy boundaries, and to put their quiet goodness out there in a way that will really shape the world in a profound way.

In the next month or so, BH, I will be launching a pilot program to teach this information to a small group of 10 women. I’m still figuring out the packaging, but I already know what this program is going to do:

It’s going to help those ‘good’, but quiet women to finally find their voice, and the confidence they need to stand up for themselves and for ‘right’ without being steamrollered by all the mouthy, self-obsessed ‘motivators’ out there.

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Why is that important?

Because these women are the ones who are going to bring the geula.

The world needs them, and it desperately needs for them to to start expressing their inner wisdom, and their inner goodness, and their inner clarity to start countering all the lies, and to help get us ready for Moshiach.

What is going to bring Moshiach is being real, and doing our best to work on ourselves, and to create an authentic environment in our homes and communities where the voice of the soul – the voice of peace, love, humility, emuna and truth – can start to shine out and be heard.

Phew.

If this speaks to you – at all – please drop me an email, and let’s discuss how to really do this.

I’m not pretending I have all the answers, or that I’m totally fixed, anything but. But Hashem has given me a lot of information that I know could help a lot of people, and especially the gentle people out there, to start putting down the boundaries they need to in a loving way, and to stop enabling ‘bad’.

And once more of us start to put that light out in our own dalet amot, the ‘bad’ that is preventing Moshiach from coming will disappear by itself.

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Just as the women brought the redemption in Egypt, so they will bring it again in our days.

One lasting marriage at a time, one loved kid at a time, one honest and caring conversation at a time.

That’s really the only thing that matters, and not who becomes president, or who is going to end up being Moshiach, or all the other pointless things we waste so much time and energy debating.

I know ‘real’ is scary, but facing up to our ‘real’ – with tremendous compassion and understanding – is how we actually get out of galut, personally and nationally.

So, if you’d like to join me, either take the minute required to fill in the survey HERE, or drop me an email HERE.

It’s time for the ladies to start roaring.

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UPDATE:

Baruch Hashem, I’m starting to pin this down more already.

I basically want to do ‘Azamra’ as a practical course, which will give concrete, tangible ways for:

1) Understanding the 4 main ways our yetzer hara takes us out, based on Likutey Moharan, as reflected in cutting edge science
2) Taking down bad middot like: anger, yeoush, depression, people pleasing, fear and anxiety – in ways that actually totally work in real time.
3) And perhaps most importantly of all, this is the main focus of the program:
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to feel good about yourself, and feel good within your relationships, in six weeks or less, so you can wake up happy, and enjoy being yourself around other people.
Because I think that is really the key to giving Hashem what He really wants from us, and bringing the geula happily, the sweet way, in both our private and public spheres.
How does this sound? I’m VERY open to feedback and ideas.

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Do you want join me, and see where this goes?

Drop me an email!

This could start to get pretty interesting, with God’s help!

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3 replies
  1. Orna Nitzevet
    Orna Nitzevet says:

    Bs”d

    Dear Rivka,

    When i started to coach foreign women, the head at my work concluded that i will get the lost cases….one of them was a CHINESE woman who could not write and not read. By the way also not speak the Dutch language!
    Ok., what now? My ‘job’ was to let her integrate into the Dutch society and be like anyone else.
    Slowly, i won her heart, she did not trust these cold people that think very low about her….
    I ‘studied’ CHINESE culture to be able to understand her and the language to be able to communicate. And the kids of both of us, in the same age, where very helpful!
    Now at the ‘end’ of coaching, i was the one that learned from her instead!
    She escaped weird regime of communism, cannibalism, honor thirsty weirdos and wanted a simple life with her beautiful family.
    She wanted me to do just one thing for her!
    To help her and her children to go for a short holiday outside of Holland of the choice of her children, while her husband never ever got free from his job, working for another Chinese in a restaurant.
    Living in a small family house with a small garden destined to be a place of beautiful flowers, instead, she used all the ground and space to have a harvest of all the yummie CHINESE vegetables and mini trees of CHINESE fruit. I was the lucky one to get her ‘MAASER’ and if i refused, her children will give it to mine children.
    So i coached her in her privy home sphere that she let me in and no one else beside her own family.
    While taking care of the vegetables, giving water in the house to all the plants, on the way to supermarket to buy things for the children that wanted to eat what Dutch children eat….
    One day i asked her:
    ”Ling, are you happy?”
    ”Orna, i have everything, i am!
    And now that they gave up on me and send you instead of any of the egoistic rasist women of them, i feel more happy, i know i can trust you!”
    Wow, i was speechless. But i knew what she means.
    One day we where in Paris, in the place of holiday chosen by all our kids together.I brough them in the neighborhood where my mom spend some time with me, while learning extra things for her SH EFF STUFF.
    We stayed in KOSHER hotel of JEWISH family.
    The trip was nice by choosing the speed train straight from our place to there…
    Ling believed in the Creator and was very thankful for everything.
    While on the outside simple, clueless person, she is the most wise woman i ever met!
    In the day of my leaving of Galut, my heart was heavy. For leaving my oldest behind and Ling. She help me to pack and prepare the most important things and make sure i will not have anything wrong in my suitcase. This said, i do not believe that coaching of Jewish person is the same.
    Every single JEWISH person is born just for ONLY ONE REASON>
    To fix the TIKKUN of previous lives, or to help others with it (woman). So in my humble opinion, to want to let the shy women not be…the JEWISH woman is the inside, hidden, and many of OUR WOMEN suppose to learn from LING how to be strong for real. If the woman understand who she is, her ‘strength’ is that of 10 JEWISH MEN! it cannot be said about the women that follow the path of Dina. They are missing out. How i know?…..i wanted to be wise as Ling…and saw how foolish the ‘women in pants’ look like, even if they wear a skirt.

    Reply
  2. Rivka Levy
    Rivka Levy says:

    Orna, it’s not about stopping Jewish women from being ‘shy’ or untznius, God forbid. It’s about enabling Jewish women to stand up to all the emotional bullies out there, and stop getting taken out by narcissist behavior, and to stop being scared to stand up for what’s right, and to really start to share their own authentic voice IN THEIR OWN HOMES AND FAMILY UNITS, without getting shut down by abuse and mockery.

    From the feedback I’m already seeing on the survey, this is resonating with a lot of people out there. The real question is how best to do it.

    If we can’t be the real ‘us’ and express the real ‘us’, we can’t connect to our souls and serve Hashem as the real ‘us’, the way He wants us to. All of us have a unique job to do in the world, but a lot of us are getting blocked from doing that.

    Reply
    • Orna Nitzevet
      Orna Nitzevet says:

      Ok, i did not understood the point, now it is more clear. So any situation like that, the best is to use what we are good at.
      SPEECH is the power of a JEW. Perhaps you could write some sentences that a person that is in such situation, stuck …to say and repeat in full EMUNA a prayer, even if short one?
      Perhaps Rabbi Berland can write one.
      There should be some steps in speech to stop a wrong habit and after that to learn how to replace the empty space with good one?
      All i can think is HITBODEDUT.
      Perhaps with clear steps?
      Or they should hear that there are just 3 months left, it helps, no fear of what people think when we assume to going to die.(it worked for me). Also you must know that natural steroids can change behavior and encourage a woman to be more assertive, so is magnesium and lack of gives people feeling to want to finish their life, so hormonal, mineral balance goes with emotions too. No one says to post partum women that they need a lots of it to feel at least normal, i wish they did.
      It is good to finish with bullies but also important to keep the balance to not become one, witch is a normal reaction after. Anyway i am looking forward to read more and B’H’ learn more,

      Reply

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